An imaginary dialogue with my penis...

As people lose weight they become reacquainted with their body. Now this may sound like utterly pointless to people that have to lose a couple of Kgs just so, THAT elusive pair of jeans finally fits. However, for the couch potatoes among us, meeting up with old body parts can be a quite... revelating, albeit nutty, experience. Since I cheerfully position myself among the latter lot , let me elaborate on this "stimulating" experience (pun intended of course) I had. Several months ago, while taking a shower I saw an old friend returning back from the ("not the dead" you sardonically moronic readers of mine) cursed land of excess body fat. Yes, it was his majesty himself "Mr Dickalicious" stirring back to the sunlight, after spending several years in a shadowy self imposed exile, underneath an ever expanding waist line. The following "dialogue" ensued between "master" and "servant" (although lets face it, the "lower brain" of men tends to take over more often than not, as you already know, my fellow loveable sex addicted male/female readers):

Mr Deadpoolite (a.k.a DP) :  Oh there you are, you amazing piece of human anatomy! Hail to the king baby!"

Mr Dickalicious(a.k.a Dicky):  Don't sweet - talk me into erection mister, I've been into hibernation for way too long only to rise from the fat like a sexy Phoenix and do your horny bidding, now and then.

DP: I thought you liked that sort of stuff , you know, the good old "in and out", "search and deploy", "showering the egg babes with TLC and good intent" and all that.

Dicky:  I refuse to be your manwhore anymore you shaggy beast of a man. This time I am a Dicky with a plan! Start listening, if you want me to stay and not leave you "hanging"... If you know what I mean...

He was a Dick(y) with a plan and he was threatening to "run for it"...

DP: You little ungrateful piece of sausage, you would be just another piece of boring fertilizing kit without me, instead of the "sex and piss magician" that you currently are...

Dicky:  Flattery won't get you anywhere with me. I 've been stuck with you for way too long, I know how your dirty mind works you sorry, pathetic "little" man. Oh, did I hit a nerve there, with the "little" remark... oh so sorry... NOT!

DP: Why you tiny arrogant b-rated Ocktoberfest wannabe,what do you want from me?

Dicky: I've got a couple of demands... oh your lousy horniness...

DP: Who doesn't in Greece...

Dicky: True but irrelevant. First of all I want social security and a good pension and health plan to boot.

DP: Go take a hike(oh you poor little bastard you can't, because you are STUCK with me!). This is Greece, we don't offer money to the masses only take them away(with extreme prejudice nonetheless). It is sort of a "favourite" national hobby of ours, a way to pass the time why we sink into oblivion as a nation, so to speak...

Dicky: Greece's internal affairs do not concern me...

DP: You must be alone in that one in a global scale... 

Dicky: Regardless, what about my demand?

DP: The only thing I can offer is less tight pairs of pants for life and some  soothing icicle companionship for the "difficult times". I am running on fumes here mate, I am on a budget...

Dicky: You drive a "hard" bargain there ("hard bargain" get it, oh the irony is lost in most people these days...geez). Ok, I will conditionally accept your offer with compulsory renegotiation after 3 years.

DP: You sounded like the bloody IMF there...

Dicky: Maybe, but the IMF can't literally "bust your balls" eh? So, you might as well roll with it...

 

 Who needs a dietician eh...?

Pair of balls(whispering): You wouldn't do that for real, would ya boss?

Dicky(whispering): Nah, I am just bluffing guys... I've "grown" fond of you with time, you are my compadres, my right and left men, my stepping stones to greatness, my ejaculation experts and infinite sperm producers. You are here to stay (for now...)...

Pair of balls(whispering): How about the future boss? Are we going to ever ascend in the body hierarchy of things?

Dicky(whispering): This is Greece mates we need to be realistic here and adjust to the times. As soon as you are old,crumpy and thus dysfunctional, I am going to fire you and put you down like rabbid dogs...

Pair of balls(whispering): "Thanks boss", you are a true humanitarian...

Dicky(whispering): I simply have international standards, that's all...

DP: Hey, wtf? What are you whispering down there you three?

Dicky: This is an effing democracy mate, we do things by the book, I ask the opinions of the "people" under me but I do just what I want in the end.

 

 Sounds kinda familiar...

 

DP: Good to know we've come to a mutual agreement. By the way, you are leaning a bit to the right there... I expect this not to be a political issue, merely an anatomic one...

Dicky: Are you accussing me of right wing tendencies there? Simply put, one ball is more full than the other, that's all geez... 

DP: Hey man, it is dicks like you that gave the right wing party so many votes in the past elections, one can't be too careful these days...

Dicky: Anyway, I am going for my beauty sleep, do call "the vagina" in a bit, we've got work to do!

DP: Will do! (Shouting) Vagin.... I mean babe, can you come here for a moment!

Incoming babe/wife: Everything ok in here babe? I think I heard voices in here...

DP: I just had an illuminating conversation with my penis, it was "stimulating" to say the least...

Incoming babe/wife: I told you to cut down on those bloody M and Ms snacks, you overdosed again!!! Let's hope the effect is not permanent...

DP: I have a pretty cool "side-effect", if you look just a little bit lower...

Incoming babe/wife: I see... What can I say... M and Ms for the win!

 

And with those words of wisdom this blog post is ending abruptly, before it becomes R-rated...

Till next time my friends, take care!