Saturday, 29 December 2007

A tale of utter foolishness in the blog of glorious madness...

So where have I been all this time one of my last remaining readers may wonder... OK, let's get the weird stuff out of the way. As the title suggests this post is not about any earth shattering events in my life, it is not about my childish past times or philosophical mood swings about the state of things. No, no, no... this is just a nutter's swansong for 2007, a fatal blow to my absence from this blog for a couple of weeks now. It seems these days I am always absent for a couple of weeks at a time(maybe I am cursed and a post per couple of weeks is all I get which could be a blessing for some people I suppose, LOL). Regardless, I am ambitious enough to try and write a post full of nothingness ,oh the awesomeness of someone typing words in just for the sake of it is unmistakeably a Deadpoolian trait. In fact I could trademark it, draw a tatoo on my forehead stating that only I can exercise such foul boring practises and be done with it:).

A man has to keep himself entertained during this 'merry season of the year' and I am no exception... Eat this Santa!!!! For all the gifts you never delivered to me... still waiting for that Optimus Prime toy by the way, LOL!

Ah, the thrill of 'blogging uber lameness' is a shortlived one though... I have to write about something meaningful even if I do it in a pointless way (did that even make sense... well some people would say that my acquaintance with a straitjacket has been long overdue while I would say that sanity is highly overrated, it is all a matter of perspective really,lol). Ok, let's see how DP has been doing in some non-blogging aspects of his life during this 'festivities period'. Yeah, that should keep my 2 remaining readers still around or drive them over the edge irreversibly... It is a risk I am willing to take so no worries:)

Well let's kickstart this DP extravaganza with the eating habits of these past couple of weeks. Being an ex-guy 'who ate a tad more than normal' and a current guy 'who eats sensibly' this is a bit of a peculiar period for me. All those delicacies flying around are teasing me to devour them, no doubt about it. And then, when eating insticts kick in and I am ready to eat like there is no tomorrow, there is this sudden surge of logic sinking in my psyche, putting me in the restraining shackles of "being proper" and "eating sensibly". Thus, suddenly, one of the more enjoyable things during Christmass and New Year's Eve , eating, becomes a mission impossible of sorts and certainly not the guilty pleasure that it used to be not so long ago... BUMMER!!!

As you can see the Deadpool toys had some 'nasty side effects' for the unfortunate kids that purchased them... So parents all around the world beware, Deadpool's branded products are seriously R-rated... raving mad R-rated that is :)

Then comes the girlfriend crisis and the fact that my girl is not close by these most "rom Komy" of days. So, that means, that unless Eva Mendes lifts that restraining order against me and she finally gives in to my stalking advances, sex life is pretty much an utopian condition that I am not going to experience during these troubled fat free times(as you can see being sensible about devouring delicacies during the holidays has come at a great personal cost... oh well at least not in calories, LOL).

It is not all gloom in the horizon though... I mean I got Assassin's Creed on Xbox360 right? Well, the more I play this game the more I realise it is more of a publicity stunt than a game. Don't get me wrong technically it is superb and being an assassin in the times of the crusades is pretty original but the gameplay is getting a bit repetitive. I guess that would explain why I bought Bioshock then, LOL. Now, the problem with Bioshock is not the game itself but me attempting to play what is essentially a first person survival horror game in the midst of the Christmass period. I am sure you appreciate the irony, especially if you consider that I am not alone in the house and family waves are attacking my ranks with worrying regularity. So how on earth can I go about my merry way shooting mutants and sending them to 'another plane of existence' when people around me in the house are too busy exchanging pleasantries until someone 'sugar overdoses' and tolerating eachother while in the immediate vicinity with alarming diplomacy? Yeah, I know, it seems that survival horror is not on my TV screen after all but right there in my living room ha,ha,ha,ha!!! And it is a hell of a lot cheaper than the videogame let me tell you...

I am a sucker for making an 'over the top' entrance into the next year...ah the nerve of some people:)

Still, there is no doubt that all this coziness of the holiday period makes someone feel a bit special these days. I dont know maybe it is the promise of a better forthcoming year that raises the bar of expectation too high or just the fact that a lot of people have the occassional leisure to enjoy the simple things in life that are 'too time consuming' during the rest of the year. For me 2008 will be pretty much a year 'running on auto-pilot' and I will elaborate on this in a future post in January.

Till then, I want to say that I really wish I could visit your blogs more often and just comment as often as I used to (I will be unleashing a commenting marathon towards your way sooner rather than later be sure of that). I miss the interaction with you people more than writing itself or so I keep telling myself. I guess blogging life goes around in circles with its ups and downs, peaks and lows... just like real life then:)

I wish you all to be healthy above all else, to be optimistic about the future even at the face of adversity because if you managed to make a guy at the other side of the world, who is never going to meet you personally, care, then pretty much anything else is as simple as DP muttering a sentence making sense. Come to think of it, that latter thing isn't particularly simple....bummer!!! Ha,ha,ha,ha!!!

Till next time... take care guys and girls and I wish you all the best for the upcoming year!

Sunday, 16 December 2007

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (Duel of the fates-Part 3 of 3)

For the ones among you not in the know, this is the final part of a trilogy of posts, so you might as well check the previous parts to get the complete picture. If you wish to do so, just click the links below:

Part 1

Part 2

On with the festivities of
part 3 then...

The shop assistant stared at me for a second like a man wanting to confess a really dark secret. He eyed my priced possession with dismay before unleashing his verbal spikes towards my way... The following conversation ensued between a consumer in a shopping frenzy and a shop assistant knowing what is what...:

Shop Assistant (SA) : Is that the Xbox360 that goes for 299 Euros?

Deadpoolite (DP) : Xbox360 proud owner reporting for duty, sir, yes sir!

SA: Not so fast son... there is something you should know about this particular Xbox360...

DP: Is it really an Xbox with an Xbox360 faceplate ? Speak man, speak or silence forever!!!

SA: The reason that this Xbox360 is priced so cheaply is because it has no controller bundled with it!

DP (in a state of shock): What do you mean it has no controller in the package? It states it clearly on the box that it has one inside!

SA: Some malakas forced the box open and got the controller out so we had to price it this cheaply to sell it... Besides, information printed on boxes is highly overrated to begin with...

DP (infuriated): And when were you planning to tell me this exactly? After I got home and opened the damn box!!! I can pay for a separate controller but I am pissed off now and since decapitating you won't fix my mood, I am putting this back to its shelf!!!

SA(he could't care less): Okkkk....

I wish my "stalker" was as cute as Ayame from the Tenchu game series but no such luck... It was just another "horny" gamer waiting for his chance to taste some next gen gaming goodness. Little did he know of how things would eventually turn out for him...:)

As I was approaching the shelf with my now ex-possession(?) in hand, thinking what nasty things I could do to the shop assistant while in the electronics section of the store, I caught a glimpse of a threatening shadow approaching cautiously behind me. It was another customer that had smelt "blood in the air" or more like the smell of a seriously underpriced Xbox360 bundled with a killer game. As I put the box back to its shelf I couldnt let it go! I really wanted to find the motivation to pick it up, buy the damn controller and get out of that place. But "principle is principle", so I just stood there half kneeling before it, thinking what to do. As I was pondering the fate of this purchase, the shadow that was stalking me took shape in the form of a 20+ year old. The shop assistant saw potential and started marketing the Xbox360 to the other guy, while telling me:

SA: So are you going to buy it or what?

DP: Do you find it professional that you advertise a product and it is half opened?

SA: Look I talked to you in greek alright, you understand greek right? Take it or leave it!

DP: Look malakas!!! I am a fucking paying customer here, so you might as well show me some more respect or I won't be responsible for my actions!!!

SA(taking a step back): Okay...take your time...

In the meantime, the other guy behind me was sweating like a pig resembling a Big Brother candidate waiting to be evicted... He only needed a moment's hesitance on my behalf to "feast" on the gaming juices of this Xbox360. I peeked behind my back gleefully and looked at him with a stare that said : "Sorry dude, this is just not your day...". As soon as this little "gamers' mystagogy" of sorts ended, I shouted out my ultimatum that echoed ominously in the isles of the megastore:

The shop assistant's indifference and the gaming vulture's 'breathing over my neck' wouldn't go unpunished, ready, steady, aim, fire!!! I would eventually prevail, no doubt about it:)

"Screw this! I am buying it!!!". As I muttered these words, leaving the other potential Xbox360 owner nearly in tears (eat this you vulturing scum!!!) I grabbed a wireless controller from the shelf and went to the cash register. There was a queue there and since I had a lot of purchases (a console, a game and a controller) I left my items on an empty register which was closing down (end of shift) until my turn on the open register came.Shortly after, a woman in the queue talked to me:

Senile woman(SW): Why dont you use this register instead so we can pay faster as well...

DP(in a slightly sarcastic tone): Maybe it is because it is closed down, just a lucky guess on my behalf...

SW: But I see the young lady behind you... she is still here...

DP: Her shift has ended...she is just closing down the register...

SW: But she is still here...

DP(angrily) :Look lady, do you think this is my idea of fun or something, waiting on an empty register just for the kicks of it!!! I said the register is closed!!! Do we have an understanding...?

SW: .....

I wanted to purchase Assasin's Creed and after dealing effectively with the "Mrs impatience 2007" intervention I finally fulfilled my goal for the day! Yep, I am a man of immense ambition, no doubt about it, LOL!

The moronic moral of the story is to never piss an angry gamer standing in a cash register, especially not when the game he is about to purchase is called "Assasin's Creed"... LOL!!! The young woman whose shift had just ended smiled at me in an atypical "Thank you!" response. As my turn came to pay, I was in for another pleasant surprise that cemented my belief that this Xbox360 was meant for me and me only... The shop employee hit the barcode in the counter (the price on it was 299 Euros) and the amount came down to 254 Euros, that would be 50+ Euros less than advertised on the price tag! I don't know how it happened and noone seemed to care, so with the separate controller purchase I ended up paying 293 Euros in total!!! Yep, it seems that the gods of gaming had showered me with their mercy for my persistence to venture into the next generation of gaming at any cost:)

As I reunited with my girlfriend, who was standing a bit further back during this "register massacre", and before I started narrating to her my little "shopping adventure", I couldn't shake the feeling that Christmass had come early for me this year, in more ways than one...

Till next time then, take care all!

Friday, 14 December 2007

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (A gamer in turmoil-Part 2 of 3)

So the big day was finally upon me. I was ready to go out and propose to Eva Mendes(eh....oookkk... minor typo there....hehehe) and buy a next gen console, I mean. I had fought the longing for some next gen gaming for too long I just had to see what the fuss was about. As I entered the first megastore, I moved with the grace of a gaming addict on the verge of madness towards the shelves were Wii games were displayed.... Wii games "yes", Wii consoles "no" though. Shivers ran down my spine, I had to buy the damn thing even if I had to start selling my body parts for it (having two kidneys is highly overrated but then again maybe I'll hold on to them for a little bit longer just to be on the safe side...). Wii was out of stock it seemed and I evacuated the premises before I started to 'verbally punish' people left and right for this insolence. I marched into the second megastore ready to "Wii- Fu" my way towards the Wii consoles but the same fate was upon me. "No Wii consoles" on sale. "This is a frigging epidemic!!!" I shouted... My poor girlfriend had a man in turmoil standing in front of her "We will find it in another shop, you doofus...", she tried to calm me down while her voice tone was leaning on the verge of mockery towards me at the same time(yep I surely love that woman, LOL)... As I was getting ready to bang my head against the first 'non- Wii' shelf of the shop, just to make the corporate heads pay for their negligence of not having a Wii console in stock, my eye caught a glimpse of a shiny, albeit battered box...

This awesomeness signed upon me even via the battered white package... It is called a 'gamer's insight' I am told....actually it is more of a malarchy infused impulse but I won't tell if you won't tell :)

It was the package of an Xbox360 bundled with the game "Gears of War". Out of frustration, luck, destiny or pure desperation I checked the price tag waiting to see a price around 400 Euros as the best case scenario(the worst case scenario would give my wallet a stroke so I didnt dare think of it...). I read the price tag and instantly my jaw got acquainted with the floor... I thought I was hallucinating, I never had an aversion for strobe lights and epilepsy was not one of my killer traits so what could it be... I checked the price again... "Surely there is something off here this can't be..." I muttered to myself (good thing my girlfriend had other interests in the shop so I didnt lose her along with my dignity, LOL). The temptation was too strong... For a moment there I hesitated and my "Wii principles" came in play... "But I wanted to buy a Wii...", "I know all the good games for it..." , "it would be so original and fun..." all those phrases hit me like a ton of proverbial bricks, I felt almost guilty not buying a Wii you see (yep, I was that far gone, lol)! Then the bad DP voice came into my head and shouted : "Grab the box and run you tosser, just go to the cashier's and dont look back, this console has your name on it, can't you see... how malakas can one be?". Without another moment's hesitation I looked behind me for any 'shopping vultures' that may have casted their consuming gazes on my prey and shouted : "This is mine damn it!!!". I grabbed the box and clinged on it with such force I am glad it did not transform into a PSP from the squeeze:). So I reached the register and asked to pay for "my trophy"... as fate would have it... things wouldnt go as smoothly as planned... not just yet anyway...

The Wii is now a 'future purchase'... can't believe it myself. Still tons of fun:)

I think one can see the difference in the approach of gaming... I sure can... oh well back to playing Assasin's Creed (the hooded guy figure in the vid)

At the other side of the register my girlfriend had already payed for the rest of the pucrhases and was waiting for me to 'cross to the other side' with her... As it turned out, she would have to wait a bit longer for our merry fool's reunion...

(To be continued and concluded in part 3)

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (Prelude-Part 1 of 3)

You know a few months back I was as solid as a rock in my views. "Next gen gaming is just a big con you fools" I enthused with pathos. Just check out my relevant post via this link if you dare (actually if you are not totally bored since it is not a particularly "daring" task to be honest... not as daring as me taking a shower anyway...LOL) :

While I believe that the majority of some of my arguments still stands to some extent I do not longer consider the whole affair a total waste of time(
although I dont own an HD TV so I might as well like living in denial over the necessity of an endeavour into next gen gaming...). The point of this "pointless post" is(dont you love these phrasal contradictions that dont make any sense in this blog... I mean as soon as you read one you know it is my blog and there is no escape... brilliant simply brilliant...LOL) that as I was envisioning my gaming future and what would be the console to purchase in upcoming months one name kept resurfacing in my collective subconcious (not a particularly crowded place I assure you...LOL). And the name of the game was "Wii"!!! Ok, ok I know it sounds like I am taking a leak singing merrily to the great beyond (isnt it always a merry experience -i.e. taking a leak- to begin with... up until the prostate crisis kicks in and it becomes an accomplishment of mythical proportions anyway...). Regardless, this "little fun box" called Wii had several things about it that made it more appealing as an immediate purchase:

This is such an over the top ad, so it naturally had a place in this humble blog corner:)

- The Wii approaches gaming in a more interactive way which is fresh. You move the controller and it copies your movement.This opens a lot of interesting possibilies on how people can interact with games so concurrently(blame the terminology on that sick bastar... that was the 'architect' in the Matrix movies...) it rocks (
not as much as me blogging but it isnt a shame to rock merrily in the second place of uber coolness) and opens a world of exciting possibilities for gaming design.

- The novelty of the technology and the fact that 'moving things' is more intuitive than memorizing button combinations makes this the ideal platform for people that, well, just want to have short bursts of fun and are not particularly fond of gaming. Oh, how much I wanted to see my mother try to play bowling on "Wii Sports" that would have been the highlight of 2007 for me (yeah it has been a "good year" like that... nah actually it has, LOL).

-Playing with your Wii (that sounded very perverted for some reason, lol) is just fun! You can play fun games with friends and just laugh out loud at how surreal the whole affair is. Grown up people waving their Wii motes at the TV screen trying not to decapitate anyone in range or avoid breaking that vase that supposedly cost a fortune but in all honesty they can live without.

So, yeah playing with the Wii held so much promise. I was salivating
(not literally but I am still young so give it time...LOL) in the prospect of buying one this December. And then that fateful day came when videogaming dreams went out of the window and the cold harsh reality slapped me on the face... I was going to buy an Xbox360 dear readers, I just didn't know it yet...

(To be continued...)