Switch off your mobiles, movie post in progress damn it!

So, yeah this is pretty much a defunct blog, one that it's owner keeps visiting for some pervasive reason though, LOL! So, I guess it ain't THAT defunct just in a state of " highly selective hibernation", yeah that is more like it... Today's lesson of madness is going to revolve around movies and the movie going experience. This is by no means sparked by a single movie going event but is more of an amalgam of random thoughts about the process of watching the damn things at cinema theatres. Lately, I have watched a couple of these buggers, namely " Avatar" (in 3D after having watched it 2D first simply because there was no initial choice) and "Sherlock Holmes". Both movies were good fun and I hate when people dismiss watching some movies simply because 'they are silly blockbusters', they are 'American toss and C-list fodder' or whatever. Some movies should be given the benefit of the doubt (although Transformers 2 should be given the death penalty instead).

First there was the Megan Fox cleavage... eh Transformers 2 poster I mean, and all was good... Then they went and made a movie out of it and it all went downhill from there:).

I am sure by now most of us are familiar with the movie going experience in multiplex cinemas. A bunch of people storm the blockbuster movie waiting to be shocked and awed (not really) preferrably in a GOOD WAY (you hear that X-Men Origins : Wolverine!!! Oh, Deadpool's treatment in that drivel still hurts to this very day...please movie gods, make it stop!!!). So, among the badly cooked doritos with cheese (still can't shake the 'industrial oil' taste of the cheese last time I tried those), the pop corn mountains and the ringtone competition of horror there is an actual movie to watch.And at the end of the day, in an era where the options of watching a movie are unlimited, it seems that going to the movie theatre still holds some charm especially for the 'big event' movies.

I am going to get the b*rd even if it means, funding my own movie!

Let's take 'Avatar' for example... So, much hype you couldn't really miss it even when taking a damp... I swear, one time, prior of wiping my perfectly shaped behind (or so I say myself, LOL!) I saw a Navi face coming out of the toilet paper roll in glorious full 3D! (For the not 'Avatar enlightened' , "Navi" is the name of the blue people on all the Avatar visual cues you see left and right). Yeah, all that talk about 'the cinema revolution' and 'the next step in the movie viewing experience ' had finally gotten to my head it seems... The 3D movie experience itself was interesting in parts although I wouldn't like it to become the norm (not on my toilet rolls at least). I have to say in the first ten minutes or so, I could feel my head struggling to cope with the new imagery since our bloody vision is already in 3D and so essentially we superimpose more 3D on our already establisthed 3D watching goodness, thus making our brains go temporarily haywire. Still, 3D or no 3D the movie was good in my book, judged by the merits of a Sci- Fi movie extravaganza with a decent message twist and definitely a feast for the senses (and since I am on a diet, I welcome any feast other than an eating one with open arms, sigh...). Closing pervert line alert... I am still not sure how the Navi "do it" (you know 'procreate', 'do the nasty', 'give eachother sugar' THAT do it, geez!) so we will have to wait for the DVD edition to see more 'joined ponytails' mayhem, it seems, LOL!

And then I materialized near DP's ass and I saw it drawing close in glorious 3D, I kid you not! The nightmares, the horrible nightmares...

The Sherlock Holmes movie was a different beast altogether. I have to say, being a fan of the title character did wet my appetite a bit more for watching this. And trust me, it did not disappoint. Robert Downey Jr gave a superb interpretation of the character but I have to say that the one that truely surprised me was Jude Law. He does an amazing job as Dr Watson and has great chemistry with Downey Jr. Simply put, this movie was FUN! Special kudos to the visual way Guy Richie presented Holmes' deductive logic, I loved it! The only bad thing about the movie was the bloody doritos I tried eating while watching it, I swear that smelly 'semi-liquid' cheese accompanying them can melt any solid substance known to man! Oh, well I lived to tell the tale and brag about how hardcore I am surviving devouring part of it, so I guess a stupid story of movie going heroism ain't a bad way to survive the ordeal,LOL!

Elementary my dear readers... Oh, that was so cheesy, I love it!!!

So, yeah, usually the movie going experience's downfalls come more from something like a girl crying in the audience (damn that Dumbledore death in Harry Potter that sent the proverbial girl into tears making me to want to manically laugh at the absurdity of it all, LOL!) rather than the movie itself. Although, the "Gamer "movie almost made me reach for my tissues and the Russian roulette revolver I always carry with me for such occassions. Unfortunately, I missed...

Till next time, take care all!

"Gamer" : A movie worthy of the GAME OVER screen...

Today, I went to watch the movie "Gamer" in the local multiplex... Oh, what a grave mistake that was... It all started innocently enough when a friend of us ("us" as in the killer combo of DP and woman crazy enough to love DP) called and told us that he was going to watch the movie "Gamer". My gal proposed to join him and although I was aware of the atrocity against the silver screen that I was going to witness I consented. The premise behind this disaster of a film should have supposedly been cool for the videogaming crowd among which I cheerfully place myself (oh, what a badge of honour for the "gamepad challenged ones", to have me among their high scoring ranks indeed..).

I wish this post was about a fun game and not a crap movie but beggars can't be choosers:) . Still, "PRESS START", you know you want do (why is that, is beyond me though, LOL!)

The basic story was that, in the not so distant future, sexless losers control other people sentenced to death row, in a multiplayer on-line game called "Slayers". As, you can judge from the title of the game, it isn't about psychotic death penaltying geezers exchanging cookie recipes or kniting designs but about on-line fighters blowing eachother to bits in the hope that they are going to be released from prison one day. And so the movie began with such nauseating editing it made the Bourne Supremacy directing look like Wall-E. I honestly had a headache by the end of the first half hour (and let's not talk about my urge to go "Splosion man overload" on whoever contributed in creating this crap). Don't get me wrong, big explosions, meat grinded exploding fools and guns lots of guns are cool when done right, but this mess of direction was like a bad trip on hallucinating drugs (and no I don't mean peanut infused M and Ms although, strangely enough, they do have the same effect on me...).

Ah!!! Constipated Gerard mode in action... Hey man, you didn't blow up everything, missed a spot... or a career in the making who knows... Nah, you will bounce back, this isn't "game over" for you yet( couldn't resist the crappy pun though, sorry, heh).

The movie consisted of actors that wrote 'easy paycheck' on their foreheads with Gerard Butler in particular looking baffled and confused as what on earth he was doing in this flick to begin with. Ah, there were so many memorable moments of poor taste in this vomit inducing celluloid "gem" that I will only provide a couple of examples here (after all I want my readers dangerously entertained.but not uttetly lobotomized): Example number 1: A sweaty half naked uber-fat guy was controlling a babe on-line and another guy was controlling a virtual sex maniac wearing latex...And those two virtual breathing avatars were about to get it on in what must be the most ridiculously camp scene ever.

Then, Gerard Butler entered into the room and broke the sex maniac in half... Smooth Gerard, real smooth... Basically, most of the movie was about this actor breaking other people in half, or shooting them to bits, or (example number 2) taking a leak and vomiting into an ethanol propelled car to fill its reservoir... Oh yes, who needs alternative power sources when you can take a piss, after downing a bottle of vodka, and apparently make a hybrid car move... By that point, the whole audience was either out with the torches and the pitchforks OR plain numb from disbelief at what it had just witnessed. Did I mention that the bad guy, (the looney one out of the Dexter TV series) welcomed the 'hero' of the flick in his mansion, singing and dancing to the "I got you under my skin" song... I mean LOL... and extra LOL and hyper LOL with sugar on top or what!!!

When this is the best scene in the movie, you know you are in the wrong movie... OR maybe the best movie ever made... (incoming slipper from girlfriend, time to dodge, damn that woman has good aim, perfect headshot...ouch!).

I am sure the wacko who made this movie had a lot of money to spare, wanted to pass some sort of weirdo message about on-line communities and how dangerous new technologies can become if not handled right, or had just 'puffed the red dragon' a tad too much. I mean let's face it, naked women tits were flying left and right simply because the 'gamers' of the world are apparently sex crazed individuals lacking the real deal and praying to the gods of youporn, for some Megan Fox lookalike to break into their rooms and f... their brains out. In retrospect, I'd rather had watched "The Running Man" with the "Governator" in the lead role ,once again ,which had convicts in yellow tracksuits trying to survive the killers of a TV show (which sounds equally ridiculous but who cares, I am fighting a lost cause here, LOL!). Ah, the classics folks, don't mess with the classics... Oh well, at least I got a "healthy" portion of nachos with melted cheese into my dieting stomach and felt a lot better about the echoes of my departed cash shouting "SUCKER!" from the distance...


Ah, Arnold, you were half decent back then... and then you got elected:)

Till next time, take care all!

Beware innocent movie goers, John (C)Ra(p)mbo is back!!!

Rambo being stealthy(truth be told, he seems more smelly than stealthy to me...). Okaaayyy... I am sold, NOT!!! :).

It wasn't too long ago that the movie "John Rambo" (a.k.a. Rambo 4) came to my attention and I gave it the "royal" treatment in this past post of mine. As soon as I had watched that trailer I knew that a new benchmark for uber cheesiness coupled with atrocious lameness would be set with this movie. Let's not forget that this is no b-movie in budget, so it has no excuses for being... well... the brainless monster of a movie that it is:). Yet, the male 'sentimentalist' in me prevailed (let's face it guns and boys go as much together as fish and feta cheese.... wait a minute fish and feta cheese don't go well together...lol... oh well what can you do...heh).

I had to see this movie just to have an opinion on it. Let me rephrase that, I had to watch this movie just to be able to present my impressions of it in this blog. Oh the hell with it...let's be absolutely honest here... I had to see this motion picture so I could tear it apart 'limb by limb' and feel good about it. Yep, that is more like it... I was as biased as they come, I knew it was going to be a relic of the 80s with richer special effects and no consideration for political correctness. I knew that John Rambo would be once more a one man army that could annihilate hordes of foes by sheer breathing on them. And guess what, I didn't care at the absurdity of it all:). But enough of my past "expectations"! Time to unleash upon you the hard, cold, truth about this movie regardless of the readership casualties that such a task will certainly evoke. I am ready to pay the price for my insolence (aren't I always? LOL).

Heavy spoilers coming up!!! Not as heavy as Stallone's inflated muscles and definitely not as heavy as his massacring machine gun barrage against every poor extra in the film but still pretty heavy, LOL!!!

So as I comfortably positioned my punk Mercy ass on the movie theatre's seat, I knew I had already experienced the best part of the movie. A pack of warm pop corn in one hand and a diet coke on the other I was in movie land heaven and that was enough. As the main feature kicked in, I knew this heavenly feeling of enjoyment wouldn't last... We were treated to a barrage of crappily edited montage of war images and tortured victims since, guess what, the movie had to establish that the bad guys of the movie were ... well... BAD. Then, a severely constipated Stallone appeared on screen chasing snakes in the jungle. Truth be told he didn't really do much apart from waving his hands and other people grabbing the snake or the other way around (the problem was if he bent over his T-shirt would probably erupt since he was bloated as hell, especially his torso...).

Regardless, after being treated to some montage of Stallone literally sleep walking through the scenery and some more bad guy stuff (to establish that everything Rambo would do to them later on was justified...), a pack of missionaries came into the fold. Rambo told them not to go to the war zone and -surprise, surprise- they went, because otherwise Rambo would have to keep chasing snakes for the rest of the movie and that would be, not so "Rambo-ish" I suppose...The funny thing was that one of the missionaries said : "I've been making this trip for the past decade and I am aware of all the dangers...". As soon as they set foot on their destination, the missionaries were captured (I guess all that decade long experience of travelling to the place paid out really well for the leader of the expedition, LOL).

He is gonna blow!!! And you know it:).

Up to that point Stallone was heavily sedated (wait a minute he is always like that, it is called 'method (bs)acting' I am told...LOL). The pastor that sent the expedition to this suicide mission hired mercenaries to recover the captured missionaries (let's face it, probably all pastors in the Rambo universe have mercenaries on speed dial right next to the pizza delivery numbers...) . Rambo tagged along with the useless mercenaries for 3 apparent reasons: 1)He liked the only woman in the expedition probably because she didn't faint from the stench oozing from his armpits, 2) Butchering bad guys does better box office than chasing snakes, 3) More shooting means less talking and that is always preferable for Stallone and every action hero ever depicted on film.

The Mercenaries although totally useless and clueless about every aspect of their mission ditched Rambo as being, well, a bit gay and sleepy eyed. Moments later, he used his trusty bow for something other than fishing (yes, fishing...) and in no time he was leading them! I suppose using one of his patented 'malarchy infused speeches' about warriors being warriors and not plumbers or something ( and certainly not snake eaters, snake tamers, snake molesters and anything snake related I assume) did the trick. In the meantime, the bad guys were doing bad things over at the camp like ravaging everything that moved and looking menacing in their gay getups. Surprisingly, although in ' extremely horny overload mode' they didn't even think of touching the only WHITE BLONDE WOMAN in the premises. But then again this is a Rambo movie and they were only going to attempt such a feat only secs before the main man, the big cheese, the dude, his majesty, John Rambo himself would be seconds away from tearing their throats apart. How convenient...:)

'Us' action heroes have all the same priorities more or less it seems... It is what keeps us going:). Technically, I am an 'action looney' extraordinaire but beggars can't be choosers, LOL!!!

After the ridiculously edited rescue mission and a courageous sprint of a 'steroids dripping' Stallone through the jungle that resulted in a ridiculously big explosion, the movie entered its final act. Miraculously the Mercenaries were captured instantly by their pursuers although in the previous scene they were armed and dangerous but who cares if they were trained professionals... Noone is as trained as Rambo, except from Chuck Norris who can pretty much level mountains with a single kick as we all know... So when all seemed lost, who saved the day? But Rambo of course...

This is where the movie became an all out videogame with Stallone mounting a machine gun attached on a jeep and massacring every single living being on screen, except, of course, from his allies (because as we all know Rambo never misses a shot and if he does then Chuck Norris will probably stop the bullet in mid flight with his bare hands so no worries , LOL).So despite Rambo being stationary, on a jeep, with every enemy knowing his position, he managed to butcher every one in sight keeping at it for around 20 mins with his ass literally 'embedded' on the jeep(it is a known fact that enemy bullets 'respect' Rambo so much that they never make impact, so no surprises there...). If memory serves a single bullet hit Rambo but by the looks of it, a mosquito bite would be much more lethal and bloody since 'the mulleted fool with a red headband twist' didn't even blink. After lazily finishing off the last bunch of pointlessly standing enemies that happily positioned themselves in his line of fire, Rambo dismounted from the jeep (or slipped and fell from it, the verdict is still out on that one...), just in time to gut the leader of the bad guys who conveniently passed by right next to where Rambo was (I like punctuality in a bad guy, I really do, when all he does is land gracefully on the hero's knife,it is just so 'realistic'...). Now that Rambo had used his trusty knife for something else than spreading peanut butter on bread and all Rambo cliches in the list had been done to death, a Stallone at the verge of a stroke smirked like 'a bloated balloon on crack' before leaving the scene, presumably scratching his ass in the process but that is still open to debate. As for the movie finale, let's just say that "Rambo 5 : Brokeback stoner" is not too unrealistic an option :).

The admiration of Rambo's enemies towards his superb marksmanship skills knew no bounds... The only problem was, that they had no limbs attached to shake his hand and no heads attached to ask for an autograph...:)

Having concluded this onslaught of a movie review of 'John Rambo' or 'Rambo 4' or "the action movie that Stallone managed to complete without bursting from steroids" I have only one question in mind... When is Rambo 5 coming out? LOL!!!


Hope you cracked a smile or two!

Till next time, take care all!

Blockbusters 2007 under the hitman's scope....

Ok, I thought about this and decided. Yes, my soul is scarred from what happened to my country but does that make me go all puppy eyed and gloom, bursting into tears just listening to the word 'fire'? Hell, no! Life is a neverending adventure full of interchangeable joys and hardships, it is what makes it interesting and worth living. So, personal garbage aside, I want to have fun, I want to laugh, I want to be as nuts as I can because I hurt inside, I hurt really badly and this is the only way to make the transition back to some sense of 'normal' more smooth.


THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS ESPECIALLY WITHIN THE VIDS! (ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE THIS, ANOTHER SILLY AMBITION OF MINE FULFILLED. IS BLOGGING COOL OR WHAT, LOL!)


In that respect, I am going to go where no man has gone before(no, not Atlantis, you myth loving fools... geez...), I am going to try and slay the blockbuster monster of 2007 (this statement makes no sense whatsoever but at 2 pm , just prior to lunch time it is all I got, LOL). To specify, for the few readers that survived my introductory nonsense, I am going to write in my own unique way about the blockbusters of this summer season that I watched . It is going to be hard, it is going to be fun, it is going to be a post to raise some doubts about my sanity (nothing new there) and challenge the limits of human patience and endurance of my readers. A noble goal indeed... So, take your refreshments with you, some poprcorn with extra butter, look at the girl with the cute behind just before you enter in the dark room and enjoy:



Unlike a lot of people I love this scene... because I love the character of Peter Parker. I know that if he ever wanted to play it cool he would still do it in an uber-dorky way. The off beat sense of humour of Sam Raimi at full force. Way to go Sam!

SPIDERMAN 3

Go Spidey go (oh man that sounded so lame...geez...) : Ok, ok I have been a big Spiderman fan since I was 6 years old. I love the guy in a strictly non-sexual kind of way (although his outfit, as with all superheroes, is leaning towards 'uber-gay' in the fashion stakes, lol, sad but true...sigh...). At the other end of the spectrum, I was also one of the devoted fans that wanted to see the character Venom realized on screen. He is really cool visually in the comics and I was eager to see him on the silver screen.

Swinging through rooftops and skyscrapers... : Spiderman, spiderman doing whatever a Spider can (oh my fanboyism knows no limits, I'll need a cold shower after this post, ha,ha,ha,ha). Action, romance, great special effects and an amazing visual depiction of Venom. This movie had it all in spades... Thomas Hayden Church was the pleasant surprise for me since he made an impact in a very underwritten role, so all credit to him for injecting some soul into Sandman. Also on the plus side : the surreal use of humour from Sam Raimi which I totally dig, plus the cameo from "b-movie god" (and all around nice guy) Bruce Campbell which let's face it he is too adorable to resist even if you are made from Antartic ice (Wait a minute, does that still exist or it has gone AOL on us from global warming... hmm... so essentially that would make anyone made of it extinct... bummer...)


Trapped in the spider's web...: I am pretty sure whoever doesnt know much about Spiderman and his extended cast of characters would have a trouble following this movie. So many characters on screen, so little screen time for each... This movie is too 'soap operish' at intervals , I almost expected Mary Jane to tell Peter:
' Peter, the kid is not yours, it is Harry Osborn's, we did the nasty in episode 234 and now the pregnancy test results are out after 500 episodes...". Kirsten Dunst is also a problem... I have a love/hate attitude towards this actress. I either want her to be my girlfriend (Get Over It) or I am just annoyed by her sheer presence (Spiderman 3). I dont feel for her, she just annoys me in this movie, she is like the girl that every guy dreads to have next to him, whining like her life depends on it... The other shitty thing is that Sam Raimi doesnt like the character of Venom and it shows.... You can just picture how this character was included in the movie...

Sony Pictures Executives : Venom HAS to be in this movie Sam!
Sam Raimi(strapped into a torture chair): I won't do it! He is just a psychotic bafoon with overgrown tonsils!!!
Sony Pictures Executives: He has too many fans Sam! You either put him in the movie or that left leg of yours has to go....
Sam Raimi(Nervous): I love Venom! Let's bring this overgrown black slime onto the silver screen... and make him a C-list character that has limited screentime! Oh yes, it is going to rock!

That is the spirit Sam! Bend over to corporate pressure and destroy a cool character in the process.... oh yeah... you rock... NOT! Last but not least, the damn dancing scene in the night club with Peter Parker performing like John Travolta out of Saturday Night Fever on speed. And dont get me started on the news reporting scene... I think I'll use the loo now...

Spared by DP or down with a headshot? : This movie was enjoyable, but not what it could have been. I liked it a lot but it didnt rock my world and I think part of me liking it is because Venom was so cooly digitally created. Still, better luck next time Marvel... ok for the fans,possibly indifferent for the rest(although overall dollar gross of the movie suggests otherwise) :

Verdict: Spidey still dodging my bullets! - 7/10

This is more of a Jack Sparrow funny compilation vid and not a Pirates 3 vid. Selecting this took me more time than the rest of the post altogether! There are so many great Captain Jack vids out there but I opted for one of the classic theme tunes for this. A tribute to all those episodes of BBC's "the Benny Hill show" broadcasted on greek TV back when I was a kid and there were only a couple of channels available. Good, fun, more innocent times indeed...:)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3

A pirate's life for me...: Ok, it is a fact of life that I like Johnny Depp a lot. I've liked him since "21 Jump Street" and I still like him. I am glad he is elevating to superstardom with the Jack Sparrow role , he totally deserves it in my book! Whenever he is on screen the movie has interest and you know you are going to crack the occassional smile or even laugh. What can I do, "us" wackjobs have our own code of honour, eh Jack? He, he, he... This movie is action packed , it doesnt rest for a moment, it has a huge budget and you can tell since every single penny of it is on the screen (too bad it isnt in my pocket though...lol). From a visual standpoint top marks...

Stop shooting at me with your cannons damn Pirates!!!: I got a confession to make this movie really tired me out... Epic battle, after epic battle, pointless characters uttering even more pointless script lines... and the actual movie is too long for what it is... Out of the supporting cast only Geoffrey Rush escapes with some dignity intact, while Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom have as much sexual chemistry together as George W. Bush and Donald Ramsfeld (hmmm... what a disturbing thought...ewwww). When Jack Sparrow is "off screen" the movie stalls and everyone just mumbles mumbo jumbo lines like "Our way of life will end forever. The pirate crew needs to save the hot dog Den to survive or die trying...". Ehhh, yeah, whatever you say matey!!! Oh, what sophisticated malarchy indeed... Ok, it is a blockbuster we got it, special effects do the talking and actors sleepwalk, but not THAT much... Come on!


Walk the board and jump to the sharks you treacherous fool!!!: It was a numbing experience watching this. I enjoyed it for what it was, I felt really tired by the end of it and I totally forgot about it as I exited from the movie theatre...Yep, a way too long and underachieving ride... Just like the Bush administration then...

Verdict: Let's end its misery shall we? - 5/10
(If it had been a full blown Jack Sparrow movie it would have gotten top marks, lol)

I totally loved this scene especially the little dance Bumblebee does:) This whole movie rocked!!!

TRANSFORMERS

Robots transforming to cars and beating eachother up... yep I am in geek heaven alright!: This was such a good movie I cant believe it. Sometimes, if you dont have great expectations before you enter the movie theatre, it seems to be better. I liked the robots, I liked the characters in it, Shia Le Boeuf is amazing in it and surely a talent to watch for years to come it seems. I wasnt aware of this actor till now but from now on I'll follow him closely(Dont worry dear readers, I am not becoming a stalker of sorts... too time consuming you see,lol! I was just referring to his movies, geez...). Great eye candy for the guys with Megan Fox and the other blonde girl in it. I honestly cant remember any other movie in the last 2-3 years that I have enjoyed as much as this one. It is just FUN! It is a really good comedy with robots beating eachother up... I know my definition doesnt make sense but who cares... this is Deadpool's Laughing Den, it is not supposed to make sense so roll with it:)

Do you have a screw loose you dear robot?: I really cant think of anything that seriously messed with my viewing pleasure of this movie. Oh, I can be a nitpicking fool and say that the story that moves proceedings is utter BS and the light political subtext is laughable but still, I cant find any major gripes with it. Well, one thing only, Jon Voight and John Torturo in "Transformers"! I mean there are worst things out there like stuffing the toilet seat full of toilet paper and then water coming out to retaliate (long story of my sinful student past, dont ask...ha,ha,ha,ha) but I am sure that both of these fine actors thought, prior of signing in for the project : " Great pay day, but where have the good times gone...?".

"Transformers kneel before me", says Deadpoolite your nutty master!: Very enjoyable movie! I am sure I may find some more flaws on second viewing but if the first impression is what matters then I can only give the damn thing top marks. Congragulations Michael Bay (Now I'll go rinse my mouth with sulphuric acid since I never expected to say the words "Congragulations" and "Michael Bay" in the same sentence.... oh what is this world coming to when you cant "massacre" a Michael Bay film, after all he is the guy who unleashed "Pearl Harbor " upon us ...eeewww!!!)

Verdict: Perfect Headshot! 10 out of 10




Such a cool scene it is unbelievable, all credit to whoever came up with this stunt, it is amazing! I have to say that there are better 'visual quality' vids of this scene out there but this is the only one that has the really funny 'self chatter' of Bruce Willis which I found very amusing:)

DIE HARD 4

Yippy Yi Kay motherfucker (infamous John Mc Clane warcry of sorts): Okay, okay, if you are a guy that reached "a sexual climax of uber machoness" (what a scientific term... I guess all those bioscience degrees I got have some value after all... oh my folks should be so proud of me, it brings tears of joy to my eyes...ha,ha,ha,ha) watching Die Hard movies, you'll like this one as well. Bruce Willis is visibly aged but who cares, he can still pull the "lone gunman with average joe mentality" persona in his sleep. Justin Long, as the compulsory sidekick of sorts isnt doing a half bad job although appearence wise he still reminds me of some sort of rodent (just cant pinpoint which one,possibly a squirrel, sorry Justin, couldnt help it). I like that he doesnt have conventional Hollywood looks I have to say (then again if I call a guy with a friendly face a 'rodent' imagine what I say about the people I dont like... creepy...). The bad guy is bad enough... the explosions are big, the stunts are insanely cool... yep this is a Die Hard movie alright:)

Damn! I forgot my bulletproof vest! : This is a good action movie but it lacks something. I dont know, maybe Bruce Willis seems a bit bored by the whole affair. The sidekick can get annoying now and then and the bad guy is like a bad photocopy of previous bad guys in action movies nothing alluring about him. Alan Rickman is still by far the best bad guy in this series. And then comes the infamous scene with the damn jet fighter shooting John Mc Clane which is absolutely ridiculous, I was too busy laughing with the absurdity of it all to watch what was going on. Another low point is that I am not currently dating the actress playing Bruce Willis' daughter in the movie but I'll get over it.


Shoot first, ask questions later: Cool fun ride for while it lasts. For once the enemy in a US movie is not from the great beyond or Asia, but from within which is greatly appreciated by the rest of the world trust me on this:) Bruce Willis kicks ass albeit in a more geriatric way (still great fun to watch him though) and the rest of the cast are enjoyable without outstaying their welcome. So, yeah, great action movie then but in this age of Bourne Identity and the new James Bond movie a bit of an acquired taste. Still, a Die Hard movie is a Die Hard movie so I can be as elastic as I want in the marking ha,ha,ha,ha!

Verdict : I never miss a hit unless I am stuffed with Taco bells!

8 out of 10

Οh, there are other blockbusters out there I am sure but these are the ones I recall fondly, plus it is getting close to lunch time in Greece and I am a sucker for prioritizing:)


Some complementary tidbits before I leave you:


- I typed this in like 20-25 mins which must be a new personal best timewise and a new blogging low quality wise, LOL!!! The best (or worst depending on perspective , lol) is yet to come friends.

-I got a couple of Bush jokes in there, so what is new... they are funny and I am mad... it is just a match made in heaven:) I got a couple of American readers maybe more out there and I just want to tell them to "brush up their sense of humour" and leave the deep political subcontext out of my blog entries. My country is on fire so I couldnt care less about worldwide politics at the moment... I just dont want people to be insulted it is not my intention.

- This post felt so insanely liberating after the mayhem of the past days. I witnessed enough human tragedy to last me a lifetime, so I needed to let some steam out in my own insanely humourous(?) way. I can imagine worse ways to to channel one's frustration but I chose to do something fun(to me at least). And that is that really...



Take care of yourselves and talk to ya soon!

Transformers: How awesome can one movie be!

A couple of days ago I watched the Michael Bay directed "Transformers" film on one of the multiplex movie theatres situated in Thessaloniki, Northern Greece. To cut the long story short I liked it, I liked it a lot, actually that doesnt do justice to how much I liked it, I loved it and I was thrilled after watching it! That is right, I was thrilled, how often can you say that about something I wonder. Being a fairly intelligent individual (albeit a ridiculously modest one, LOL) I can sense already the girls among my readers giggling and whispering "typical male behaviour", "men will always be boys" and all of those cliched expressions that women use when they can't comprehend why men like things like football (oh yeah bloody soccer in the US, lol), cars, action movies, videogames, comics or whatever. So let me cut through all those female misconceptions with my trusty Merc wit and let me start describing the guilty pleasure that was viewing "Transformers".

There are a lot of posters around the web but I liked this one better for some reason... you got to love those chinese letters (enough with the english language I say, heh)

I went to watch the movie in the company of two other guys (all of us "alpha male heterosexuals" I assure you, LOL) in the viewing starting at 9.30 pm. We bought our tickets, got a couple of drinks, sommersaulted to the ceiling and groped woman asses just before we enter the appropriate dark room where "Transformers" was screened (actually we didnt do the latter two tasks since it is a little known fact that I am a gentleman and I dont do things like groping asses, not unless I am overdosed on M and M's or other sweeteners like that, lol). As I entered the room , I saw that 90% of the audience was male (no surprises there then, lol) and I had this strange thought that all of a sudden there was this odd bond between all of us, regardless if I didnt know anyone in person. Most of us were in the age group 24-30, most of us in guy groups of 3-4, most of us anticipating this movie with some sort of probably misjudged but yet totally understandable excitement coming from the depths of our childhood. A childhood when Saturday morning meant watching the "Transformers" cartoon on TV, while in the evening a kid would play merrily with the transformers toys at his disposal, constantly transforming the robots to some sort of vehicle and vise versa, plotting fantasy storylines and surreal space sagas in the confines of his room. It was a time when imagination was still the way to have fun before all the "take away" fun that today's kids experience with videogames, without really using their imagination too much. Anyway, back to the movie thing....

Countless hours of fun for kids of my generation with these toys... Something tells me after the movie the madness will kick in again:)

There were a few girls in the audience, probably some unlucky girlfriends dragged along by childish boyfriends or some poor females that had "one too many" and thought that "Transformers" was a rom-com movie... All girls were wearing the tightest outfits known to man and in any other occassion they would have probably been the centre of attention with lusty male stares mentally undressing them. Still, this wasnt the night for sex male fantasies and clumsy flirting attempts... this was the night to watch the robots transforming and make THAT damn sound, in the process ,that was so ridiculously mesmerising back in the day of the cartoon. As time went by and we were getting closer to the beginning of the movie, I could see a strange air of anticipation building in the movie theatre. At that moment all guys in the audience merged into one collective conciousness requiring just one thing, to watch the bloody Transformers movie!




Here is a trailer to wet you appetite! Despite how it seems all serious and gloom there is a lot of humour in there... it is one of those cases where "appearences are indeed deceiving"...


The movie finally started and I felt a shiver down my spine (I know it is fricking ridiculous, after all I had mediocre expectations of the final product although I had heard really good word of mouth from people who actually watched it...). So the movie kicked in and as soon as I saw the first robot transforming I was in geek heaven I have to say... still that wouldn't be the sole reason why I loved this movie. Now comes the good part... if you strip down the movie to its bare essentials it is about transforming robots that fight eachother off while humans cower like ants and shoot their peashooters in vain. Hardly a concept to grab the audience by the balls then and make them have a hell of a time... After all I am not a Transformers fan in the hardcore sense, just a guy who used to like them when he was a kid... So what really worked then...

Ok, ok I am a guy... what did you expect, transformers in thongs... geez... there is no pleasing some people, LOL!

What made the movie really click and what would make the movie work even for girls I think, is that it doesnt take itself too seriously trying to emulate some sort of space odyssey opus or anything remotely like that. This movie is a comedy at heart! Yes you heard it right, it is a comedy and it is intentionally made this way! I am not talking about unintenional laughs and cheesy situations ( I mean the concept as it is cant get anymore cheesy let's face it, lol). Transformers among all the amazing special effects, the ridiculously cooly choreographed fights, Optimus Prime's noble voice and all that other typical fodder is funny, very funny! The reason it is funny, is because the humour comes from the situations rather than be forced just for the sake of it. Especially, the male human lead of the movie is outstanding at portraying a human being trapped inside all this transforming madness. This guy is very natural, very funny, he has some amazing lines and you just root for him. Really, I cant give the actor Shia LaBeouf enough credit for what he achieved in this movie. He managed not to get outshined by the bloody robots, it is an amazing achievement in this sort of popcorn movie. There is some female eye candy in the form of Megan Fox and Rachael Taylor and there is a US trooper (isnt there always...lol) that will probably appeal to ladies as well, lol. As for Michael Bay his direction is amazing, the best he has done by far and I'd like to wackily compliment him for doing what he does best even better: Relentlessly blow things up and create action pieces of immense originality and tension. Lastly, I 'd like to congragulate the writers of this movie for giving both the human and the robotic leads such well fleshed out personalities, even the robots have a sense of humour you see, heh.


Optimus Prime : Did you ever think we were going to get our own live action movie one day?
Megatron : Not in a million years, I guess Hollywood is really out of inspiration... Thanks fuck I am not transforming into a pistol anymore, that was like uber-lame:)
Optimus Prime: Less talk, more ass kicking please...
Megatron: Amen to that, I'll transform you into scrapyard junk in no time...
Optimus Prime: The script says otherwise... ha,ha,ha,ha


I know the guys among my readers dont need much convincing and they will watch it one way or another but I have this last comment for the female readers: DO NOT be intimidated by the subject matter and diss this movie as "standard male fodder". Among all the "silliness" of transforming robotic behemoths fighting it off there is a great comedy in there with normal characters at the core of it. It would be a shame to miss it... Maybe by the end of it all , you won't be as excited as I am because this franchise means nothing to you but I'll be damned if you dont smile and even laugh a lot during the overall playtime of this blockbuster. Seriously, if you dont see the funny side of it, I will have to work overtime on your humour glands with my future blog entries and try to reactivate them... I find it THAT unlikely not to laugh in this movie!

Oh guys, one last thing, the transforming effect totally owns, it is really something beyond cool how they visualized it on the silverscreen (plus THAT sound is still there, oh yeah!).

So, that is that then, I had a great time watching this movie and I hope the ones among you that haven't watched it already, give it a shot!

Till next time.... DP out!

Dr....Who?

I told you it was inevitable. I just won’t write about things in a normal way or just describe things simply. This isn’t what this blog is for, it is more of a mean to go over the top and have a cheeky look at things. But enough of my delusions of grandeur, there are bigger things than me and you at stake (not really but I always wanted to say that….for the time being writing it will have to do…lol). Today, as I was lazily seating on my ass in the living room, TV switched on and running, I heard a familiar theme tune coming from it. It was a theme, I hadn’t heard in a while and it brought back memories. Memories from the time I was a kid in Karpenisi, Greece around 5-6 years old and the couple of public TV stations available back then were broadcasting an abundance of BBC made programs to fill in their then pristine schedules. One of those TV series was “Dr Who”.

These are the 10 incarnations of the character, throughtout the years. Thanks fuck his haircut improved since the old shows. Man check out those mullets, I bet they were self aware as well... creepy!

Although not really a kid friendly program, I had watched certain episodes back then (blame it on my parents being too busy or my kid curiosity thriving I managed to watch uninterrupted). I don’t remember much about it, just that Dr Who was a totally nuts dude, dressed in a cowboy hat, a trenchcoat and a green scarf (hardly a superhero outfit then, lol) played with gusto and flare by a guy with curly hair (later in my life I learnt that the actor’s name was Tom Baker, more useless knowledge plaguing my ever diminishing brain capacity then, lol). For the uninitiated among you, Dr Who was a time travelling dude that was shifting chronological eras and possibly planets using his ever trusty time travelling phone booth to reach new places (I told you it is nuts but hey it is a BBC program after all it doesn’t have to make sense just look at the abundance of gardening and antique shows on it, at least last time I checked, lol).

Parking space availability is not an issue for this baby...heh

Regardless if the so called “Dr” was more of in need of a doctor himself (blame it on his insanity or genius I always have trouble distinguishing between the two, lol) he had a certain wild charm that I appreciated (no one said that I have good taste so bare with me…). From what I can recall this guy had some eternal enemies that looked like huge tin robots with massive globes sticking out of them and kept shouting “exterminate, exterminate, exterminate” (I guess the script writers didn’t have a thesaurus at hand for variety’s sake so they stuck with that throughout…). The temporary effect of watching this wacky show on TV was a couple of restless nights for kidpoolite (heh), where I dreamt of those tin robots chasing me in my house as I was attempting to take a leak (so for all the parents out there DO WATCH OUT what your kids watch on TV, this was a selfless advice by Deadpoolite, for additional help call the Merc with a mouth hotline: 0101-0101-1979, individual charges apply depending on your pockets depth, lol).

Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate... it may look like a glorified old fashioned trash bin with delusions of grandeur but boy did it scare me as a child...

Forward to the present day then, when I heard the familiar tune (albeit remixed) playing once again on the TV set. This was “Dr Who” remastered for the next generation with a youthful little chap playing the central part. It was all played tongue in cheek as before with a distinct retro quality to the whole affair. In one intense moment, the “Dr Who of 2007” started screaming and gave one of his trademark wacky stares to the unfortunate victim of his verbal abuse. At that particular moment I grinned with content (now being a guy in the second half of his twenties instead of a kid) and recognized the same nutjob character that had made an impression on me as a boy. It seems they pulled it off once again and the current production is much better than the old one overall, albeit they got the means to make this whole sci-fi gig work better. However, it isn’t predominantly a matter of technological superiority over the old show that made me once again be sold on this show. It is more a case of the makers of this one retaining the soul of the series intact and respectfully updating it for the current generation of viewers. Their soul is in the right place it seems and I like that in those soulless times we live in…

Let's give the good doctor some credit shall we...he sure doesnt pick his sidekicks from the bargain basement... as Johnny Bravo would say..."Whoa, you sexy mommas!"...

I like my “Lost”, “Prison Break”, “Heroes” fixes as much as the next guy. Regardless, I only got all “puppy eyed” when I heard the eponymous “Dr Who theme” once again. It is a matter of acquired taste this show, some will deem it “too retro”, some will say “it’s crap”, some will just not get it… it is all good. After all this is an intelligent sci-fi show that doesn’t try to “out-Gollum , Gollum” with its special effects. Instead, this show is wearing its proverbial heart on its sleeve and doesn’t take itself too seriously… For the people that “do get the joke” it seems to be just what “the doctor” ordered (excuse the pun couldn’t resist it, lol). So, I am now looking forward to watch the rest of the episodes of this series’ rebirth… or maybe not… it is the thought that counts after all…

"He looks absolutely daft in this picture but I forgive him, he does a wonderful job portraying Dr Who , go Tennant!"

p.s. I like the “Orbital remix” of the “Dr Who theme” best. For some reason I wanted to say that…go figure…..lol!

THE HOST, a must see movie!

I originally meant to have one more blog entry about movies before temporarily venturing to other topics. This isnt that entry though. This is kind of a blog entry elicited by pure impulse on the spectacle I watched last night under the name of "The Host".

To get formalities out of the way, "The Host" is a Korean movie with English subtitles (for the ones among us that missed Korean language 101 in the classroom). To categorize it in a genre such as a horror movie, a sci-fi movie and so on would be doing it great disservice. If some of you are still bitching about genres and technicalities like that I would categorize this movie in the custom made genre of multipurpose/multilayered monster movie. Yep this is a brand new category created by me with, guess what, only one movie in it "The Host".

The premise of this movie is as unoriginal as they come. Toxic wastes into the river, great monster born, monster likes humans ala creme(they are never vegetarian are they,lol), humans fight back. So you may think, it is all pretty much b-movie fodder why the fuss? My answer would be it is all in the execution. This movie succeeds in so many levels in my book it is truely remarkable, lets check why that is, shall we?

For the CG whores among you who think that any CG creation worse than Gollum is not satisfactory stop reading now. The monster is decent CG wise and the closest relative I can think of quality wise is the monster in Hellboy. It is at that level of design. It has a pretty unique design and a definitely unique type of movement especially when on high grounds. The monster though is only the excuse to watch the movie not the main reason to enjoy it.

The basic premise is that among the victims (diseased/missing) of the monster's attack is a little girl. The girl's closest relatives a band of 4 people (3 male, 1 female) start looking for her. They are by no means superhumans or amazingly trained, they are just driven by a sense of loss especially when the one missing is the youngest of the family clan. The depiction of those characters, their reactions to this unusual situation and the ways that they go about to rescue the girl is what makes this movie standout. At the same time there are parallel views of how the little girl survives in the "lair" of the monster while the search and rescue mission is looking for her. This movie has funny moments, has decent action, has political subtext (US is the "bad guy", in a way), has really good acting ( I was particularly impressed by the little girl) and amazing direction. The greatest compliment I can give this movie is that it took a genre that is purely for laughs sake(big monster in a city) and made a proper full scale movie out of it. Personally, I had such a change of emotions during the movie I couldnt believe it. It was nothing but the shallow experience I was expecting and trust me it isnt the easiest thing to get surprised (albeit pleasantly) by movies this past decade.

This is a 10/10 movie in my book and I urge you all to watch it. I am sure different people will have different reactions to it but I think that it would all come down to the commom denominator that this is an enjoyable movie.

p.s. I ll be back with one more "merc with a mouthish" post about movies next time and then we are moving on to other things. See you around!

Enough with the blockbusters show us some low budget gems damn it!!!

Ok ok, we've all watched the major blockbusters in the movie theatres, checked out some cool movies in the DVD store and we think we are complete as far as movie viewing is concerned.Well not in my world! There is this little subcategory of movie culture that is called the "little movies few have heard of and even fewer have watched" (wow what a mouthful,lol!) .These are the little movies that are out there in the market in one form or another, the movies that are only the talk topic of some dedicated fans or some major geeks that are in the know. These little gems scream lower/lowest budget in your face and wear their distinctive cheesiness or lack of high production values(as in lack of money!!!) like a badge of honour. They are worth your attention since either you ll be pleasantly surprised with what they actually have to offer or you ll just laugh out loud at the absurdity of it all. Below follows a brief list of such movies and what I think of them :

BUBBA HO TEP : Let's get this out of the way first, Bruce Campbell is the ultimate b-movie actor and an all around nice guy! Ok on to the movie then. Concept: An ageing Elvis and a black dude that thinks he is JFK battle a mummy with cowboy boots in a nursing house. Assesment: For the ones among you that havent stopped reading, here is the juice of the matter. This is a genuinely good movie in my book. Ok it has an absurd concept so what? (It is not like hobbits are walking among us or anything in real life is it now...). The fact of the matter is that this movie is funny, it makes you feel things(for example when Elvis considers what would have happened if he had done things differently in his family life) and lets face it people, in what other movie will you see two old geezers fighting a mummy in cowboy gear (reason enough to see it,lol)

DRIVE: Another unsung hero, of action movies this time, is Mark Dacascos. When you see mediocrities like Van Damme and Seagal (although I do have a soft spot for Seagal's wooden acting and his absurd mid-fight speeches, comedy wise of course) do decent box office gross, you really think anyone can make it in the movie business. In my book Marc Dacascos totally outshines most of those so called action whores by a mile in both the fighting and the acting chops.Still, I guess the name Dacascos has too many syllables for the casting agents in Holywood so he is not really a star player. Concept:A guy has a heart implant accelerator in his heart (total sci fi BS then, lol) that makes him a very special fighter so to speak, unfortunately some people want to take it out of him Assesment : One of the best action movies I ve seen period.The action is so well choreographed it is really something else. The movie has a lot of comedy moments as well courtesy of a black dude (unfortunately I dont remember his name) and one of the first appearences of Britanny Murphy (yep the Sin City Britanny Murphy). I know you are now used to the sexed up version of Britanny Murphy but she is so cute in this movie it is unbelievable, she is a sight to behold in what is a standout performance for me.


LIVING IN OBLIVION : Starring one of the most underrated and sublime actors of his generation Steve Buscemi. I have to say this is probably one of my favourite comedies ever because it is so intelligently written, directed and acted that you just dont want it to end(I know I didnt,lol). Concept: A movie crew with only basic funding tries to make a decent movie but everything goes horribly wrong Assesment: This movie is really a lesson for future filmakers of "how not to make movies". One disaster follows the other and frustration progressively accumulates on the face of the director played expertly by Steve Buscemi. Little moment: I just love the scene with the dwarf and the smoke, I laughed so hard with that scene it was a miracle I didnt burst from laughter(it is all in the words and the delivery of the actors). A warning though, this is a really hard movie to find especially in PAL regions.

PIECES OF APRIL: You know all those cheesy american movies with the ideal family, where everyone has a great car, they shag the best chicks without effort and they got lots of money without working at all. Good.Now forget about them. If possible delete them from the hard disk of your mind(spooky this sounds like something Bill Gates would say,oh the horror,lol). This movie is an intelligent drama disguised as a comedy. Confused? No need to be, let me elaborate... Concept: April (played surprisingly well by the then single Katie Holmes) is a punk like little princess living with her black boyfriend in a little appartment in the big city. Her rather estranged family(excluding the dad) is coming to her place for Thanksgiving and April has to cook the turkey for the dinner. It is all good except from one thing, she has never cooked before! Assesment: The movie starts as a cute little comedy with April trying to cook the turkey.As everything goes from bad to worse you cant help but feel sympathetic and touched by her eagerness to please her loved ones (especially her mom) and gain their acceptance. This movie has also a lot of fun moments with April going around the block of flats she lives in, trying to cook the turkey and getting to know an interesting mix of characters in the process. This movie made me feel strongly for the main character and I really wanted everything to end well, not a bad achievement in this cynic world we live in huh...

Whoa! I actually remembered four little gems of a movie that stayed with me long after watching them, I wouldnt call this a genius moment but I guess there are a good few IQ points left in that skull of mine. Since I am sure there are more movies like those lurking around in my subconcious, lets dont put an abrupt end to this blog entry.Lets just say "talk to ya later" and call it a day... Now where is that DVD copy of Best of Pam Ander..... eehhmm I mean Citizen Kane I rented the other day,lol.

Take care people!