"Gamer" : A movie worthy of the GAME OVER screen...

Today, I went to watch the movie "Gamer" in the local multiplex... Oh, what a grave mistake that was... It all started innocently enough when a friend of us ("us" as in the killer combo of DP and woman crazy enough to love DP) called and told us that he was going to watch the movie "Gamer". My gal proposed to join him and although I was aware of the atrocity against the silver screen that I was going to witness I consented. The premise behind this disaster of a film should have supposedly been cool for the videogaming crowd among which I cheerfully place myself (oh, what a badge of honour for the "gamepad challenged ones", to have me among their high scoring ranks indeed..).

I wish this post was about a fun game and not a crap movie but beggars can't be choosers:) . Still, "PRESS START", you know you want do (why is that, is beyond me though, LOL!)

The basic story was that, in the not so distant future, sexless losers control other people sentenced to death row, in a multiplayer on-line game called "Slayers". As, you can judge from the title of the game, it isn't about psychotic death penaltying geezers exchanging cookie recipes or kniting designs but about on-line fighters blowing eachother to bits in the hope that they are going to be released from prison one day. And so the movie began with such nauseating editing it made the Bourne Supremacy directing look like Wall-E. I honestly had a headache by the end of the first half hour (and let's not talk about my urge to go "Splosion man overload" on whoever contributed in creating this crap). Don't get me wrong, big explosions, meat grinded exploding fools and guns lots of guns are cool when done right, but this mess of direction was like a bad trip on hallucinating drugs (and no I don't mean peanut infused M and Ms although, strangely enough, they do have the same effect on me...).

Ah!!! Constipated Gerard mode in action... Hey man, you didn't blow up everything, missed a spot... or a career in the making who knows... Nah, you will bounce back, this isn't "game over" for you yet( couldn't resist the crappy pun though, sorry, heh).

The movie consisted of actors that wrote 'easy paycheck' on their foreheads with Gerard Butler in particular looking baffled and confused as what on earth he was doing in this flick to begin with. Ah, there were so many memorable moments of poor taste in this vomit inducing celluloid "gem" that I will only provide a couple of examples here (after all I want my readers dangerously entertained.but not uttetly lobotomized): Example number 1: A sweaty half naked uber-fat guy was controlling a babe on-line and another guy was controlling a virtual sex maniac wearing latex...And those two virtual breathing avatars were about to get it on in what must be the most ridiculously camp scene ever.

Then, Gerard Butler entered into the room and broke the sex maniac in half... Smooth Gerard, real smooth... Basically, most of the movie was about this actor breaking other people in half, or shooting them to bits, or (example number 2) taking a leak and vomiting into an ethanol propelled car to fill its reservoir... Oh yes, who needs alternative power sources when you can take a piss, after downing a bottle of vodka, and apparently make a hybrid car move... By that point, the whole audience was either out with the torches and the pitchforks OR plain numb from disbelief at what it had just witnessed. Did I mention that the bad guy, (the looney one out of the Dexter TV series) welcomed the 'hero' of the flick in his mansion, singing and dancing to the "I got you under my skin" song... I mean LOL... and extra LOL and hyper LOL with sugar on top or what!!!

When this is the best scene in the movie, you know you are in the wrong movie... OR maybe the best movie ever made... (incoming slipper from girlfriend, time to dodge, damn that woman has good aim, perfect headshot...ouch!).

I am sure the wacko who made this movie had a lot of money to spare, wanted to pass some sort of weirdo message about on-line communities and how dangerous new technologies can become if not handled right, or had just 'puffed the red dragon' a tad too much. I mean let's face it, naked women tits were flying left and right simply because the 'gamers' of the world are apparently sex crazed individuals lacking the real deal and praying to the gods of youporn, for some Megan Fox lookalike to break into their rooms and f... their brains out. In retrospect, I'd rather had watched "The Running Man" with the "Governator" in the lead role ,once again ,which had convicts in yellow tracksuits trying to survive the killers of a TV show (which sounds equally ridiculous but who cares, I am fighting a lost cause here, LOL!). Ah, the classics folks, don't mess with the classics... Oh well, at least I got a "healthy" portion of nachos with melted cheese into my dieting stomach and felt a lot better about the echoes of my departed cash shouting "SUCKER!" from the distance...


Ah, Arnold, you were half decent back then... and then you got elected:)

Till next time, take care all!

What Deadpool thinks of the Wolverine movie...

I may have the blog, I may be called Deadpoolite and be the zanier comic book inspired blogger, however there is a reason I don't use Deadpool's name as a nickname... somebody got it before me, f*@ing bastard!!! Now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, let's diss out some verbal punishment towards the way of the Wolverine live action movie starring his uber coolness Mr. Hugh Jackman. Don't get me wrong, I like Hugh's depiction of Wolvie as much as the next guy but being a DP fan I wanted predominantly to see how his silver screen debut came along. And "see" I did... But why bother you with my own sorry drivel when his mock-ajesty Mr Deadpool himself is once again among us. Without further ado let's begin this interview that will rock the world of the minions of my invisible yet loyal readers...Major spoilers coming your way, but trust me I am doing you a favour:

Deadpoolite(DL): Hello, my 2-Dimensional Merc with a mouth, how ya doing?
Deadpool(DP): Shut up and shut up!!!
DL: Always the charmer I see... So, I reckon that you have watched the Wolverine movie then, right?
DP: Yeah, I watched up until Ryan Reynolds shut his pup for good...
DL: But that was like 15 mins into the movie!!!
DP: Best 15 mins of my life!
DL: So, how faithful were they to the character of DP almighty then?
DP: If you take aside the fact that I am profficient both in guns and swords which they didn't show, that I have a healing factor which was AOL until my (DP puking in his mouth...) "transformation", I have a full body Spiderman rip-off costume that was nowhere to be seen and that I never shut up, while in the movie I was speechless for most of it, I think they "nailed" it real good...
DL: So would you call it a faithful transfer of your awesomeness from page to celluloid?
DP: What the hell is "celluloid"?
DL: Nothing contagious I assure you...
DP: Don't mess with me boy or I swear to the divine flavour of M and Ms and taco bells that I will have your head!!!
DL: If that is going to bring me any more readers I am ready to pay the price!

What is...

DP: Hey, I am a hitman not a miracle worker... I mean seriously you got a DP themed blog, I am like marginally B-list behind spoiled A-listers: Weblooney Spidey, Green beans Hulkie and Iron "Magnetism intolerant" Man. Heck, even Blade got like 3 movies of his own... How do you expect to get any readership with my ugly mug all over the place?
DL: It is a risk I am willing to take...
DP: Hey, it is your google-analytics funeral dude, leave me out of your wet fantasy of dominating the bloggosphere and all your readers being gorgeous babes worshipping you...
DL: YOU CAN READ INTO MY MIND???
DP:No...
DL: Damn, busted... Anyhow, back to the movie, what did you think of yourself in it?
DP: Well, mistake number 1 they shut me up... I mean OK I had all these cool powers and Wolverine was like toast but a guy on a PC was controlling me typing on MSN messenger I mean that is low...
DL: So, you lost the battle because of MSN lag then?
DP: Damn Microsoft servers, if only I could change my head into a smiley of some sort they would have never decapitated me, I mean it is a common known fact that everyone likes smileys...

What was for 15 minutes or so...

Voice heard from a distance... "All except two..."

DL (Shouting): Noted dudes!
DP: Who was that?
DL: Just the voices in my head nothing to worry about...
DP:Ooookkkaaayy....
DL: So how about the rest of the movie, was there any redeeming quality at all in it?
DP: Blob was fat, Gambit was ridiculous, that pretty much sums it up...
DL: That's it?
DP:Yeah, I suppose it does. I was too busy eating Doritos with cheese to notice. Hugh Jackman was okay, I genuinely believe that he thought this movie was a good idea...
DL: You said "genuine", man your vocabulary is getting better you must be getting soft...
DP: Just a minor side effect of digesting your verbal crap...
DL: What about the rest of the cast?
DP: The Sabretooth dude was having fun but I am not sure he knew why, the rest of the cast died too soon or were sleepwalking throughout the movie which is always good when you want to hit the toilet during a movie...
DL: Did you go many times to the toilet during Wolverine?
DP: Man, I never left the toilet...

And what we ended up with...

DL: Ok then, on the issue of the scriptwriters shutting you up 15 mins into the movie what did you think?
DP:Off with their heads I say!!! That was sacriligiously blasphemous, I mean I had so much wackiness to share and then they went, temporarily killed me off (off-screen as well) and then reanimate me with my mouth shut... A fate worst than death... I really hoped my healing factor would fail me at that point but the Hollywood gods were not merciful with me... Damn bastards!!!
DL: Last couple of questions DP, ready for them?
DP: Sure, who cares your blog can't sink any lower readership wise ,so why not give it it's final death blow... I aim to please you see...
DL: Do you want Ryan Reynolds to play you in an upcoming full blown ultra hyper Deadpool spin off movie?
DP(in teenage girl voice): Ryyyaaannnn, oh I love him so much!!! Go Ryan, here take my underwear!!!
DL(holding my nose): Pffff, man you need to wash more...
DP: Personal hygiene is highgly overrated... Either you agree or I instantly decapitate you!
DL(making victory sign with both hands): You are da man DP!!!
DP: Don't you just love democracy...

It better be...

DL: And now for the final question...
DP: ...
DL: What will happen if the scriptwriters shut you up again in your own movie this time...?
DP: I think that learning to write using their feet is a fantastic skill that they should definitely try since it will become a necessity... Besides, I will be above their heads at all times giving them my *ahem* "creative input". You know use their asses for target practice with my Piranha darts, constantly make jokes about their penises, the works... Ah, that will get them going I am sure. Nothing like a good old motivation strategy DP style I assure you...
DL: That is that then thank you for joining this ridiculous fictional interview that never happened...
DP: Hey man, it is your brain and your insanity, I am just glad I was in for the ride. Now shut up and shut up!!!


Beating some sense into the "movie abomination DP(?)" was a dirty job but someone had to do it:).

And just like that DP vanished into my wacky subconcious leaving a trail of rotten taco bell smell behind him...

Hope you cracked a smile or two, take care all!

Who is the thug?

You know sometimes with blogging you have to go back to basics. You have to remember what made you start blogging in the first place. Were you bored out of your mind? Did you have an inherent need to ridicule yourself in front of a reading audience, did you just want to have some fun (regardless of what one considers “fun”). So now, as things become more and more complicated in my real life where does that leave my blogging addiction? I don’t have the answer to that but all I know is that the reason I founded this blog was to have fun. Have fun by exercising some sort of vitriolic, wacky, self sarcastic sense of humour towards things I like, things that catch my interest, things that are absolutely over the top to the point of infinitely ridiculous. In that mould, today I am in the mood to take the piss out of something and that always feels liberating. The unfortunate victim of my verbal mayhem will be the new guy playing James Bond, the infamous Daniel Craig.

Oh 007 where art thou? Who is this imposter in your place...? Pierce! Come back to the world of uber tight tuxedos and miniature handguns...please:)

To spice things up, I’ll present my reaction when I learned that this guy is going to play the role of James Bond(way before the actually movie was made) and then my reaction after I watched the actual movie. So take your popcorn, clear your brains of any meaningful thoughts, set your sense of logic into stand by…If you have done all of the above successfully(by the way this blog doesn’t take any responsibility for any temporary of permanent brain damage caused to its readers…), get ready to indulge into the reading of another pointless attempt of Deadpoolite to tear apart pop culture(you know usually an introduction to a blog entry has to motivate readers to READ ON, not banish one’s blog into oblivion…Maybe I have to become uber clichéd to lure the masses instead… nahhh too boring, lol).

Deadpoolite... Wacky Deadpoolite... At your blogging service ladies and gentlemen:)

So I remember the infamous day when I read the grave news on the net. Pierce Brosnan was to be "Mr. 007" no more… “Surely” I thought, "if the producers have the balls to replace the guy who has arguably been the best Bond since Sean Connery his replacement has to be some extremely cool and charming guy". Then, I read on… the name of the new actor incarnating Bond was Daniel Craig. My first reaction was “Who?”, then I saw the picture of the guy and the PC screen flickered violently for a brief moment(the spirits of bad casting choice had awakened it seems...). Surely this cant be… this must be a typo… some raving stupid rumour spreading on the net as usual. Then I checked another movie site and another... Nope it wasnt a bad dream... that was certainly the guy who would be James Bond, Daniel Craig. At that exact moment my good friend Alan( I was trespassing on his PC you see, lol) came into the room. He saw the picture of Daniel Craig and he said: "Who is the thug?". Never truer words have been spoken... Being the movie buff that I am I tried to recall some movies where I had seen Daniel Craig in, even if he was as verbal as a garden stool in them. I tried, I really tried. I remembered there was a movie where he played the bastard gigolo of sorts (havent watched it but someone I know has... poor sucker...lol), in another one I've read that he was playing an uber gay guy. Furthermore, I've seen the trailer of a third one called 'Layer Cake' (no it is not about the fine art of bakery, it is a gangster movie, lol). The only movie I have watched him from start to finish in (yeah I am mazochistic like that, it makes my world a better place,ha,ha,ha) was 'Munich' in which he played a dodgy British /Israeli guy (what a stretch for his acting then... he is British...) and he was probably the most indifferent member of the whole cast. And this guy was to be the next Bond...I still couldnt believe it. The following dialogue between myself and Alan ensued(OK, not really but it totally reflects our sentiments on the day...)

Alan: So who is the thug?
DP: Do you have a heart condition?
Alan: Nope, unless you count extreme coolness as a disease of sorts:)
DP: You are so full of BS , you can flood the room you know...
Alan: So who is the thug then?
DP: He is the new James Bond!
Alan: Are they shooting it as a parody?
DP: More like a tragedy waiting to happen...
Alan: So he is definitely the new 007, I guess they want to kill off the property...
DP: Guess so...
Alan: Dude, he is such a thug isnt he?
DP: Yep he was born to be one and he will always be one....just look at his face... He looks like he is the punch bag of Rocky Balboa...
Alan: And that is the understatement of the year...


In the process I discovered a site made by Bond afficionados who were objecting to Daniel Craig's choice as James Bond. They were totally pushing the envelope with the issue but it was a funny place to hung out for a while. I wonder if it is still on-line...


Does he stick out like a sore thumb or what... I mean even Timothy Dalton looks cooler... More of this at : http://www.danielcraigisnotbond.com/ .
Enjoy:)


So here we are today having watched the new movie a few weeks back... Do I still believe he is a crap choice to play Bond? I have to say that I dont care about great box office numbers, James Bond is such a huge franchise, Danny De Vito could play him and he would still bring lots of money in, LOL. Thus, the argument that "Daniel Thaig" is suitable for the role is as valid as the argument that I am totally sane...Utter BS:) Ok, on with the festivities then. Casino Royale is a great action movie, it is good fun, it has a griddy sense of danger and violence. So, a guy like me should be in 'macho men heaven' if such a place truely exists, just by watching it... right? Well, all is good, until Daniel Craig's close up face shots come in play. He looks like a thug, he looks like a henchman, like a deranged psychopathic hitman of sorts, like a cross dressing inmate of celebrity big brother at best. He looks like anyone else BUT Bond! No amount of bicep power and glittering tuxedo can convince me otherwise. When Daniel Craig tries to play it cool , he plays it "constipation infused cool". He just doesn have it... he is trying...he is sweating... he is smirking... he raises his eyebrow and tightens the upper lip. He makes an attempt to transform into a believable Bond but he just doesnt have IT. I mean I dont think he could flirt, in his Bond persona, with a woman successfully even if his life depended on it. Because Daniel definitely reads my blog (maybe in an alternate universe, lol) I dont want to leave him on a low. I dont want him to go and jump from a high cliff just because DP said so... Behind his bummish doofus appearence hides a sensitive man, a man that "outcockneys the cockniest" among us. In that respect, I present you the best Daniel Craig mugshot known to man! It is the photoshopped image that outphotoshops the most photoshopped images in existence. So, Daniel smile... you may not be Bond per se but this has been a "bonding" (sorry couldnt resist the pun, guilty as charged, LOL) experience with your zero membered fan base.Cherish the moment... Take it on the chin Daniel... it wont be the first time as your face so eloquently "states"...


Presenting you with Bond's ArchNemesis' number one henchman... Wait a minute... this cant be... this is Bond? NOOOOOOO!!!! Movie gods have mercy on us....:) "When Bond went thug or when thug went Bond..." Either way it sucks... Shoot(cinematically not literally ha,ha,ha) the guy from a bird's eye view distance only and you've got something good going on...:) By the way this is him on a good day... This is probably his best photoshopped mugshot ever, so give him a pat on the back then for a job well done:)



If reinventing a franchise, that didnt need reinvention to begin with, means casting on the lead role a guy who looks like he just escaped from a sanitarium and mutters one liners like : "I am aware that 00 agents have a limited life expectancy" with the coolness and acting ability of an ice block, then all credit to them. Welcome agent ThugBond! I am sure you are here to stay...

Another "tearing apart pop culture" mission successfully completed. Life is so much fun in the little blog universe of agent DP, isn't it:)

Till next time, take care fellow blogging accomplices!


P.S. A little something for the road.... enjoy!



The theme song to end all theme songs :)

The Rambo 4 trailer, a chunk of b-movie heaven (manic laughter ensues…)

God bless youtube… hey I am not kidding! I haven’t sold out to the commercial sirens of this fun little place called World Wide Web just yet but credit should be awarded when it is due. A few days ago, I was bored, I was puzzled by what my next step would be in this adventure called life, I was daydreaming about a blonde conquest I had set my “love sight” superpower on (hey Spiderman has spidersense I got love sight, I really don’t know who got the worst part of the superpowers deal, lol) you can call it whatever you want…I was mentally all over the place (story of my life…lol). Then, as I was lazily browsing the web I went by the familiar internet neighbourhood of youtube to find something to spice things up, even if only in the visual sense, or to just make my laughter sense go wild (yep, I got all the cool superpowers, fact, lol). For some uncanny reason I typed in “Rambo 4” to see if there were any movie clips of this upcoming spectacle of past glories goodness.

"Who needs a razor blade for shaving...Not Rambo for sure..."

I got one better than I expected…someone had put a full fleshed trailer of the Rambo 4 movie on the site! The movie is now cheekily called “John Rambo”, probably because this way the movie sounds more like a hopeful new beginning rather than the last nail in the coffin of a movie series that should have been dead and buried right after the decent first movie. Curiosity (as if I needed an excuse, lol) got the best of me and I clicked the appropriate link to watch the trailer clip. For the next couple of minutes, I witnessed bits and pieces of what seems to constitute the new Rambo movie. Following the end of the trailer, I bursted into wild laughter! Maybe I needed it more that I expected, maybe it was just my usual folly self getting out in the open once again… truth be told it doesn’t really matter, what matters is that this damn clip of Rambo 4 made my day so to speak!

"This is where it all started..."

Basically there are so many things that I found highly amusing in this trailer, it is unbelievable! I am not one to shy away from a challenge so I ‘ll try to present you the juice of the funny parts as good as I can. The trailer begins with John Rambo aka Sly Stallone being an overaged veteran loner, albeit one so pumped up with steroids that he could give the great pharmaceutical industries of this world a run for their money to keep up with his personal daily consumption of the “good stuff”. From the first lines he speaks, it seems that what Rambo has gained in muscle tissue all these years of movie exile he has lost it in verbal prowess (I double checked if the trailer was running at normal speed or at slow motion and to my horror it was actually running at normal speed! Yep the poor bastard was talking THAT slow…). From the first few viewing moments, you can tell that Stallone is bored out of his mind of the whole affair but to his credit he goes for it anyway, sleep walking(or sleep talking depending on your perspective….lol) in scene after scene. The highlight of his “non-war days” is when he is shown fishing in the local river using his trusty bow and arrows since traditional methods of fishing apparently don’t cut it in that river (I kinda of hoped that he would use his explosive arrows for fishing in that scene but life is full of disappointments I suppose…lol). Anyway, as fate would have it (how original…) the ever “amateur pacifist” Rambo is thrown pretty soon into the thick of the action. His quest? To liberate a blonde chick from the clutches of some unknown guerrilla warriors or whatever. That is when things went from slightly amusing to full blown ridiculously funny. Let me elaborate on that one…

"This seems like a movie mastepiece all of a sudden...Adrriieennneee..."

To begin with, Rambo is shown seemingly creeping behind an unsuspecting and apparently absolutely deaf guard to off him from behind. This sounds all good enough action but it became ludicrous since Rambo took his sweet time to stand up behind the guy, grind his teeth like a victim of extreme constipation before delivering the death blow (let’s just say an ox would have been more inconpiscuous…lol). Then, sudden cut to a jeep with a mounted machine gun on (which was conveniently placed next to the hapless, now diseased, guard…) and Rambo starts shooting like mad everything that moves. “Everything that moves” helps Rambo’s just cause by conveniently aligning themselves directly in front of his line of fire to save him time from such trivial things like aiming and reloading. Then, we see the blonde woman tied up with her hands behind her back, pleading with a skinny guard not to unleash his "sex mojo" on her. The guy is of course defiant of the request or just doesn’t understand English and attempts to unzip his trousers… the thing is it seems this guy couldn’t unzip his pants if his life depended on it. Visually, he resembled more a guy that was making a poor attempt at sensually stripping or a dude whose zipper had suddenly become self-aware, warmly embracing his balls and not leting go (I wouldn’t like to be him when his prostate runs rampant at an old age and unzipping fast becomes a top survival skill…). Truth be told, being the nutty guy that I am, I expected his “southern area package” to break the clutches of its confinement and scream “Freedom!” bursting out of his pants. As fate would have it though, Rambo terminated him “silently” from behind depriving me of this guilty, albeit highly unlikely, pleasure. After that sequence of pure bliss, a few scenes followed where Rambo killed off a couple of guys gutting them (I guess he had a lot of practise gutting fish and he took it to the next level, go figure…), he shouted lazily at the now saved blonde “Run! You can make it”, he sprinted for a whole 2 metres without collapsing from exhaustion (better than I can manage I am sure, lol) and he shot an explosive arrow at some poor bastard who just happened to pass by (either the local postman or a guy killed for the 100^th time in this movie, they all look the same blown up you know, lol). All of a sudden the Rambo 4 trailer was nearing completion with Stallone walking by the screen, lazily looking in disbelief around him, bewildered at the whole affair(or maybe he was just trembling under the weight of the impending hefty payday at the box office who knows...). In that final glorious shot, he seemed more keen to devour a couple of cheeseburgers with fries and coke than to embark on a killing spree (I guess it is his version of “method acting”, lol). Then the words “John Rambo” flashed on the screen and the trailer ended, giving my brain synapses a much needed break…

"Ok, I officially peed my pants now...
I mean to make 4 movies out of THIS GUY,
he is bloody unstoppable alright"

I wonder what if Stallone met Rambo instead, one short conversation there, first the gutting then the talking...lol"


Throughout most of this surreal viewing experience I was either gently smiling or laughing out loud. I am not going to watch this movie in the theatres, I don’t see the point, but boy am I going to rent/buy the DVD and view it repeatedly in instants of boredom, sadness or self-existential crisis. Yep, all credit to you Stallone, you got to me at the end, maybe not in the way you anticipated (action movie) but with a “healthy?” side effect (comedy gold) of what you actually aimed for. ”John Rambo” seems like a b-movie gem dressed up in blockbuster clothes and is destined for b-movie heaven as so many movies before it… it is so bad it’s good… just wait and see…

"Never truer words have been spoken...roll on John Rambo!"

Now that my rant is finished I can thank you all once again for joining the fun!

Till next time, ta da!

p.s. Got to share this link of Rambo madness before it self destructs, go for it at your own risk:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxpUaLD6LhI

When action meets soap opera with cataclysmic results...

You know I really wanted to go serious on you if only for one post, if only temporarily. It is called personal credibility I am told. You know be really deep, express your inner emotions, write about your frustrations and exorcise the evil within (god, I need to lay down on the Evil Dead trilogy viewings, lol). I was determined but unfortunately the blogoverse had different plans for me. Let me elaborate. After the evening meal, I switched on the "little funny box" called TV just to zap past channels with meaningless programs. A moment before I switch off the tv, I tuned on a channel that was showing probably "Bold and the beautiful" (that is a US soap opera for the ones fortunate enough not to litter their brain cells with such useless knowledge,oopps too late now, lol). As I was ready to log off and go on with my life, I saw an actor on-screen which, let's just say, I didnt expect to see on a soap opera. Lorenzo fricking Lamas!

"Lorenzo Lamas in his action glory days
kicking asses left and right"

"Lorenzo Lamas, the puppy eyed version,
going all soap opera versatile on our asses"

What next...?

"Shakespeare? Have mercy..."

You may wonder who the fuck is Lorenzo Lamas. This guy is one of those unsung all american action heroes. You know the type, semi or all muscular dealing justice to the crooked on TV or DVD. Him on a soap opera! The TV-verse works in mysterious ways, I am telling you.

It was like epiphany, my seriously damaged brain was suddenly filled with images of greatness from such action b-movie legends like Chuck "the ultimate roundhouse kick" Norris, Steven "the pony tail of doom" Seagal, Jean Claude "the belgian oak" Van damme and Dolph "I got my ass kicked in Rocky 4" Ludgren. These are the true american heroes not like the overrated stallones and swartzenegers (I am bound to spell his name wrong it is inevitable,lol) of this world. These people keep making movies despite having zero acting talent so it makes you re-evaluate if the US was indeed the land of opportunity once upon a time. You know what a real fan boy's dream would be , just to pit all those suckers in the same movie kicking eachothers asses. That would be a sight to behold and the ultimate collector's DVD. Just dont put too many lines on the script and you are looking at a masterpiece. If only those hollywood big shot producers took their heads out of their asses and took notice.

"What is the essence of life? Getting shot by me!"

"I want to flex my acting muscles
like my real ones. Get me a soap
opera role, please..."

"You know movies like this made
me think getting my ass kicked in
Rocky 4 was a blessing..."

Blame the madness I unleashed in this blog entry on a single viewing of Lorenzo Lamas being all emotional and romantic in a soap opera. Let me tell you, I half expected him to start sending punches right and left just for old times sake you know, but he was a gentleman and didnt fakely punch anyone. Maybe in the next episode...

P.s. 1 : Useless info coming up! Lorenzo Lamas played in ALL the episodes of Falcon Crest another soap opera back in the days of the dinosaurs...

P.s.2 : Never have I mentioned the world "ass" so many times without referring to women once!
That is me Deadpoolite "the ultimate version" then, a bonafide gentleman,lol!

P.s.3: Ok, I'll try to get serious on my next post. Seriously...oh come on now dont laugh...not too hard anyway, lol!

Catch you later!