Thursday, 27 March 2008

A "nasty" mission briefing:)

So OK I am a big fat lier that overblows meaningless things in order to get some readers' attention. I am guilty as sin on all accounts of exaggerated blogging and loving it... Simply put ladies and gentlemen, I am Deadpoolite and this is my blogging Kingdom, where I make the wacky rules and readers check their brains out of the exit before entering in the wacky realm (I know, I know this is another one of those intros 'gone bad' where the readers are torn between shooting themselves or staying with me for a couple more lines, heh, stay with me people , you are too hardcore not to!). So I admit that it wasn't exactly a 'mission briefing'... I mean there is no bloody mission where I am, when there is no war at hand, right?, LOL. Thus, it was more of a case of a pointless briefing about various things, especially designed to " mentally sedate" (if not kill...) the unfortunate attendees ' (that would be me and the rest of the tortured souls present in this 'maelstrom of misinformation' , LOL).

Sometimes you can never be too prepared / too armed against human stupidity and verbal malarchy... It is just the way the world works:).

Let's face it, when a briefing, a lecture or whatever you want to call it, begins with how to drive, turns into hazards of various devices, informs about global warming and unleashes -as a last resort to grab attention- career prospect info upon you, only one thing comes to mind: "You are fuck...!!! Royally, utterly, irreversibly, mindfuc... beyond any hope of salvation..." Your brain turns into jello (for me it is its natural state so no new developments there, LOL) and all you can do is watch, hopelessly, as people around you fall like flies from boredom, some of them turn their heads around at 360 degree angles like that girl from 'The Exorcist' and the least resilient among them fall asleep like ODing polar bears in the middle of Winter:). Yes it was that bad... It was the briefing to end all briefings... It was one of those surreal experiences that David Lynch would have been proud to include in one of his movies... I am surprised there wasn't an urgent recruitment of new individuals after the end of this 'verbal massacre' that left people equally incapacitated, brain dead and at the verge of 'the coma state to end all coma states'.

Not even close folks, this 'freak' has a long wacky blogging way ahead of him. HAH!!!. Still it was a close call for my ever aching brain cells:).

The details of this pointless lecturing about things that 10 year olds take for granted and senile old fools still remember are not important. I won't tire you with all the foolishness that made my head split in two and dance the chicken dance before being put back together by the last strand of reason left in my brain (Wasn't that an appropriately 'Deadpoolitian' sentence or what..., amazing in its wacky glory , ha,ha,ha,ha!!!). What matters is that , despite the pointlessness of the whole affair, beyond the hardship enforced by ridiculous words and even more absurd phrases, Deadpoolite survived... I guess I am immune to extreme malarchy by default, I really can't explain it any other way ha,ha,ha,ha... Maybe the madness contained in my own head, part of it unleashed in this unfortunate blog, prevented the 'too stupid for words' reality from sinking in and irreversibly destroying the traces of sanity I got left. Who knows, maybe I got to thank my readers for being there, unwillingly (or mazochistic blogging freaks... just kidding...ha,ha,ha) so I can unleash some verbal steam out and keep my wits together. Whatever the case, the awesomeness that is Monsieur Deadpoolite emerged victorious from this 'Hades of pointless lecturing' (' Hades' I write... hey those "300" inspired crumbs of audio visual pleasure are still going strong it seems... bummer...LOL) that seemed to be his brainless final destination. Nope, DP is OK, as OK DP can be anyway... Have no fear for the destiny of the wackylord, cause he is still going strong my ever diminishing reading minions:)!

Still as maddenigly cute as ever, or so I say myself:)

Till next time, be well and I will be around when my glorious moodswings dictate it...

Take care all!

Saturday, 8 March 2008

Another 'fun' 3 hours... will the 'fun' ever end?

Last night I was on patrol duty between 3 am and 6 am (and no that doesn't mean that I was blogging non-stop between those hours although in a perfect world it should have, LOL). Essentially what I was doing was walking between various guarding checkpoints with another unfortunate soul tagging along (yeah I know... it sucks to be him... ha,ha,ha,ha!!!). The rules of "engagement" were simple (no my dear girlfriend not THAT "engagement", LOL): As I was approaching each guarding post the guard on duty was shouting "HALT, who is there?" (how original...). Now, I know that the proper reply on my behalf should have been : " I am Deadpoolite your eternal master, bow before me you mortal scum or I will make you laugh your guts out!!!" but that wouldn't be polite... Thus, I opted for something more casual and military like : "Patrol". The guard on duty asked me to proceed and after a few 'gracious' steps he halted me again (such spoilsports those pesky guards, no sense of fun, none at all, LOL) screaming like he was ODing on M and Ms (or maybe that is just me doing that....hmmm...this post is getting stranger and stranger, I guess I am as wacky as ever then, thanks fuck for that, heh). The guard said a number, I said a number and I proceeded some more (yeah I know, us, army men, lead an exciting life... lol). As I was ready to unleash "the ultimate wisecrack to end all wisecracks" the guard shouted "HALT" one final time (damn he is good and how about that rich flourishing vocabulary.... LOL) to which I replied "Piss off!!!" (nah, not really, in all honesty I muttered some password so uneventful and 'unfun' it is just makes me want to call the "Fun Police" to arrest those uneventful codewords and the 'geniuses' behind them, heh).

By the authority granted upon me by the fun police I am arresting all creators of 'unfun' and boring passwords just on principle alone... Gentlemen, you are sentenced to an hour of stand up comedy by yours truly, monsieur DP (a fate worse than death as some surviv... ahem, people say, LOL)!!!

Those glorious verbal exchanges between patrol men and guards were only part of the 3 hour 'fun ride' (yes there is keep your wits about you... what is left of it anyway... LOL). Throughout the night shift, the weather was being 'playful'. Raining at various quantities, making DP and his trusty sidekick wear their generic black 'raincoats' (think a 'drag' version of Batman's cape and you are half way there...). So there I was, browsing the camp with my 'superhero' cape of sorts looking to bring justice to 'no gooders' (actually priority number one was not to slip down a slope and thus end my superheroish patrolling career on day 1, hahahaha). As we were adjusting our pace according to our stamina trying not to unnecessarily wear ourselves out, we chatted a lot, me and my co-patrolling madman. As fate would have it, he was equally 'pleased' to waste three hours of his life doing rounds for rounds sake, so at random intervals we were making pit stops trying to make time pass just by standing still (unfortunately I am no "jedi material" so that plan didn't really work all that well, heh...). One of the highlights of our conversation was that his girlfriend is also from Crete, Greece which made us smile with glee since women from that big beautiful island (greek ministry of tourism I am still waiting for that paycheck by the way...) have a certain 'glare' of sorts in the eye (some go as far as to call it ' a hint of erupting madness' and I think the fact that the equally nuts DP is dating a girl from there proves their case beyond any shadow of doubt, ha,ha,ha,ha). At this point I have to mention that with the first sign of lightning, we both removed our metallic helmet exteriors since 'DP roast beef' wasn't scheduled for the menu that night (I am quite hard to 'digest' as it is, judging from this glorious blog, so why not save the pain to the fools that would want a piece of me, LOL).

I couldn't shake that question off my head you know...:).

As the night was reaching its end with the two patrolmen banging their heads with each other, because of sleep deprivation, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was the first night of many similar to follow... Oh, who cares bring it on!!! If I can take my abysmal blog statistics with a smile on my face, what is a little patrol duty going to do to me, HAH!

Till next time, take care all!