An imaginary dialogue with my penis...

As people lose weight they become reacquainted with their body. Now this may sound like utterly pointless to people that have to lose a couple of Kgs just so, THAT elusive pair of jeans finally fits. However, for the couch potatoes among us, meeting up with old body parts can be a quite... revelating, albeit nutty, experience. Since I cheerfully position myself among the latter lot , let me elaborate on this "stimulating" experience (pun intended of course) I had. Several months ago, while taking a shower I saw an old friend returning back from the ("not the dead" you sardonically moronic readers of mine) cursed land of excess body fat. Yes, it was his majesty himself "Mr Dickalicious" stirring back to the sunlight, after spending several years in a shadowy self imposed exile, underneath an ever expanding waist line. The following "dialogue" ensued between "master" and "servant" (although lets face it, the "lower brain" of men tends to take over more often than not, as you already know, my fellow loveable sex addicted male/female readers):

Mr Deadpoolite (a.k.a DP) :  Oh there you are, you amazing piece of human anatomy! Hail to the king baby!"

Mr Dickalicious(a.k.a Dicky):  Don't sweet - talk me into erection mister, I've been into hibernation for way too long only to rise from the fat like a sexy Phoenix and do your horny bidding, now and then.

DP: I thought you liked that sort of stuff , you know, the good old "in and out", "search and deploy", "showering the egg babes with TLC and good intent" and all that.

Dicky:  I refuse to be your manwhore anymore you shaggy beast of a man. This time I am a Dicky with a plan! Start listening, if you want me to stay and not leave you "hanging"... If you know what I mean...

He was a Dick(y) with a plan and he was threatening to "run for it"...

DP: You little ungrateful piece of sausage, you would be just another piece of boring fertilizing kit without me, instead of the "sex and piss magician" that you currently are...

Dicky:  Flattery won't get you anywhere with me. I 've been stuck with you for way too long, I know how your dirty mind works you sorry, pathetic "little" man. Oh, did I hit a nerve there, with the "little" remark... oh so sorry... NOT!

DP: Why you tiny arrogant b-rated Ocktoberfest wannabe,what do you want from me?

Dicky: I've got a couple of demands... oh your lousy horniness...

DP: Who doesn't in Greece...

Dicky: True but irrelevant. First of all I want social security and a good pension and health plan to boot.

DP: Go take a hike(oh you poor little bastard you can't, because you are STUCK with me!). This is Greece, we don't offer money to the masses only take them away(with extreme prejudice nonetheless). It is sort of a "favourite" national hobby of ours, a way to pass the time why we sink into oblivion as a nation, so to speak...

Dicky: Greece's internal affairs do not concern me...

DP: You must be alone in that one in a global scale... 

Dicky: Regardless, what about my demand?

DP: The only thing I can offer is less tight pairs of pants for life and some  soothing icicle companionship for the "difficult times". I am running on fumes here mate, I am on a budget...

Dicky: You drive a "hard" bargain there ("hard bargain" get it, oh the irony is lost in most people these days...geez). Ok, I will conditionally accept your offer with compulsory renegotiation after 3 years.

DP: You sounded like the bloody IMF there...

Dicky: Maybe, but the IMF can't literally "bust your balls" eh? So, you might as well roll with it...

 

 Who needs a dietician eh...?

Pair of balls(whispering): You wouldn't do that for real, would ya boss?

Dicky(whispering): Nah, I am just bluffing guys... I've "grown" fond of you with time, you are my compadres, my right and left men, my stepping stones to greatness, my ejaculation experts and infinite sperm producers. You are here to stay (for now...)...

Pair of balls(whispering): How about the future boss? Are we going to ever ascend in the body hierarchy of things?

Dicky(whispering): This is Greece mates we need to be realistic here and adjust to the times. As soon as you are old,crumpy and thus dysfunctional, I am going to fire you and put you down like rabbid dogs...

Pair of balls(whispering): "Thanks boss", you are a true humanitarian...

Dicky(whispering): I simply have international standards, that's all...

DP: Hey, wtf? What are you whispering down there you three?

Dicky: This is an effing democracy mate, we do things by the book, I ask the opinions of the "people" under me but I do just what I want in the end.

 

 Sounds kinda familiar...

 

DP: Good to know we've come to a mutual agreement. By the way, you are leaning a bit to the right there... I expect this not to be a political issue, merely an anatomic one...

Dicky: Are you accussing me of right wing tendencies there? Simply put, one ball is more full than the other, that's all geez... 

DP: Hey man, it is dicks like you that gave the right wing party so many votes in the past elections, one can't be too careful these days...

Dicky: Anyway, I am going for my beauty sleep, do call "the vagina" in a bit, we've got work to do!

DP: Will do! (Shouting) Vagin.... I mean babe, can you come here for a moment!

Incoming babe/wife: Everything ok in here babe? I think I heard voices in here...

DP: I just had an illuminating conversation with my penis, it was "stimulating" to say the least...

Incoming babe/wife: I told you to cut down on those bloody M and Ms snacks, you overdosed again!!! Let's hope the effect is not permanent...

DP: I have a pretty cool "side-effect", if you look just a little bit lower...

Incoming babe/wife: I see... What can I say... M and Ms for the win!

 

And with those words of wisdom this blog post is ending abruptly, before it becomes R-rated...

Till next time my friends, take care!

Music in videogames can be quite addictive...come on give it a go...

I was playing this videogame the other day, called "Tenchu : Shadow Assasins" on the Nintendo Wii. I am a big fan of the series although the quality of the games doesn't always justify it.The game takes place in feudal Japan where you are a Ninja trying to keep peace by any means necessary (yep, that would be offing opponents in excessively gruesome ways, yammy!!!). As I was ready to begin a level where rain and thunder were prominent, an amazing music theme kicked in that caught me totally by surprise... It is by far one of the coolest pieces of music I've listened to recently, thus the idea of sharing this with you came to mind. In fact, this idea evolved into posting several memorable videogame tunes in the blog, since this is music that is not accessible to non-gamers and doesn't exist outside the realm of gaming, except from some limited edition CDs if at all.

Let's kickstart the videogame music mayhem then, you never know you may actually listen to something you like...



Tenchu: Shadow Assasins , the theme is called "Rain"simply outstanding in my book!

The Silent Hill series is a horror videogame series favouring atmosphere over "peak-a-boo" scares. This series is renowned for its amazing musical scores created by Akira Yamaoka. There are a lot of tunes I like from this series of games but if I HAD to pick one, it would be the following...


This is from Silent Hill 3 and this video depicts the main character of the game singing the song, which is equally cool and creepy:).

Moving on to more upbeat tunes, there is this little boxing (sort of) game called Punch Out , released for the Nintendo Wii. The game is fun and simple but requires killer reflexes so it is an offering for gamers that can take some serious punishment first prior to beating the game. The main theme of the game is so catchy, I sincerely struggled to get it out of my head:). Maybe it has that Rocky movie essence going about it that makes all "testosterone infused" individuals excited, who knows...



I find this theme really uplifting for some reason. A lot of people have said that it works great as workout companion music! Who am I to argue:).

Time to get seriously spy-tastic on your eardrums now! The game series is Metal Gear Solid and it has more dialogue than any immortal TV soap opera out there. Seriously, with each new iteration of the franchise you seem to watch more and play less... "Talk, talk and more talk" as a good friend of mine had pointed out repeteadly in the past. Still beyond the conspiracy talk (yawn...) there are high production values involved, including great OSTs from esteemed Hollywood composer Harry Gregson Williams. Lots of tunes to choose but the following from the first game I played has just stuck more than the rest...


At least I found this in the sound quality I wanted, the gods of youtube were merciful this time:).

And last but not least (drums rolling...) Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg!!! Say this 3 times fast now(or not)! Yes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous it is great cheesy cheeky fun and it involves a kid dressed in a rooster suit rolling eggs to kick enemies ass. And then there is the main theme which is equal measures cute and annoying and I was humming it throughout the game several years ago...


Yep, it has to be seen to be believed, LOL .I deliberately chose a so and so volume version of this, since it can be either extremely addictive or extremely annoying!

And this theme brings us to the end of this peculiar post. The moment just came and gone. I really don't know if those sorts of posts are enjoyable but who knows maybe if they are, one more could creep up on you at some point (now THAT was a threat if I ever heard one...).

Till next time, take care all!

Keeping things simple, a personal maddening paradox...

For yours truely keeping things simple was never a character trait... Be it personal relationships, job hunting, hobbies or whatever else you fancy, I was never one to live today like there is no tomorrow. There had to be some plan, or hint of a plan or even an illusion of a plan that would echoe a more longterm approach. In some sense, this is still the case but to be honest it hasn't been the way it used to. My gal would teasingly say that I am a Capricorn, thus I plan for plan's sake but being the imbecilic fool that take pride in admitting to be, I beg to differ with this simplified 'supernatural' version. In other words, why bother with the PG version of things when you can opt for a hefty R or even M rating?

It doesn't get much more M- rated than that... Run Splosion buddy, run:).

So, yeah there is a plan of sorts somewhere around my peanut sized brain but it doesn't define my actions anymore. You see, part of the reason I am glad to have reached my current hyper-looney albeit 'vegetabilic' (die english language, die, I will kill you with my non-existing ridiculous words, LOL!) condition is that I am living my life oblivious to personal restraints of any sort that used to impair my evolution as an individual('personal evolution' eh? Oh that was so futuristic from a linguistic point of view, it almost brough a tear to my eye...almost...). I can "cut" the simplicity of my actions out of thin air, it is practically all around me. It is evident in what I do for living, in the videogames I am playing, in the honesty of my feelings towards my loved ones, it is in fact quite liberating. Now before this post turns into a ridiculous self absorbing blissful mess (oopps too late for that...), let's present an example of simplicity for simplicity's sake. And what better realm to dig to, from the inexplicably complicated world of videogames...

I think I finally 'lost my head' with this post... What on earth am I talking about? LOL!

For most women or non-gaming losers seeing a gamepad up close and personal is a frightening experience... So, many sticks and buttons can cause practically a headache to the uninitiated just by looking at them. Imagine playing one of modern games with the many button combinations and fast reflexes required... Oh the learning curve is steep ladies and gentlemen and the horror permeating your every pore is justified, just thinking about it (or not... LOL!).Have no fear though, because even a gaming veteran such as myself has a soft spot for simplicity in his gaming diet. And the name of the simple stuff is SPLOSION MAN!!! (top marks for the made up word to the developers of the game, I love torturing the english language as well guys).The premise of the game is simple: you are a wacked up experiment escaping from an underground lab and you have to ex(s)plode(actually if I put "s" first the word miraculously becomes "sexplode", hmmm... kinky...) your way out of there taking as many scientists to their biotech maker as you can. Now, I am a bioscientist and I should opt for my cartoonish colleagues but I am also DP and there is no fun in rooting for the biofreaks. So, "off with their heads" I say!!! The gameplay is simple enough using only a couple of buttons and it is really cartoonishly funny (for someone with my sense of humour anyway, other sane people call this "silly" I've heard...). Basically, the main character explodes his way through the levels( I am sure a lot of pissed off workers out there have thought of doing the same around the bosses sometime or another...or maybe that is just me, LOL!!!).

Ah, little flamey looney Splosion man, noone Splodes quite like you (oh that pun was so bad... I LOVE IT!).

As time management in my life becomes more essential with every passing day, I try to keep things simple just to make my life easier.It doesn't always work but when it does I sleep better these days... Ah, let me be carefree now that I can, my invisible minions of readers, and let's see how long it will last.Not long enough, I am sure... (bummer, LOL!).

Till next time, take care!

The art of killing time...

Killing time is a fine art... Some people whine all the time that they don't have enough time and when they eventually get it, they don't know what to do with it! This post is really about me and how I am killing time prior to the 4th of February when I will be joining the greek army for a year's obligatory service. In other words I don't want to go but I have to go because if I don't go I would wish that I would have gone due to the repercussions of not going, LOL! ( I always wanted to write one of this "mouthfulish" statements that make people scratch their heads and read it twice, yeah, another blogging ambition fulfilled! Will my awesomeness ever end? LOL). So let's see how a Merc without employment(everything is in deep freeze because of the army, remember 'the Governator's' performance in 'Batman and Robin' ? Even colder...) spends his days in the savageland called Lamia.

The funny thing about this time period in my life is that there is no actual schedule involved in the daily proceedings. Since my girlfriend is away at the moment I have to find some alternative ways to entertain my awesomeness... A lifetime as an only child has taught me the fine art of having a good time with yourself (that sounded a bit perverted didn't it? Good!!!LOL). Since with every passing day I am coming closer to a year's time full of military gear and excess testosterone I opted to massively exercise my solitary hobbies such as watching movies, reading comics, playing videogames, blogging, probably shoving old ladies in the street and making them bump onto eachother and definitely performing death defying stunts like getting up from bed and taking a shave (yeah I know, I like living dangerously...). Well that was the plan but so far going from theory to practice, from point A to point B, from room to room and from channel to channel on TV hasn't been what it was cracked up to be.

Where is a room full of clowns when you need one to let some steam out....Hey a man has to have hobbies right? LOL

The main problem is, that I feel a certain degree of pointlessness in everything I do at the moment (ok shoving old ladies never gets old but for the sake of argument let's just say that it does, LOL). It is true though... I feel like this date of joining the army hangs above my head like a gilotine of sorts. Let me elaborate on that... It is not the act of joining the army that makes me feel that way, it is the fact that sometimes I wish I could join the damn thing tomorrow! I have waited too long for this stupid deadline to come and now it cant come soon enough... I just want to get on with it and stop having the rest of my life on hold...(calm down DP, calm down, count to ten and visualize a nude Eva Mendes winking at you with sexual intent.... see, the world isn't a bad place after all but it will be if/when your girlfriend reads this, LOL).

At the moment my Xbox360 is 'on fire' (not literally although I may set it on fire at some point as a final stand of sorts against corporate malarchy.... eat this Bill Gates!!! LOL). I have finished a couple of games, namely 'Kameo : Elements of Power' and 'Halo 3'. The first game is about a fairy that can transform into various sorts of creatures each with their own unique abilities in her effort to save her family from the clutches of evil orcs or whatever (you know it is this 'originality' in concept that will be the end of the gaming industry one day...). Besides the obvious absurd fact that there should be no orcs left in any pop culturish creation since ALL were offed in the Lord of the Rings trilogy the game was good fun. Nothing special but at least a colourful generic adventure of sorts.

Could the Master Chief be Chuck Norris?! Now why wouldn't that surprise me... No wonder he has the helmet on , non - stop, for 3 consecutive games:).

'Halo 3' on the other hand is a game where a malakas futuristic trooper has been locked inside his cybernetic armour(I am guessing AGAIN since this is part 3 of this series) thus he is not obviously the 'sharpest pencil in the box' judging from the fact that he hasn't been able to get out of it in 3 games!!! Apart from the disturbing notion that this trooper hasn't taken a leak in 3 games because of obvious -ahem- armour limitations, he is a pretty cool bladder....eh.... I mean fighter that can off anything that moves under the gamer's control. The game was pretty good overall, highly cliched story wise but the presentation and gameplay were ace, so I felt a certain degree of satisfaction finishing it (not as much satisfaction as the lead character -Master Chief- will get after ditching the armour and taking a leak after 3 games of course...).So I guess gaming wise it has been a good period for me...

Reading comics is becoming more of an acquired taste treat as I become older but it is still a nice downtime... If I had to present two highlights(both negative) of my current comic bookish addiction these would be: 1) The Deadpool comic book is getting cancelled now that is has started getting really good (bummer!!!) 2) Peter Parker and Mary Jane are not married in the Spiderman comics anymore since some malakas had the idea of reversing time in the comics thus erasing every part of the continuity of the Spiderman comics of the past 30 years... I think this is such a lame and lazy way to reinvent a character that it defies belief... thus I won't be buying Amazing Spiderman again just on principle (good for my wallet to, hooray!!!).

As I confessed my career is in a state of 'compulsory hiatus' and sometimes I think that my brain went with it... Just look at how "prepared" I am for action, any action for that matter:).

As for blogging and watching movies these two past times have been trapped in oblivion since I don't feel like writing and I don't think I can actually watch a movie without falling asleep at the moment. Some people may call it 'lethargic predisposition' I call it pure, shameless laziness to focus. Because that is the key concept here, 'focus' and I don't want to exercise any of it. I just want to save my remaining brain cells for when they are really needed and dump down my attitude towards life for the upcoming military service. Unfortunately, my brain cells have once again revolted against their owner so they keep operating at full capacity... bloody brain cells... they never listen to me... they just think, think, think and when they want to have fun they think some more... Oh well, it could be worse I could have had the collective conciousness of a sprout so I wouldn't be able to blog for pretty apparent reasons:).

I just realized that this was a pretty pointless post but who cares, this is Deadpool's Laughing Den so anything goes really:)

Till next time, take care and stay away from landmines (what kind of wish was that... oh man... that does it... I am calling my insanist now... was that Dimitris? No, Dimitris jumped from his office window after our last session... Let's call Giannis then... Giannis has been locked up in an asylum muttering ' No DP , pure joy' all the time... Hmmm... better get the Golden Pages or something to find a new vict... I mean insanist to tort... I mean to help me... LOL).

Later!

P.S. : If you think about it I actually talked about the 'art of killing time' in my own unique way... what did you say, "you don't get it"?... Hey I wrote this post didn't I? LOL. There is method to my madness I tell you:)

Surviving the 'drilling monster' above...

You know this was a peaceful little appartment and I was a nutty little Merc living in it. Day in day out, there were some constants in life that were undeniable. Yes, I live in a small town, in a central appartment, where morning in morning out you don't have the sky 'dropping on your head' from some unexpected development. You have the occassional change in the weather, maybe some cultural event happening but you know that at least in the confines of your appartment, you can be calm, safe, warm and as lazy as hell without giving a toss about the outside world. Well, I guess nothing lasts forever...

Nuff said...

It all started approximately 3 weeks ago... I was sleeping the sleep of the "just and wacky" tossing wisecracks to unfortunate fools in my dreams or sexing it up with Ms Eva Mendes(what a sad, sad little man I am, LOL) or watching some too weird sci fi opus of my own creation playing in the media player of my collective subconcious. You see, future blog entries do creep their ugly head in my mind even when I am asleep. I am that far gone:). As fate would dictate it, the universe had different plans for my immediate domestic well being. It all started with a buzz, some little drilling sounds coming from above, slow, calculating, testing, drilling 'baby steps'... I woke up more puzzled than annoyed... I was like : "What the f...k? Who dares interrupt the beauty sleep of Deadpoolite, the man who makes asylums tremble at the hearing of his very name, at the notion that he may visit them and stay permanently there one day"? More than anything, I was curious... Curious at what insolent beast was making those drilling sounds so close to a man who can reduce another living being to shivering laughter with only weapons his sharp wit and his self sarcastic quotes. "How dare you?" I shouted at the invisible invader above me. "Better monsters than you have tried you howling fool, this means war motherf...ng prick, this means war!!!".


Deadpoolite humming merrily: "Everyone is DP fighting..."! Hey, who gives a toss about copy writing laws right? I am making this my 'DP theme' for the day:)

Despite my spiteful comment, do not be fooled by such misleading social outbursts on my behalf... One of my most admirable traits is patience... I may have other petty character traits but I am ridiculously patient as a person. I am not saying I don't have a short fuse with anger sometimes but it is almost never 'lit' by impatience for something that is about to happen or for something bad/annoying that is already happening. I just have the ability to wait up as long as it takes, having a silly confident smile on my face, that it is all going to play out my way at the end. It is truely 'sickening' for people around me, I notice, who are fuming and swearing all the time in e.g. queues everywhere, trying to save those precious little minutes to finish up an errand faster. Besides the point, as I have so eloquently put it in the past (and this a 100% DP branded quote I assure you):"Greeks only queue up properly at the escalators or at passport control in the airport simply because it is too narrow not too...". However, I have strayed a bit from the main attraction of this post which is of course "the drilling monster" and its antics...


"Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!!" Yeah right...

And so the story of my torture began that day... Every single morning the drilling monster was punctual to our "duelling date" of sorts... It always seemed to test the defenses of the ceiling above me... looking for that weak spot to drill through and 'embrace the fool beneath'(that would be me then, LOL) or bury him in a load of ceiling debris. What was DP's reaction in the first 10 days or so, one passing reader may wonder... I was laughing at the sight (or to be precise sound, LOL) of the danger lurking above and at the 'drilling menace's' unknown face. I wouldn't be intimidated by some drilling monster that was trespassing on DP territory... we both knew who would prevail in the end.... Or so I thought....

'Patient DP or not so patient DP', the 'monster' has persisted... It has proved to be more capable to annoy me than I thought... it has been buying time...stalling... testing the weak spots of my mental resistances... putting the volume threshold of my hearing ability to the test... every single morning... every single day. Its tactics were simple yet effective, even a mumbling fool like me could see : " Always attack with rage when DP is deeply asleep... right above his head... right above his bedroom... be his music in the morning, the first thing he hears when he opens his eyes". This is a battle of wits alright... it is a 'man vs technology' duel, a man's last stand against noise pollution against an enemy invisible but creepily able to make its presence felt with the help of sound waves... The monster has not been the only one testing the opposite party... DP has been learning as well... I have studied its patterns, when it raises its ugly head in the morning, when it goes to sleep, when it resumes its unholy drilling mayhem above my head. All is crystal clear, being the uber nutty strategist that I am, I have tried to design some defensive strategies to make the drilling monster fall into a false sense of security before I retaliate with extreme prejudice... These tactics have never failed me before... but fate has decided that this once I wasn't the one who was going to smile at the end (at least not in the shorterm...).

All this progress I made with my 'insanist' to somewhat alleviate my insanity were in vain... I am BACK!!! and someone will pay (and I am not talking money... more like the 'currency of pain')... LOL

The monster has persisted for a couple of weeks now... reluctant to stop... drilling its merry way into my ceiling and sometimes I feel into my skull. I don't need an alarm clock anymore, I don't need the vibration function on my game console's controller, I don't need to shake the shaker to make cold frappe coffee anymore... There is no reason to pump up the volume in survival horror games to creep myself out, there is no need to listen to remixes of songs anymore... every song playing in my appartment is remixed by the 'Drill DJ' now:). I know there is a purpose why the 'monster' is drilling so persistently on the concrete boundary above me, it has an actual motivation and a goal to achieve. Sometimes, it seems to be drilling at the exact same spot, like it is searching for oil or something... localization of sound is highly overrated anyway by now... it is all one big drilling mess in my head. I will not be subdued, I will not be defeated but I will give the 'monster' sometime to realize the error of its ways and retreat to whatever manifacturing hell hole it has crawled out from... If it does sooner rather than later it will have a chance to survive my wrath... Because you know, a patient man's wrath is not to be toyed with... it just accumulates in, bottled up, subversive but not totally dormant... always longing for that unfortunate fool or occassion who is going to accidentaly release it... Some doors are never meant to be opened you see... I am patient, I am nuts, I am an all around nice guy but if this drilling lunacy doesn't come to an end soon, there will be only one course of action: "Grab the drilling monster from the proverbial throat and shove it up it's handler's -not so proverbial- ass!!!" . Drilling monster.... you have been warned... next time it will be your terminal stop in this plane of existence...and I will enjoy every fricking moment of it , muhahahhaha!!!!

If I am going to go through with this I pity the fool who 'drills merrily' upstairs... let's just say it is going to be a long way down for him...:)

P.S. Essentially, someone is drilling on the floor above my head getting to my nerves... but I couldn't just write that could I now? This is "Deadpool's Laughing Den", LOL!!!

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 3 of 3)

Having investigated the premises like a true pro (pro at being a "lazy git" that is, LOL) it was finally time to investigate and resolve once and for all the origin and the purpose of this escalator(of course such grandiose statements usually end up with me having my head up my a.... from desperation but that is an issue to be discussed with my insanist so I will skip the gruesome details for now,lol). This escalator was evil no doubt about it.... Not as evil as me attempting to empty my bladder in plain sight but it was a close second... I approached it with caution... The material was no doubt of earth origin and the design was definitely a bit on the 'minimum acceptable standards' side of things but it was created by human hands. "What madness is this?" I shouted, "I haven't seen anything this insane since my.... my.... my..... well my last post on this blog really:)"

Coming Soon to a blog near you... "Reach the church or die trying"

I walked further uphill as other glorious Lamian citizens were going about their business without giving the escalator a second look. "Is this a mass hypnosis effect so that they don't aknowledge the existence of this out of place abomination? OR some of these people read my blog regularly and they have irreversible brain damage so their deductive logic equals that of a sprout?" I wondered in awe. Nevertheless and with these grave questions littering my accursed brain I observed the high end of the escalator. There was a road perpendicular to the upper part of the escalator followed by a set of stairs leading to a church at the top... This greek tragedy of a picture made the cogs of my brain turn in angles that I wasn't aware were physiologically possible and two case scenarios(more like a one case scenario and an "alien invasion malarchy" that will never see the light of day unless the price is right or the readers demand it...LOL) flashed in front of my eyes as to what the escalator was doing in this "too steep for words" street in the first place....

DP productions proudly presents:

AN ESCALATOR MADE BY MEN TO FACILITATE APPROACH TO THE CHURCH TO AGEING BELIEVERS ( A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SO TO SPEAK)

Let's assume that the escalator was built by humans to aid other humans go up the street and approach the temple of god at the top. Well, this scenario would be almost logical and utterly sane if not for the following:

Assuming that the escalator begins half way up the street and not at the base of it an elder is not particularly helped by it since he has to go up half way the street on foot (come on glorious old war veterans the spirit of "300" demands you give it a go, even if it is a suicide mission, LOL). Maybe the vespa/scooter I saw parked nearby serves that purpose indeed to aid the elders reach the escalator in one piece.

So could this vespa/scooter be a part of " the greater plan" ? Shivers run down my spine just thinking about the huge malarchy at play... LOL

Assuming that one of the unfortunate people to attempt this, doesnt leave his last breath on the asphalt of the street and survives till he reaches the escalator, he will be faced with another riddle. "How to turn the escalator on, since it is permanenty off!" and I don't know a single person who has seen it working apart from daydreaming mumbling fools and dreamy M and Ms eating lunatics...(hey dont look at me... so ok I got a life membership in both of the above clubs...who doesn't... it is perfectly legal after all...lol). Anyway for the sake of argument let's say that either by a stroke of luck (or lightning) someone manages to make the escalator work and he uses it to go up grinning like he won the lottery without even playing (ok, this was insane but the best is yet to come so do not despair just yet, save it for the end... lol). As he would reach the top he would have to cross the street.No biggie really since it is a narrow street and for once not an uphill one! The gods of greek street making have been merciful to the unlucky ageing passerby that would like to reach the church above... it is a miracle I am telling you, LOL.

That doesn't look that bad some elders may actually make it to the church after all...

So after crossing the plain, old fashioned,perfectly even, gloriously unsmoothy specimen of greek asphalt laying on the ground and reach the stairs then what? An ageing geezer would have suffered at least a couple of strokes minimum and a heart attack as an opener just reaching the base of the stairs. Still, there is no end to some people's faith (or stupidity) so I guess at least one heroic senile citizen of Lamia would reach that landmark. All that separates "the faithful from their faith" is a bunch of uphill stairs, not exactly a handful of stairs a bit more than that.

...and then reality kicks in... let's face it, they are dead! :)

Hypothetically speaking an old man with advanced military training (even if that was during his long gone youth...) and the willingless to lose a couple of limbs in the process or have some vital organs abandoning all will to continue functioning could do it(or at least get the medal of "the open palm" for trying...For non-greeks... there will be an explanation of what this means in a future post...greeks know what I mean,LOL). So whoever reaches the church would be blessed and happy and giggly and content that he still "got what it takes" to survive this ordeal and reach the church. Then, he would look down and the realisation would hit him hard like a ton of bricks : "Bummer, I have to go all the way down as well..."

A sign of "intelligent" life maybe...? Let's give it a shot: "Take me to your leader!!!". Sigh... no response... LOL!!!

After the above autopsy of the premises and this insane theory on what the criteria to build this "travesty of an escalator" were, I cracked a smile thinking of my readers either laughing or crying from desperation(mission accomplished...heh).Then, I went on my merry way to create another 'blogging madness' scenario for the next post. Never a dull moment with this DP character it seems...

Another death defying stunt by an anonymous biker... will he make it down the street in one piece? Being the supreme humanitarian that I am (LOL), I got the local hospital's number on speed dial just in case:)

Take care and I hope this was an OK read for the ones among you that are still among the living, after reaching the bitterly insane end:) Yeah, I am a gentleman like that... I care ... for my blog's stats:)

Till next time friends!

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 2 of 3)

St Nickolas street, what lies beneath this divine name I wonder?

I finally arrived at "the scene of this crime against aesthetics and waste of money for no apparent reason" (what a mouthful,lol). I scouted the area with my investigating eyes (you see writing "sleepy eyes" instead doesnt sound cool,lol). There a were a few cars parked opposite the escalator standing there like silent mechanical guards of doom(someone in this blog watched the "Transformers" movie one time too many it seems, LOL). St Nickolas street is an uphill one with a bit of a steep slope that leads , after bypassing a flat of stairs as well, to the eponymous church of St Nickolas.

Exhibit number 1, a picture from the base of the street or a living nightmare for any "unfit" person(dont look at DP he is a special insanity op,lol, too mentally fit for words to grasp) .Dammit, a street going uphill!!! Pedestrian gods have mercy:)

There was no pedestrian in sight, thus I approached with caution doing the chicken dance in the process(I know you are left wondering if I actually did it, I'll let you sleep on it, LOL) since it was a chance to publicly display a level of baffoonism previously unheard for an adult person with no apparent legal consequence ( I live for those moments of extreme madness you see, they turn my world around so to speak,lol). As I approached the mysterious escalator, the cogs of my deductive logic kicked in started taking in all the evidence on display: An escalator, a street going uphill, some potentially transforming cars, a church standing tall further ahead... With the above sane and insane pieces of the puzzle dancing merrily in my head I reached the base of the structure itself.

You know if we put a couple of ancient columns next to it maybe just maybe this abomination of a structure could be taken for some token of ancient greek wisdom and craftmanship by naive tourists that would believe anything:). Then again maybe not...:)

As I was observing the fine artistry and ridiculously generic design (now that is how a proper contradictory statement sounds like if I ever heard one,lol) of this escalator I noticed some peculiar pink tablet shaped structures at the bottom of it. What could those be? Force field boundaries so that noone could deviate from reaching the escalator itself? Step trails of the makers of this escalator who could be of alien origin? The mutating remains of some stick chewing gums that evolved to the next level of gum evolution affected by global warming and an excess of public littering? Was it just my mind playing tricks on me after one dose of M and M's too many? All validly insane questions with no appropriately wacky answers....

Sidetracking ants or flying bugs during nightime was not a concern anymore... the glowing pink pellets of doom would guide them to the escalator with safety...ah every little detail accounted for in this fine construction:)

As I osberved the side part of the escalator my blood froze in the viewing of the words "Soris Trunks Fern" signed by a being called "FJS". My blood did not freeze because of the writings but because I remembered I left the oven on back at my appartment so there was a good chance I was already owner of an incineratingly cool appartment and I just didnt know it just yet,lol. Still, there were more important things concerning me than some pesky shelter insecurities. I ran the initials FJS by my brain but it did not reply... I knocked harder at the outer portion of my skull and the old bugger finally went on-line once more. So FJS eh? "Furious Jade Son of a bit...." was an obvious choice, as was "Fat Junkyard Sister" and "Free Junk Sale" before it. "Fast Jello Shouting" sounded more nuts than the rest so I rolled with it:)

"Soris Trunks Fern" by FJS... Obviously some people have way too much free time in their hands... hey dont look at me that way:)

I walked further uphill to get a better perspective of the weird escalator that was plaguing the streets of my hometown. I tried to locate a handle, a switch something to activate it without causing a state of emergency in town or some sort of nuclear fusion but nothing. The escalator seemed to have never been used not by a material being anyway and just stood there silent. Since there are some laws preventing it in Greece , I just couldnt grab the first pedestrian in sight and beat the truth out of him as violently as possible (STUPID LEGISLATION!!!) so I had to use more of my insanity fuelled deductive logic (ooookkkk, my brain is on fire, no more thinking please...). From the top I noticed that the space between the escalator and the parked cars at the other side of the road was quite narrow so obviously only stuntmen drivers could drive down the street without scraping all the scenery out of existence. So maybe this street wasnt a hazard against safe driving but a stuntman training ground... hmmm... as good as any theory I would come up with , in part 3:) Yep, it is time to go and I know I am pushing the boundaries of human endurance and patience by writing a third and final post about this but who cares, it is all good mindless fun, just what the doctor ordered then:)

Better leave your SUV at home ladies and gentlemen... narrow "to the point of suicidal" gap in the premises:)

When I think this street cant look any shittier a new picture comes and sets a new unpreceded standard of crapiness... this is a view from the top but not the VERY top , tune in to Part 3 for the finale of this DP obsession fuelled blogging opus of sorts:)



To be continued (and concluded) in Part 3!

Till then reset your sanity meter, have a brain check up to see if the old lug is still alive and kicking and stay tuned for the conspiracy theories extravaganza that I will unleash upon you in part 3, LOL!


P.S.: For the people among you that havent read Part 1, reading this part alone is kind of pointless really... So, take a sip of your coffee, take a deep breath and arm yourselves with courage... You have to read Part 1! So be a good blog reader and take the challenge like a man/woman!


Take care people!

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 1 of 3)

(This story is totally fictional and was inspired by an actual escalator that exists in my town and has no apparent reason of existence. This only came to my attention a couple of weeks ago. More on that on Part 2)

It was another morning massacred by annoying alarm clocks in the town of Lamia, Greece. I woke up early (DP P.I. at your service), opened the blinds and the morning sun burnt my eyes with its ferocity. As I was about to drink some coffee and smoke an invisible cigar(you see Holywood cliches demand I do so, although I am a non-smoker, LOL) to get some sort of perspective on the day that was unfolding before me, the phone rang. "Who the f...k could it be this early in the morning at 11.oo a.m.?" I groaned with detestation (oh, I am such a hard worker it is unbelievable,lol).

There is nothing better than kickstarting your day with the right mentality... with me... this is the ONLY mentality by default, LOL.

The voice at the other end of the line wasn't a horny Eva Mendes begging me to mate with her as I had hoped, but an uneventful creepy voice right out of "horror movies creepy voices 101" class. The following dialogue ensued between Merc and unknown female voice (drums rolling... since there is no audio take my word for it, LOL):

DP: Hello... Echoooo.....1,2,3....Echooo....

Uneventful Female Voice (UFV) : There is a storm coming your way mortal.... (UFV eh? Sounds like a bloody shampoo constituent doesnt it? LOL)

DP(looking outside the window): Ehhh... nope it is a beautiful day outside... nothing peculiar about it... only a babe coming by my window on the street... it is a hot redhead... I wonder if it is anyone I knew in a past life or one of my female links... hmmm...yammy!

UFV: Look up at the sky... doesnt what you see freeze your blood?

DP(looking bored) : Nope.... looks clear...

UFV : It cant be! Let me try again (clearing throat to sound more ominous)! Look outside your window again! Anything now?

DP (slightly annoyed and properly amused) : Nope still looks clear... Give me something woman, work with me woman, work with me...

UFV: I will never f...g buy batteries from E-Bay ever again! Bloody seller had like 98% positive reviews and I got fricking robbed, I am the 2% goddamit, I am the damn 2% that got f...d up the as...

DP: Watch it lady this is still an NC-17 rated blog, although it is an R-rated blog at heart!

UFV: Ok, I will just send a bloody e-mail... how damn anticlimactic! I mean did I ask for much? Just a damn solid entrance into this blog entry, some ominous lightnings, some dim lighting, but nooo.... nothing works out as planned.... all I get are some dead batteries from godforsaken E-Bay.... Damn! I am always part of the negative stats of the bloody thing... story of my life... oh gods of pointless e-shopping what have I done to deserve this curse of continuous non-successful on-line purchasing!

DP: Just shut up and shut up! Send the damn e-mail and I will gladly end your misery by unleashing all my crap jokes upon you in quick succession!!!

UFV: This is a fate worse than death!!! Please spare me!!! Be merciful and just shoot me!!!

DP: Nah, it wont be messy enough, crap jokes and illussions of grandeur is all you are going to get from me muhahahaha!!! Now send the e-mail before I kickstart the crap joke onslaught...

UFV: Okkkkaaayyy.... (hunging up the phone)


As soon as the phone tone died out I heard the familiar sound of Bruce Campbell's voice saying " Gottcha didnt I you little sucker!" that dictates I got a new e-mail on my inbox. I opened the DP 'uber e-mail account' and it was full of spam mail!!! Looking appropriately bewildered I raised my fists in the air shouting loudly at the great beyond : "For crying out loud, internet gods where art thou? For once I want to log in to my pathetic e-mail account and find the e-mail I want waiting for me like a faithful puppy and not try to find it in a sea of sex pills, sex crazed women, easily obtained University degrees and bloody internet ads! Just for once I want to feel like I got a normal e-mail account and not some travesty of relentless spamming ready to consume me!!! Sigh...".

Superwacky sense of humour or not, there is no superpower on earth to protect one from spam mail... creepy... LOL

As soon as I progressed through the sea of ridiculous malarchy showered upon me I located the e-mail I wanted via my trusty GPS(Global Positioning System) .Yep, THAT much spam... LOL. The e-mail was comprised by the mission objective for the day (hey, those videogame staples will hunt me to my inevitable demise when I eventually burst from excess M and M's consumption I am sure... I mean where else except from videogaming you can say "Mission Objective" and get away with it, LOL). This pointless passage of semi-coherent written english read as follows:

' There has been an incident in Racoon City (always wanted to write that, I am a big Resident Evil fan what can I do, LOL, okay, okay e-mail starts now geez... there is no pleasing some people...). There has been an incident in Lamia City (see how gay that sounds? You only have yourselves to blame dear readers...). An unidentified escalator has suddenly appeared in the uphill street of St Nickolas. It just appeared one day in a shower of light, for no apparent reason and just stands there, silent, ominous, pointless, staring into the great beyond as well as at the church at the top of the stairs. Some say the day of judgement is here, some say that an alien invasion is imminent, others are sure that it is another display of pointlessly wasted public money just to show that something is being given back to the community by local authorities... You have been summoned DP, for all intents and purposes, to investigate the scene of this crime against common sense and basic aesthetics... We have faith in you, us, the forces of supernatural malarchy that are bored out of our minds, so send mortals to pointless errands for our amusement. Basically, we had only one criterion for your choice for this ridiculous mission, you are the only one insane enough to do it and who can spare some time of his life investigating what is essentially a fool's errand....

P.S. Death to E-Bay, bloody batteries still not working! '

Cheesy one liner coming up... beware my dear readers... beware...lol

I deleted the e-mail, took a sip of my coffee, wondered if anyone of my readers has reached this far down this insanity fuelled post and what the longterm effects for their mental health will be... and then uttered in appropriately baffoonish ecstasy one of the cheesiest lines I will ever write in this blog (cover your ears dear readers...) : "DP to the rescue!!!" (Damn this was so cheesy I barely made it out alive, LOL).


I guess there are worse "disguises" out there than the DP outfit, LOL. Peter Sellers rocked by the way!!!

I wore my DP outfit just to blend in with the crowd (LOL... that was funny... I can just imagine me walking in the streets of Lamia with a Deadpool costume on greeting people left and right... hahahaha, an image of the future perhaps... right before the men in the white robes catch me of course, LOL) and was on my merry way to investigate the sight of the ' weird escalator sighting'... I would solve this mystery even at the expense of the sanity of my readers... I was THAT determined :)


To be continued in part 2...


Take care all and watch out this space for Part 2 (there is a slight chance there will be a third one as well depending on inspiration, but for now this is a two parter so there is a good chance you will escape from my blogging clutches with some sanity intact, LOL)... (UPDATE 8/10/07: Well as you know by now, there is going to be a PART 3 as well, bummer!!! LOL)

DP out!

Blogging in a zombie state: An exercise in pointless Merc perseverance and a display of extreme stupidity.

I wanted to do this for a long time... try to write something when I am in the creative -albeit subdued- trance between a half asleep moron and an all out citizen of the realm of the undead (that would be a zombie then,lol). Oh why should I waste my superior intellect on such pointless tasks is anyone's guess (as Bruce Campbell once said in a special features clip "some people have way too much free time in their hands..."). I had a couple of attempts at fulfilling my laughable blogging ambition in the past, but I just couldnt maintain conciousness past the point of typing the blog title. Still, I am one persistent trooper so tonight seems to be the night where I finally elevate from a madness novice to a madness god so to speak. I know, I know it doesnt make any sense but what does in life...

Not even my newly acquired zombie state can stop me from blogging, creepy isnt it...

So what does one write when he is constantly hopping between the realm of the awake and the realm of sleep? It is a great question indeed (actually it is plain stupid but that never stopped me before so why bother now, lol). First of all, I thought of typing about how my day has been and all but I am all out of multisyllabic words so that idea soon wore off. Then I thought about chicks and babes and all the things that require more use of the head down under than the head up north (heck I could preserve some invaluable brain power doing that....heh) but nope this would require the posting of explicit pics of babes and all (I am all for juicy women with no self esteem but there is no way I am going to google their b....bs up just to find my pics of choice, too laborious a process in my current state,lol). Videogames are always a good source of inspiration but then again I'd rather play them than write about them so that was a "no way" topic area as well. Taking the piss out of pop culture was the next conceivable notion that passed through my mind but when the lamest celebrity you can think of is SpongeBob Squarepants (hey I am half asleep and totally mad after all...) you know it wont do you any good to proceed with that topic in mind.

I refuse to admit I have writer's block, I refuse to admit I have writer's block.... what was that... anyone mentioned writer's block..... they must be talking about somebody else's blog for sure.... yeah, yeah I live in denial and loving it, lol

So what to write, what to write, I start thinking about the people that read this blog either rarely or often. I think about Shan's eternal questions and her cute sense of humour, I think about Zhu and her immensely enjoyable take on life, I think about TCRA and his constant updating about little things that matter and big things that are cool (maybe it is the other way around, heck I am in a zombie trance....), I think about the Comic Rack guy who mixes comics with humour and transforms a niche topic like comics to something way more enjoyable. One man's travel blog comes to mind with its constant alteration between travelling extravaganzas and serious topics. Mr Decoding is also a good friend, albeit one that is obsessed with constant updating of the ins and outs of the cyber universe. Digital Charm is all about the music within while itelli is in a league of his own really, one time half mad the other half serious. Last but not least is YP who reminds me of an age not that long ago when things were simpler and full of surprises. All good fun reads really... A bunch of people having fun in the bloggosphere, typing merrily to the blogging beat of the music of thoughts in their minds (This was either poetic or poetsh.... you decide, lol).

Me and my readers, a cheerful little lot of nutters blogging our lives away one blog entry at a time... what is not to like, lol!

So, what happens after this blogroll ad is over? Now that my conciousness is fading away and I look like a guy trapped in zombie land armed with his wit and a glass half filled with some zero fat (yeah right...) refreshment. Is this enough... is there really any point to this blog entry? Have I really sank that low that I am all out of inspiration? Is it time to close the curtains and move along? Has the madness faded away? Do words finally fail me? Should I just detonate this goddamn blog space and be done with it?

All valid questions... no easy answers...

Never before has a life shattering dilemma lasted this little time... a whole second, I kid you not... it was a tough decision and I' ll have to live with it for the foreseeable future but you know what they say "you can take DP out of blogging but you cant take blogging out of DP" (what a load of crap... better sleep soon, lol)

For a moment there, the clouds of doubt appeared over my blogging head, however, they vanished shortly after... Let's face it people, I am having too good a time to let it all go away! I am not all out of insanity (maybe in 50 years time when I will be all senile and giggly for no apparent reason, maybe then my insanity deposits will have dried up, heh) and I am not all out of words just yet. This was simply another blog entry, a playground filled with words, nothing too serious, nothing too funny. Just a way to state a presence in the most absurd way possible!

This blog cant get any lower... I am now certain of that... really it is a dream coming true....Oh, wait a moment, what was that? A tear running down my cheek... yep, it is nice when you reach such a longterm goal with such little effort.... damn I am good, lol!



It has been a bit longer than usual since I last blogged about something but it is summer after all. The season where siesta time prevails if you can afford it and overtime dictates if you cant avoid it. I am trespassing somewhere in-between at the moment while coming September I will lean more and more towards the latter. Damn, I love all those little and big life challenges that take my breath away and leave me gazing the future with restrained optimism and enforced realism.

As I look back onto this text, I am thinking "What the f.... am I talking about? I am not even on drugs ( never have been... I mean no reason to go all stoney and manga eyed artificially when I am like that naturally, lol) or drinking like there is no tomorrow... Why on earth would I write nonsense like these in my blog?". The answer comes instictively and hits me like a hammer "I love playing with words... a little wit here, a little insanity there, a little bit of sentiment all around, this is what is it all about...". Human expression in its purest form, blogging in a zombie state when politically correct boundaries do not apply anymore and judgement is clouded by sleepiness.

It is a funny little game and I am up for it, it seems.... the king is dead... long live the king (yep, that is Deadpoolite, ladies and gentlemen).

Ok then, this little experiment is over... I'll stop testing your patience and start testing my matress and pillow (DP bed here I come!!!!)

Till next time, take care all of you!