I think you got the point by now...No, not the fact that I am criminally insane beyond redemption with an acquired taste for wackiness infused blogging. The OTHER point... It has been TOO long since I graced this insanely 'divine' blog with any new material (but then again this hasn't necessarily been a bad thing for blog readers around the globe now, has it? LOL). So then, let me tingle my 'funny bone' to test its sorry state. After all I haven't used it in a while and the old bugger must be as rusty as Harrison Ford in Indy 4 (but then again that was CG rusty so it doesn't count, heh). On with the festivities then:
Deadpoolite (DP) : "DP to funny bone, DP to funny bone do you copy? I repeat do you copy?".
Funny bone (FB) (Shoving its proverbial palm up my face): " Talk to the hand sucker!".
DP: "Oh glorious funny bone where art thou?" .
FB: "I am currently unavailable leave a message after Radiohead's 'cheerful' song".
DP: "Argh!!! The pain of Radiohead whining incomprehensible 'mumbo jumbo' in the most depressive way possible never ceases to amaze me... It does help their cause that their lead singer looks like a hobbit on crack... Dear FB why are you abandoning me in my time of need (of a good 'mad-scientific' laugh that is)?".
FB: "I haven't been funny in months!!! My sense of humour is officially more rusty than Stallone's 'acting' in Rambo 4 dammit!".
DP: "That is TOO rusty indeed... In fact that is 'comatose rusty' in the rustometer of the funny scales (what on earth am I typing in? LOL)"
FB:" Truth be told I got stage fright... I can't perform in front of a live audience or any audience for that matter...".
DP: " But noone reads this blog... Besides how can you have 'stage fright', you are just a figment of my nutty imagination and I don't do stage fright it is bad for my silky smooth complexion...".
FB: " Still..."
DP: " Have no fear oh once mighty, now 'chicken style' cowardly, FB!!! I will be with ya via all the virtual tomatoes thrown at us by angry readers having the bad fortune to stumble upon this blog corner (let's face it , a life shattering experience like no other... LOL!)".
FB: "Was that your pep talk to get me going again? Because if it was, it SUCKED big time!".
DP: "Flattery will get you nowhere with me!"
FB: " Heh... You moronic fool, that was actually minisculy funny in an uber microscopic level as well. Maybe there is still hope that you will actually make a half - decent joke one day... One that won't make your readers consider suicide as a measure of redemption for wasting their time in this atrocious blog of yours...".
DP: " Oh you are too kind... Come to think of it though, who lost hope so I can find some? Hmm... maybe I'll look it up in the yellow pages. After all they got pretty much every number stashed in there, excluding the Eva Mendes 'date her and mate with her' helpline number. I often wonder why it is not included in that big ridiculously yellow book... " .
FB: "Eh... I'll take a wild guess with this one... Because it doesn't freaking exist!!!".
DP: "Are you for real? No phone service for actually 'doing the nasty' with babes like Eva Mendes, Kate Beckinsale and Rosario Dawson?".
DP: " Not even for Drew Barrymore?".
FB: "Nope. But who wants to mate with screw Barrymore anyway".
DP: "You got a point there...".
FB: "Ok then, can I just leave this absurd impossible conversation with ya to save some of my fictional non-existing dignity? Even a virtual funny bone has rights you know?".
DP: " Yep, you are dismissed! You can't go far anyway, you are part of my insanity oozing subconcious remember?".
FB: " Bummer... I had forgotten about that one...".
DP: " Now sod off or face the endless pain of another mega crappy 'funny' line delivered by yours truely!"
And with those ominous words the FB disappeared as it if it had never existed (which is actually the truth but who cares, not me for sure, LOL!).
Now that I have used this "quality" post to fine tune my wacky sense of humour I can officially say that... : "I AM BACK!!!". Hmm... no applause? No frenetic female fans throwing their sexy underwear at me screaming? No even a bloody standing ovation? Geez everyone is a critic these days...
Till next time, take care!
P.S. : I think it is about bloody time I visit some of my godforsaken links and plague their comment boxes with my witty banter, oh you (un)lucky, (un)lucky people ... I promise I will do so soon!
DP out!!! (Finally, I thought I'd never shut up, heh).