Deadpool's Laughing Den

I am sure you have all noticed it... It permeates the once thick blogless atmosphere of times past... Oh, bloggers where art thou? Blogs are closing down with alarming (or high pleasing, I am sure you have you seen the crap that was out there at the peak of the 'sport') rate. I check my links at the right hand column and they ooze defunct from their godforsaken URLs. The number of comments in even the most prominent blogs has tanked beyond any foreseeable redemption and the monster of... Twitter has raised its igly head until the next trend comes out. It is 'lazyman's blogging' for the uninitiated and all the better for it if you ask me. I mean there were so many blogs out there at one time and so many of them were so utterly crap, made from people that can't tell their 'B's from their 'C's. Yet, they made a blog because 'everyone was doing it'. And when the damn thing reached saturation point, when even cats and dogs were blogging their nonsense out, it was evident that the decline was not far away.

Is blogging really 'dead' or it is all a big cartoon conspiracy? LOL!!!

Still... a handful of us keep blogging, maybe not as regularly as we used to but our blogs remain alive for some uncanny reason. Virtual relics of dying ways of internet interpersonal interaction or persisting pioneering doofooses? Either way it is evident that the flare for the 'sport' has gone. Personally, blogging served a purpose of sorts in a time where my life was in between choices and non-choices. A way out of thinking about the 'serious stuff' all the time.And laughing hard at the face of every day's continuously looping habits I did. Now, I stand quite indifferent at the sport with not much personal investment in the sense that I don't really put much time in creating the blog entries or to visit other people's blogs. Yet, I keep feeling a strange sense of 'obligation' to keep my two blogs going, more because they are a part of me and remind me of what was and how life has changed for me since their inception and during the course of their life.

So apparently, old school bloggers are sort of 'undead' with a killer on-line twist... Oh, yes, you can't put a mouthy fool like myself down that easy, you Twitting beast!!! LOL!!!

Which brings me to the main question of this blog entry... Why does each one of you keep blogging? Does this habbit serve the same purpose as it once used to for you? What was the original motivation for kickstarting your blogaddiction and where do you stand with blogging at the moment? Come on fellow blogging madmen and madwomen of the bloggosphere, share your insightful lunacy with the rest of us!

And with those wise words, I end this non-post and await your replies with great interest and curiousity.

Take care all!

P.S. : TOP RIGHT, relative poll, vote!!! Nuff said, LOL!!! Yeah, I know I am subtle like that, ha,ha,ha!!!

Words Fired By Deadpoolite at Monday, June 29, 2009 | 3 Attempts at outwitting DP!    

Labels: A Merc and his readers

I may have the blog, I may be called Deadpoolite and be the zanier comic book inspired blogger, however there is a reason I don't use Deadpool's name as a nickname... somebody got it before me, f*@ing bastard!!! Now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, let's diss out some verbal punishment towards the way of the Wolverine live action movie starring his uber coolness Mr. Hugh Jackman. Don't get me wrong, I like Hugh's depiction of Wolvie as much as the next guy but being a DP fan I wanted predominantly to see how his silver screen debut came along. And "see" I did... But why bother you with my own sorry drivel when his mock-ajesty Mr Deadpool himself is once again among us. Without further ado let's begin this interview that will rock the world of the minions of my invisible yet loyal readers...Major spoilers coming your way, but trust me I am doing you a favour:

Deadpoolite(DL): Hello, my 2-Dimensional Merc with a mouth, how ya doing?
Deadpool(DP): Shut up and shut up!!!
DL: Always the charmer I see... So, I reckon that you have watched the Wolverine movie then, right?
DP: Yeah, I watched up until Ryan Reynolds shut his pup for good...
DL: But that was like 15 mins into the movie!!!
DP: Best 15 mins of my life!
DL: So, how faithful were they to the character of DP almighty then?
DP: If you take aside the fact that I am profficient both in guns and swords which they didn't show, that I have a healing factor which was AOL until my (DP puking in his mouth...) "transformation", I have a full body Spiderman rip-off costume that was nowhere to be seen and that I never shut up, while in the movie I was speechless for most of it, I think they "nailed" it real good...
DL: So would you call it a faithful transfer of your awesomeness from page to celluloid?
DP: What the hell is "celluloid"?
DL: Nothing contagious I assure you...
DP: Don't mess with me boy or I swear to the divine flavour of M and Ms and taco bells that I will have your head!!!
DL: If that is going to bring me any more readers I am ready to pay the price!

What is...

DP: Hey, I am a hitman not a miracle worker... I mean seriously you got a DP themed blog, I am like marginally B-list behind spoiled A-listers: Weblooney Spidey, Green beans Hulkie and Iron "Magnetism intolerant" Man. Heck, even Blade got like 3 movies of his own... How do you expect to get any readership with my ugly mug all over the place?
DL: It is a risk I am willing to take...
DP: Hey, it is your google-analytics funeral dude, leave me out of your wet fantasy of dominating the bloggosphere and all your readers being gorgeous babes worshipping you...
DL: YOU CAN READ INTO MY MIND???
DP:No...
DL: Damn, busted... Anyhow, back to the movie, what did you think of yourself in it?
DP: Well, mistake number 1 they shut me up... I mean OK I had all these cool powers and Wolverine was like toast but a guy on a PC was controlling me typing on MSN messenger I mean that is low...
DL: So, you lost the battle because of MSN lag then?
DP: Damn Microsoft servers, if only I could change my head into a smiley of some sort they would have never decapitated me, I mean it is a common known fact that everyone likes smileys...

What was for 15 minutes or so...

Voice heard from a distance... "All except two..."

DL (Shouting): Noted dudes!
DP: Who was that?
DL: Just the voices in my head nothing to worry about...
DP:Ooookkkaaayy....
DL: So how about the rest of the movie, was there any redeeming quality at all in it?
DP: Blob was fat, Gambit was ridiculous, that pretty much sums it up...
DL: That's it?
DP:Yeah, I suppose it does. I was too busy eating Doritos with cheese to notice. Hugh Jackman was okay, I genuinely believe that he thought this movie was a good idea...
DL: You said "genuine", man your vocabulary is getting better you must be getting soft...
DP: Just a minor side effect of digesting your verbal crap...
DL: What about the rest of the cast?
DP: The Sabretooth dude was having fun but I am not sure he knew why, the rest of the cast died too soon or were sleepwalking throughout the movie which is always good when you want to hit the toilet during a movie...
DL: Did you go many times to the toilet during Wolverine?
DP: Man, I never left the toilet...

And what we ended up with...

DL: Ok then, on the issue of the scriptwriters shutting you up 15 mins into the movie what did you think?
DP:Off with their heads I say!!! That was sacriligiously blasphemous, I mean I had so much wackiness to share and then they went, temporarily killed me off (off-screen as well) and then reanimate me with my mouth shut... A fate worst than death... I really hoped my healing factor would fail me at that point but the Hollywood gods were not merciful with me... Damn bastards!!!
DL: Last couple of questions DP, ready for them?
DP: Sure, who cares your blog can't sink any lower readership wise ,so why not give it it's final death blow... I aim to please you see...
DL: Do you want Ryan Reynolds to play you in an upcoming full blown ultra hyper Deadpool spin off movie?
DP(in teenage girl voice): Ryyyaaannnn, oh I love him so much!!! Go Ryan, here take my underwear!!!
DL(holding my nose): Pffff, man you need to wash more...
DP: Personal hygiene is highgly overrated... Either you agree or I instantly decapitate you!
DL(making victory sign with both hands): You are da man DP!!!
DP: Don't you just love democracy...

It better be...

DL: And now for the final question...
DP: ...
DL: What will happen if the scriptwriters shut you up again in your own movie this time...?
DP: I think that learning to write using their feet is a fantastic skill that they should definitely try since it will become a necessity... Besides, I will be above their heads at all times giving them my *ahem* "creative input". You know use their asses for target practice with my Piranha darts, constantly make jokes about their penises, the works... Ah, that will get them going I am sure. Nothing like a good old motivation strategy DP style I assure you...
DL: That is that then thank you for joining this ridiculous fictional interview that never happened...
DP: Hey man, it is your brain and your insanity, I am just glad I was in for the ride. Now shut up and shut up!!!


Beating some sense into the "movie abomination DP(?)" was a dirty job but someone had to do it:).

And just like that DP vanished into my wacky subconcious leaving a trail of rotten taco bell smell behind him...

Hope you cracked a smile or two, take care all!

Words Fired By Deadpoolite at Saturday, May 23, 2009 | 12 Attempts at outwitting DP!    

Labels: Tearing pop culture apart...

Sales to die for...

As you all probably know I am an avid videogamer: 1) When the mood strikes me, 2) When I got the time, 3) Can't remember what I wanted to write in spot 3 but you are still reading this, so you probably have way too much free time in your hands anyway. In all my time spent inside videogaming worlds of various quality and sense ("sense?" What was that all about? A momentary involentarily lapse into logic it seems... hmmm worrying isn't it...)there is one unanimous concept that makes a smile light my nearly perfect face ('nearly' just because I am modest you see): "Killing zombies is good!". I mean what is not to like: "They are dumb, they attack me so it is definitely self defense and they are already dead! Thus, finishing them off is practically an act of mercy since I essentially return them back 'home' being the gaming humanitarian that I am" . If you have ever heard a more wacky rationalization of videogaming on-screen violence I will eat M and Ms until I burst or take their colour (which would make my life highly unpleasant or full of potential and opportunity respectively, LOL! I am a man of ambition after all... LOL!). Now, before you lose what little sense you got left in you dear readers, I will move in for the kil.... I mean I will proceed to the (preferrably undead) meat of this post.

Ah, my adoring blogging fans... Can't wait to read the rest of the post... Who would have thought they would reach such extremes to 'eat' my words of wacky wisdom:).

A fine specimen of the deranged gallery of human psychos that had holed up in the Mall during the zombie outbreak... Ah, the shopping mall, such a warm and welcoming place...:).

So, now that I have established that the game is an orgy of twisted fun let's see where it all went downhill. And when I say downhill, I mean lower than an undead's dress sense and self esteem and that is officially as LOW as it gets!!! The game's main story is structured as case files much like the episodes of a TV series where certain events need to be completed by a certain time limit. If time permits, there are lots of side missions to keep busy (all of them suitably bloody I assure ya, so this is no game for the vegetarians among you). The problem is that the time frame is too strict and if you fail to finish one scenario by the required time the game ends... And let me tell you all the horror I had unleashed as a progressively deranged Frank West in the Mall hadn't prepared me for the horror I was about to face near the end of the game. After making my way through the hordes of the undead via impeccable stylish morally ambiguous ways, and near the completion of the game, I beat the final bad guy and I was on my way to watch the finale... Only, it didn't happen... I had passed the time limit by a fuck.... up minute so the game ended abruptly!!! Let me tell you how that feels after a total sum of 12-15 hours of gaming... IT SUCKS!!! My gamepad fell on the floor, followed by my jaw and the rest of me followed soon after... If I ever structurally resembled one of the undead this was the time... After being pieced together by my half bepuzzled, half bemused girlfriend I realised that I had to replay the WHOLE GAME to reach the finale... And all of this because dear frigging CAPCOM(as in the company who made the game...) had placed only one save slot in the game, so if that was fucked... you were fucked... which makes for a neat little fucked up package come to think of it....

The "betrayal" of the game's save system was too much to bare. So I kinda lost my head...:). That was just a flesh wound in my videogaming psyche though, soon I would be back, head attached and all, h(a)ngry for more:).

Having avoided the stroke from the realization that I wasted 12-15 hours of my life playing a game with the most ridiculous save system ever, I restarted the game and marched through the undead(literally THROUGH the undead I assure you...LOL!) with a fury that the popculture universe hasn't seen since the rage of avid Star Wars fans towards Jar Jar Binks back in the days of the "Phantom Menace" (and I heard that was pretty bad... or so the geek legend says, hahaha). After around 10 hours I finished the game getting one of the crappiest finales available but that didn't matter... I had prevailed VS the twisted corporal stupidity of a videogame developer that made a really good videogame with ONE KILLER FLAW... A save system so badly designed, a zombie would have made a better job creating it for sure... As I put my gamepad on the floor, I grinned with glee. The Deadpoolite VS Capcom contest had ended with DP the winner, it was no contest really:). With those final thoughts I passed out, equally affected by the realization of my stupidity in persisting with this game and pure kinky exhaustion... It wouldn't be the first time and it definitely won't be the last...


And here comes the sequel... better fix that save system Capcom...or else:).

Hope you cracked a smile or two with this twisted tale of videogaming madness:).

Till next time, take care all!

Words Fired By Deadpoolite at Monday, May 11, 2009 | 7 Attempts at outwitting DP!    

Labels: Throwing the gamepad on the TV screen

The anger of my presumably abandoned readers knows no bounds... Ouch!!!

You wouldn't exactly call me a prolific blogger these days. In fact I would go as far as to say that: "I don't blog anymore...". But then again, who am I kidding, that wouldn't be true and I am too stubborn to let this glorious blog of mine die. So, regardless if this is a blog seemingly hooked on "blogsupport" until it's wacky owner gives it some TLC, it is still damn active. Now, wipe out the single tear coming down your cheek from the excitement that you won't be losing DP anytime soon, get a grip of yourselves! After all, this blog entry has to look like a proper post ,so we might as well act like it. It is a little arrangement I call "blogspiracy".

This madeup word is trademark of DP limited, whoever uses it from now on has to face the wrath of some moneysucking lawyers working for his majesty's the DP the wacky (oh crap, just remembered, I can't afford a single lawyer, ok I'll do the talking in the upcoming trial then... a sure way for the other side to win of course, LOL!).

(ALWAYS READ THE SMALLPRINT). All I would have to do would be to appear in the trial wearing ONLY this and the victory in the courtroom would be mine muhahaha!!! Oh who am I kidding, I would be doomed from day one, so I won't sue after all for the "blogspiracy" copyright. Back to the drawing board to make some quick cash then...:).

The title of my post refers to my new laptop the mighty HP Pavillion 5 - 1299dev ev plus. Now why is it 'mighty' you may ask, to which I would kindly reply : "Because it is MY laptop dammit!!! Ah, the nerve of some people:)". Now I won't tire you with technical jargon about it but it looks pretty cool I have to say. The defining feature of it aesthetically is that it is bronze in colour, thus partially the infamous title of my post. By chance or fate, on the same day, my girlfriend came with me to buy a new mobile phone since her old one has drawn its terminal breath (it has been doing so for months now so spare a used lithium battery for the old bugger will ya...?). Since my gal is all about taking beautiful quality pictures (as in pictures that I am not in then, LOL!!! Just joking people heh! ) she opted to leave her beloved -entering sarcasm- NOKIA and go with Sony Ericsson. And her "weapon of choice" was Sony Ericsson C905. And so we went to the shop to make our virtual dreams come true and feast upon the purchase of new gadgets. I dare you to find me one person in the bloggosphere that could make what is essentially 'buying stuff" sound so cool and out there. Any candidate then? Nah, didn't think so...:).Off to the actual trip to the gadget shop then...

Hello, handsome... Oh the fun we are going to have together:). Not THAT fun you amateur perverts!!! Hey, it is NEW and BRONZE,what's not to like:).

As we entered the high tech realm of credit card genocide one thing was for sure, we wouldn't leave the place empty handed. As the master tacticians of consumerism that we are, we approached our individual preys with caution. Yes, our finances would die in this place of high pricing but they wouldn't go down without a fight. As my girlfriend was surrounding the woman responsible for selling mobile phones I focused my attentions on the laptop of choice. This laptop was part of a larger deal including ΗP Officejet all-in-one, a laptop case and the ink cartridges for the aforementioned behemoth. A pretty sweet deal if I say so myself. However, the 'eyes of the hunter' noticed that the model number on the package was different from the model number on the stand and thus the dialogue with the shop assistant began:

Deadpoolite (DP): Hey, this is a different laptop than the one on the stand I was interested in!

Shop Assistant (SP): There are only minor differences (which was true but who cares I had to make him work for it, LOL!!!)

DP: But I was told that it is the same laptop (featuring my almighty "whiny call of doom" in the vocal department).

SP: This is a better overall deal.Besides you can't expect both of them to have exactly the same price, it doesn't make sense!

DP: Hey, it is YOUR pricing policy it ain't my problem (deadpan delivery I assure you).

SP: But this deal is well worth your money and the difference is minimal between the two laptops.

DP: I will be the judge of that...

SP: Do you have a problem with us then?

DP: Nope, no problem at all just making conversation...(and toying with ya but you'll never know, LOL!)

SP: ...

After all the 'foreplay' it was time to go and pay for the thing since I had enough of his pony tail crapiness. I mean what guy dons a pony tail these days ? Only washed up male rockers and porn stars... He was neither, so what was his excuse:). At least I tortured him a bit which made the outflow of cash feel a bit more tender...

Respect the tail...or NOT:). The only man that can(?) get away with a pony tail it seems. Which actually, come to think of it, proves the point that a male pony tail is simply WRONG!!! Don't do it people, stay away from the tail, go the barber's or something:).

At the meantime my girlfriend had other life changing decisions to make... The ultimate dilemma was: Black or Bronze ( ah those "earthshattering life decisions" are so cool ain't they, LOL!) since the silver /white combo she had originally picked was not available in store. "Babe..." she told me, "I will go for the Bronze one.It seems there is no escape from this colour today..." she concluded merilly. After she had paid her dues at the cashier's and took a bow of eternal commitment and devotion to her new mobile phone, we both took our Bronzastic gadgets and headed for the car. "Hey, it could be worse" I thought, "they could have everything available only in pink which is a crime punishable by death for every self-respected gadget".Mind you, I am sure my gal begs to differ on that one:).

The bronzastic phone my gal got. Looks pretty slick in all its B-R-O-N-Z-E glory (oh shut up DP will ya!!!).

Till next time, take care all!

Words Fired By Deadpoolite at Thursday, April 09, 2009 | 6 Attempts at outwitting DP!    

Labels: DP flavoured bites of every day life...

Since I wasn't about to put my mom in detention like a modern day Quasimodo, I opted to give her 'the crappy big room' instead of 'the crappy little room' (you see a pattern in there somewhere don't ya now? LOL). As for the merry couple it would have to do with the doll house sized room for the night and hope that claustrophobia is not something you catch overnight. As DP and redheaded godess fell asleep on the narrowest of beds that night, I couldn't shake the notion that if we woke up in one piece, come next morning , a duet act in mind boggling circus acrobatics would not be too unrealistic a choice as a future joined career goal. And so the next morning came... Oh and what a glorious morning it was, with the merry couple waking up in some uncharacteristic angle at eachother that I wasn't even sure it was anatomically possible before that night. Ah, 'DP the human Play-doh'... Yep, I am sure you can see the business potential in there somewhere, the cool brand name, the licensed crappy action figures, the works. Personally, I was too busy telling my body parts from my gal's, trying to get up without causing any major irreversible injuries at eachother... Confident that a night inside an iron maiden would be preferable to another night on THAT bed, we dragged our carcasses down to the hotel reception.

A room where moving around and remaining in one piece was an artform by itself...:). Geez, who built this place? Some clan of evil dwarfs with illusions of grandeur maybe...

However, prior to requesting some mercy...ahem... I mean some other room from the receptionist the couple needed brain fuel (also called 'breakfast' in more sane blogs, the nerve of some people...HAH!!!). And thus the pair of hungry savages sat down in the breakfasting area hoping for some much needed nourishment, only to be met with a cup of coffee and a cup of coffee and ....wait a minute THAT WAS IT!!! They told us it was Sunday and there was some 'lack of (incoming BS) personnel', followed by more BS that was too incomprehensible for the couple's hungry minds( and not 'hungry for knowledge' let me tell ya... LOL). I swear my train of thought was in the lines of " DP slept bad, DP ate nothing, DP demolish!!!" like some kind of wacked out Hulk red clone. However, since 'demolishing' and 'unleashing the wacky monster to the masses' burns calories and I had none to spare I swallowed what was left of my pride and crawled to the reception area with a single thought in mind: "Must eat receptionist!!!". Eh, sorry that was the Uncut version of this post, I meant: "Must change room!!!". Yeah, that's more gentlemanish I suppose... And so we practically landed on the reception area staring desperately at the grinning receptionist. I swear if they had a paper stand instead of a human, noone would have noticed the difference in the sucker's face. He had that mechanical cyborgy look that most receptionists have and for a moment there I thought I was in some sort of cheap Terminator rip off. In fact, I am sure if he WAS The Terminator there would be only one directive in his programming: "Must terminate client's VISA! Must terminate client's VISA".

How much was I paying for those rooms again? Run VISA, run and save yourself from the horrible, horrible fate of infinite overdraft:).

After some uneventful banter between dozed off couple and receptionist and with surprisingly minimal fuss , DP issued the main request of the day: " That little room you gave us is suitable only for LEGO sized people. Could we actually switch to a room made for real sized people were turning in the room doesn't require a perfect 10 in gymnastics?". After processing the information for a whole second (a new personal best I am sure), the receptionist replied with a dry : "But of course, here is the key!". To be honest after the uncomfortable first night I had a bit of a surreal feel about the whole place and my gal was not feeling much different. I took the key with equal measures of content and shall I say fear... I mean who knew what dangers actually lurked in the 'dungeons' of the new room. As we went up on the second floor and I was about to turn the key, my girlfriend grabbed my already shaky hand. "Let's do this together!" , she said and we turned the key expecting the worst. The door opened slowly in one of those neverending moments in life, when you need to reach some sense of closure but the process takes just too damn long and time seems to freeze.

Did I really want to open that door? Ah who am I kidding "no guts no glory"! Enough with the damn wacky warcries let's open the blasted door and succumb to the 'awesomeness' of absolute bad taste... or better let's NOT:).

As the door was finally wide open, we were bathed in the while light of a hotel room that didn't suck beyond belief! Now that was unexpected to say the least. After picking up our proverbial jaws from the floor, we thoroughly examined the premises for traces of alien DNA. Surely, this decent room that graced our peripheral eye sight could not have been man-made and did not belong in this sorry excuse of a hotel... Either that or the current time warping antics of the LOST series had finally caught up with us and we had been transferred to a time and place when the hotel in question was actually a half-DECENT hotel. The room was well lit, expertly decorated with a lot of refined wooden old style furniture that gave it a distinct, consistent and dare I say cool look!!! Being a sucker for the 'good son routine' I arranged for my mother to get the proper 'non-biohazardous room' and leave the merry couple to occupy the 'post-apocalyptic Mad Max' themed room. That night, as Merc and redheaded godess lied down on a PROPER bed made for humans, prior to falling asleep I couldn't help but wonder that I was either living a day in the twilight zone or had been terribly miscast in a David Lynch movie and noone had bothered to tell me about it...

The David Lynch hotel such a welcoming and "ordinary" place:).

Till next time, take care all!

Words Fired By Deadpoolite at Sunday, February 08, 2009 | 11 Attempts at outwitting DP!    

Labels: Always outnumbered never outgunned