Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Music in videogames can be quite addictive...come on give it a go...

I was playing this videogame the other day, called "Tenchu : Shadow Assasins" on the Nintendo Wii. I am a big fan of the series although the quality of the games doesn't always justify it.The game takes place in feudal Japan where you are a Ninja trying to keep peace by any means necessary (yep, that would be offing opponents in excessively gruesome ways, yammy!!!). As I was ready to begin a level where rain and thunder were prominent, an amazing music theme kicked in that caught me totally by surprise... It is by far one of the coolest pieces of music I've listened to recently, thus the idea of sharing this with you came to mind. In fact, this idea evolved into posting several memorable videogame tunes in the blog, since this is music that is not accessible to non-gamers and doesn't exist outside the realm of gaming, except from some limited edition CDs if at all.

Let's kickstart the videogame music mayhem then, you never know you may actually listen to something you like...

Tenchu: Shadow Assasins , the theme is called "Rain"simply outstanding in my book!

The Silent Hill series is a horror videogame series favouring atmosphere over "peak-a-boo" scares. This series is renowned for its amazing musical scores created by Akira Yamaoka. There are a lot of tunes I like from this series of games but if I HAD to pick one, it would be the following...

This is from Silent Hill 3 and this video depicts the main character of the game singing the song, which is equally cool and creepy:).

Moving on to more upbeat tunes, there is this little boxing (sort of) game called Punch Out , released for the Nintendo Wii. The game is fun and simple but requires killer reflexes so it is an offering for gamers that can take some serious punishment first prior to beating the game. The main theme of the game is so catchy, I sincerely struggled to get it out of my head:). Maybe it has that Rocky movie essence going about it that makes all "testosterone infused" individuals excited, who knows...

I find this theme really uplifting for some reason. A lot of people have said that it works great as workout companion music! Who am I to argue:).

Time to get seriously spy-tastic on your eardrums now! The game series is Metal Gear Solid and it has more dialogue than any immortal TV soap opera out there. Seriously, with each new iteration of the franchise you seem to watch more and play less... "Talk, talk and more talk" as a good friend of mine had pointed out repeteadly in the past. Still beyond the conspiracy talk (yawn...) there are high production values involved, including great OSTs from esteemed Hollywood composer Harry Gregson Williams. Lots of tunes to choose but the following from the first game I played has just stuck more than the rest...

At least I found this in the sound quality I wanted, the gods of youtube were merciful this time:).

And last but not least (drums rolling...) Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg!!! Say this 3 times fast now(or not)! Yes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous it is great cheesy cheeky fun and it involves a kid dressed in a rooster suit rolling eggs to kick enemies ass. And then there is the main theme which is equal measures cute and annoying and I was humming it throughout the game several years ago...

Yep, it has to be seen to be believed, LOL .I deliberately chose a so and so volume version of this, since it can be either extremely addictive or extremely annoying!

And this theme brings us to the end of this peculiar post. The moment just came and gone. I really don't know if those sorts of posts are enjoyable but who knows maybe if they are, one more could creep up on you at some point (now THAT was a threat if I ever heard one...).

Till next time, take care all!

Monday, 9 November 2009

Deadpoolite starring in "War of the mops"...

These past couple of weeks there has been a ridiculous alternation of sunny and rainy weather around these parts.And if sunny isn't a problem because "us Greeks feed on" sun , heavy rain is a different matter altogether. During this time of weather madness, DP's lair has been flooded not once, not twice but three times. Keep in mind that I am talking about a first floor flat seemingly "above the level of the sea", LOL! Still, it was more a case of blocked pipes and bucketloads of rain combining in a symphony of extreme flooding. The focus of this post will be on the third flooding extravaganza which seemingly transformed the place from an ordinary flat to a plumber's nightmare. Let's take things from the beginning though...

It was coming for us, I could feel it in my ready to get wet pyjamas...

It all started innocently enough... Sunday morning, sleeping with my gal, being practically submerged under the cozy duvet. It is how Sunday mornings should start in the most cliched way possible. And then it started raining... After 30 mins or so, my gal told me : "Why don't you check the rest of the flat to see if we have any inbound leaks". She muttered these words being half awake half asleep and immediately reversed to her dozy existence. I, being the macho man merc that I am , got up and went to the kitchen... As I opened my eyes and adjusted to the morning light (or lack of if you may) I witnessed the amazing sight of the sink being flooded to the brim and the kitchen floor being totally immersed in water.

The only choice available was evident, as clear as the lack of readers to this blog: "Save the cheerleader, save the world!"(sorry wrong line, "Heroes season 1" subconcious input overload, somehow creeping up on me). Let's try this once more... "Wake my girl up, look for any survivors and get out of this place"!
Nah that's when zombie invasion is upon us(I know I've done my drills should such an occasion arise which let's face it is only a matter of time, lol). Better try again then... OK, here it goes: "Alert the troops and fight the good fight against impossible odds trying to keep dry in the process" . Yeah that is more like it, after all, third time is a charm...

And then it was upon us, and all we could do was get wet... What a way to kickstart your Sunday eh? LOL!

So, I woke up sleeping beauty with a "rallying the troops to their impending doom" shout and started trying to empty the sink using any available vessel. However, to my surprise (insert sarcasm...), all the pop culture training in the world didn't seem enough to do the trick. The moment I emptied each water filled vessel and returned for reloading, the level of water in the sink had miraculously rised to a new level of unacceptableness. After certain rounds of pointlessly emptying and reloading water, my gal gave up on the whole notion of "preserving dryiness" and took the main leaking pipe totally out(quick pointless thinking there gal, god I love this woman, LOL!). Heck, if we were going to see our household transform into a waterworld we would do it OUR WAY! As we were watching the house getting molested by inbound water ,we had a cup of coffee talking about how we always wanted an aquarium and that these things cost, but now fate had bestowed upon us a truely interactive one, minus the fishes. Yep, we are that cool (or stupid) sue us, LOL!

I would be a prisoner of the mop for the next 3 hours, serving my sentence with conviction, after I had gone to the toilet to take a leak. You know, water pouring from every corner of the house and all... I just had to:).

Eventually, the rain stopped and it was time for some heavy mopping, preceded by the usual "push water towards the staircase routine because it has to get out of the bloody house somehow". If there ever was a time I wished I was Spongebob Squarepants this was the one. Being made of sponge would be the only thing able to save our floor (thanks f...k it ain't made of wood). Have I mentioned that half the house had become a pond, with the living room in particular having an additional watery deposit, courtesy of the flooded front balcony? And thus, we mopped like we had never mopped before in out worthless dry lives. The whole procedure took around 3 hours of extreme sponging and mopping during which I started hallucinating that I had little kids that were water skiing into the living room shouting: " We have the coolest house ever pa!!!" while I was immersed into the created waves.

I admit, should this madness had been true, it would have made things infinite cooler since there would be some movement, fuss and heavy cursing involved but we can't have it all in life(*sigh*bummer). So, I simply continued mopping like a true greek sportsman (which doesn't really say much, but who cares). Special mention should go to my newly developed specially patented "dustpan pour move" which I used to get water out of the living room through the open window aiming at the drain pipe opening. Jackie Chan eat your heart out!!! This move eluded you for years and now I have the commercial rights to it! Martial arts comedies will never be the same without it, so start dialing Jackie (OK, I kinda of hyperventilated for a moment there, so let's change paragraph for no apparent reason, LOL!).

We would need a star plumber to fix all this up in an acceptable manner but none was to be sighted on Sunday...

After such extreme sports action which had me grasping for a pen to write my will, just in case, the merry couple of no gooders switched on the radiators to dry things up, fooled around on their laptops to restore heart rate to normal levels and then collapsed onto the bed. Yep, such a romantic Sunday morning that was... Ah the memories of... yesterday are still with me to this day:).

Then Monday morning came and the star plumber arrived in all his water crusading glory... OK, we had a couple of hiccups and he tripped a lot but he got the job done. I am a few euros short but a lot drier, bless him:).

Hope you cracked a smile or two, till next time, take care!

Friday, 11 September 2009

"Gamer" : A movie worthy of the GAME OVER screen...

Today, I went to watch the movie "Gamer" in the local multiplex... Oh, what a grave mistake that was... It all started innocently enough when a friend of us ("us" as in the killer combo of DP and woman crazy enough to love DP) called and told us that he was going to watch the movie "Gamer". My gal proposed to join him and although I was aware of the atrocity against the silver screen that I was going to witness I consented. The premise behind this disaster of a film should have supposedly been cool for the videogaming crowd among which I cheerfully place myself (oh, what a badge of honour for the "gamepad challenged ones", to have me among their high scoring ranks indeed..).

I wish this post was about a fun game and not a crap movie but beggars can't be choosers:) . Still, "PRESS START", you know you want do (why is that, is beyond me though, LOL!)

The basic story was that, in the not so distant future, sexless losers control other people sentenced to death row, in a multiplayer on-line game called "Slayers". As, you can judge from the title of the game, it isn't about psychotic death penaltying geezers exchanging cookie recipes or kniting designs but about on-line fighters blowing eachother to bits in the hope that they are going to be released from prison one day. And so the movie began with such nauseating editing it made the Bourne Supremacy directing look like Wall-E. I honestly had a headache by the end of the first half hour (and let's not talk about my urge to go "Splosion man overload" on whoever contributed in creating this crap). Don't get me wrong, big explosions, meat grinded exploding fools and guns lots of guns are cool when done right, but this mess of direction was like a bad trip on hallucinating drugs (and no I don't mean peanut infused M and Ms although, strangely enough, they do have the same effect on me...).

Ah!!! Constipated Gerard mode in action... Hey man, you didn't blow up everything, missed a spot... or a career in the making who knows... Nah, you will bounce back, this isn't "game over" for you yet( couldn't resist the crappy pun though, sorry, heh).

The movie consisted of actors that wrote 'easy paycheck' on their foreheads with Gerard Butler in particular looking baffled and confused as what on earth he was doing in this flick to begin with. Ah, there were so many memorable moments of poor taste in this vomit inducing celluloid "gem" that I will only provide a couple of examples here (after all I want my readers dangerously entertained.but not uttetly lobotomized): Example number 1: A sweaty half naked uber-fat guy was controlling a babe on-line and another guy was controlling a virtual sex maniac wearing latex...And those two virtual breathing avatars were about to get it on in what must be the most ridiculously camp scene ever

Then, Gerard Butler entered into the room and broke the sex maniac in half... Smooth Gerard, real smooth... Basically, most of the movie was about this actor breaking other people in half, or shooting them to bits, or (example number 2) taking a leak and vomiting into an ethanol propelled car to fill its reservoir... Oh yes, who needs alternative power sources when you can take a piss, after downing a bottle of vodka, and apparently make a hybrid car move... By that point, the whole audience was either out with the torches and the pitchforks OR plain numb from disbelief at what it had just witnessed. Did I mention that the bad guy, (the looney one out of the Dexter TV series) welcomed the 'hero' of the flick in his mansion, singing and dancing to the "I got you under my skin" song... I mean LOL... and extra LOL and hyper LOL with sugar on top or what!!!

When this is the best scene in the movie, you know you are in the wrong movie... OR maybe the best movie ever made... (incoming slipper from girlfriend, time to dodge, damn that woman has good aim, perfect headshot...ouch!).

I am sure the wacko who made this movie had a lot of money to spare, wanted to pass some sort of weirdo message about on-line communities and how dangerous new technologies can become if not handled right, or had just 'puffed the red dragon' a tad too much. I mean let's face it, naked women tits were flying left and right simply because the 'gamers' of the world are apparently sex crazed individuals lacking the real deal and praying to the gods of youporn, for some Megan Fox lookalike to break into their rooms and f... their brains out. In retrospect, I'd rather had watched "The Running Man" with the "Governator" in the lead role ,once again ,which had convicts in yellow tracksuits trying to survive the killers of a TV show (which sounds equally ridiculous but who cares, I am fighting a lost cause here, LOL!). Ah, the classics folks, don't mess with the classics... Oh well, at least I got a "healthy" portion of nachos with melted cheese into my dieting stomach and felt a lot better about the echoes of my departed cash shouting "SUCKER!" from the distance...

Ah, Arnold, you were half decent back then... and then you got elected:)

Till next time, take care all!

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Keeping things simple, a personal maddening paradox...

For yours truely keeping things simple was never a character trait... Be it personal relationships, job hunting, hobbies or whatever else you fancy, I was never one to live today like there is no tomorrow. There had to be some plan, or hint of a plan or even an illusion of a plan that would echoe a more longterm approach. In some sense, this is still the case but to be honest it hasn't been the way it used to. My gal would teasingly say that I am a Capricorn, thus I plan for plan's sake but being the imbecilic fool that take pride in admitting to be, I beg to differ with this simplified 'supernatural' version. In other words, why bother with the PG version of things when you can opt for a hefty R or even M rating?

It doesn't get much more M- rated than that... Run Splosion buddy, run:).

So, yeah there is a plan of sorts somewhere around my peanut sized brain but it doesn't define my actions anymore. You see, part of the reason I am glad to have reached my current hyper-looney albeit 'vegetabilic' (die english language, die, I will kill you with my non-existing ridiculous words, LOL!) condition is that I am living my life oblivious to personal restraints of any sort that used to impair my evolution as an individual('personal evolution' eh? Oh that was so futuristic from a linguistic point of view, it almost brough a tear to my eye...almost...). I can "cut" the simplicity of my actions out of thin air, it is practically all around me. It is evident in what I do for living, in the videogames I am playing, in the honesty of my feelings towards my loved ones, it is in fact quite liberating. Now before this post turns into a ridiculous self absorbing blissful mess (oopps too late for that...), let's present an example of simplicity for simplicity's sake. And what better realm to dig to, from the inexplicably complicated world of videogames...

I think I finally 'lost my head' with this post... What on earth am I talking about? LOL!

For most women or non-gaming losers seeing a gamepad up close and personal is a frightening experience... So, many sticks and buttons can cause practically a headache to the uninitiated just by looking at them. Imagine playing one of modern games with the many button combinations and fast reflexes required... Oh the learning curve is steep ladies and gentlemen and the horror permeating your every pore is justified, just thinking about it (or not... LOL!).Have no fear though, because even a gaming veteran such as myself has a soft spot for simplicity in his gaming diet. And the name of the simple stuff is SPLOSION MAN!!! (top marks for the made up word to the developers of the game, I love torturing the english language as well guys).The premise of the game is simple: you are a wacked up experiment escaping from an underground lab and you have to ex(s)plode(actually if I put "s" first the word miraculously becomes "sexplode", hmmm... kinky...) your way out of there taking as many scientists to their biotech maker as you can. Now, I am a bioscientist and I should opt for my cartoonish colleagues but I am also DP and there is no fun in rooting for the biofreaks. So, "off with their heads" I say!!! The gameplay is simple enough using only a couple of buttons and it is really cartoonishly funny (for someone with my sense of humour anyway, other sane people call this "silly" I've heard...). Basically, the main character explodes his way through the levels( I am sure a lot of pissed off workers out there have thought of doing the same around the bosses sometime or another...or maybe that is just me, LOL!!!).

Ah, little flamey looney Splosion man, noone Splodes quite like you (oh that pun was so bad... I LOVE IT!).

As time management in my life becomes more essential with every passing day, I try to keep things simple just to make my life easier.It doesn't always work but when it does I sleep better these days... Ah, let me be carefree now that I can, my invisible minions of readers, and let's see how long it will last.Not long enough, I am sure... (bummer, LOL!).

Till next time, take care!

Friday, 24 July 2009

Random thoughts of blank importance....

Damn that title sounds intelligent even if I say so only myself. It is so damn hard to write about nothing in particular and come up with something that sounds coolish. So, this is a post about random things perplexing my life at the moment, hang on dudes and dudetes...

I guess the fact that I finished this game won't do anything for my CV's credentials but I couldn't resist the b-movie urge to post this pic purely on b-movie principle:).

On the work front I am almost where I need to be but it is progressing ridiculously slow because of set deadlines beyond my control. Still I will eventually get where I want to be and I am currently undergoing a warm up/ training period. You wouldn't call me fully employed but you wouldn't call me unemployed either, LOL! It is all a matter of perspective after all. Oh, and CALISTA, that thing you mentioned about me getting immersed in a bio lab, it is coming, so you might as well lock yourself up in a nuclear banker because who knows what I am going to unleash once I begin meddling with DNA:).

Step aside from the test tubes DP... slowly...:).

On the personal life front, I am pretty content and as much in love with my girl as day one(yeah, there was a woman out there that can tolerate my non-sense after all). Furthermore, we have started making some changes to our humble household beginning with the purchase of new bedroom furniture which looks cool and awesome and, and... basically serves all the right purposes kinky and non-kinky ones... I don't know what will follow but our common life proceeds as good as can be expected and in September we will have reached 2 years together,not bad eh? (of course there is a ton of macho malarchy induced men that would beg to differ but who cares, LOL!).

...bedroom testing in progress:).

On the videogaming front (I can sense Muse, Calista, Zhu and all other female readers taking a nap at this point) I just finished House of the Dead : Overkill on Wii and all I have to say is... B-Movie Extreme Extravaganza doesn't get much cooler than that!!! If you like the B-movie vibe of low budget fims with crappy cheesy dialogue that do not take themselves too seriously,then you are going to enjoy this. Pretty short game, the gameplay is repetitive, as all House of the Dead games but who cares... The coolness checklist is there... Zombie shooting CHECK. Ridiculously funny and profane story CHECK. Did I mention Zombie shooting? Oh yeah, CHECK!!! Pretty short game though, so either borrow or rent (otherwise I am gonna laugh like Joker on crack over your credit card bill coming next month).

Her name is Varla Guns... Need I say more, male population of the world:)?

On the summer vacation front things are more or less preset... This being my first year in the beautiful isle of Crete there are so many places to go and enjoy at this time of the year, I will rarely move my ass away from the place. I am thoroughly enjoying my staying here and I sincerely recommend it as a vacation destination to people that haven't had the luck to visit the island. Come on Google it up, you know you want to:).A week ago, I had a bit of a tour to Northern Greece involving a lot of fun with fav relatives, witnessing an extremely traditional greek wedding (no Nia Vardalos filming crew in sight so do not fret true believers) and having an overall blast of a time. For a week, we were constantly changing places of accomodation and meeting many people I think my brain kinda of overloaded from the vast data input. Oh, well nothing new there:).

Bloody DP is working the hell out of me... slow down man... I am the only brain you got!!!

On the blogging front, this was more a proof of blogging life than a post... Besides who has the stamina to blog, with the temperature so high at this time of the year. With more inspiration will come new blog posts but till then, it will have to wait.

Take care all and see you around!

Monday, 29 June 2009

Why are you still blogging you anachronistic freak?!

I am sure you have all noticed it... It permeates the once thick blogless atmosphere of times past... Oh, bloggers where art thou? Blogs are closing down with alarming (or high pleasing, I am sure you have you seen the crap that was out there at the peak of the 'sport') rate. I check my links at the right hand column and they ooze defunct from their godforsaken URLs. The number of comments in even the most prominent blogs has tanked beyond any foreseeable redemption and the monster of... Twitter has raised its igly head until the next trend comes out. It is 'lazyman's blogging' for the uninitiated and all the better for it if you ask me. I mean there were so many blogs out there at one time and so many of them were so utterly crap, made from people that can't tell their 'B's from their 'C's. Yet, they made a blog because 'everyone was doing it'. And when the damn thing reached saturation point, when even cats and dogs were blogging their nonsense out, it was evident that the decline was not far away.

Is blogging really 'dead' or it is all a big cartoon conspiracy? LOL!!!

Still... a handful of us keep blogging, maybe not as regularly as we used to but our blogs remain alive for some uncanny reason. Virtual relics of dying ways of internet interpersonal interaction or persisting pioneering doofooses? Either way it is evident that the flare for the 'sport' has gone. Personally, blogging served a purpose of sorts in a time where my life was in between choices and non-choices. A way out of thinking about the 'serious stuff' all the time.And laughing hard at the face of every day's continuously looping habits I did. Now, I stand quite indifferent at the sport with not much personal investment in the sense that I don't really put much time in creating the blog entries or to visit other people's blogs. Yet, I keep feeling a strange sense of 'obligation' to keep my two blogs going, more because they are a part of me and remind me of what was and how life has changed for me since their inception and during the course of their life.

So apparently, old school bloggers are sort of 'undead' with a killer on-line twist... Oh, yes, you can't put a mouthy fool like myself down that easy, you Twitting beast!!! LOL!!!

Which brings me to the main question of this blog entry... Why does each one of you keep blogging? Does this habbit serve the same purpose as it once used to for you? What was the original motivation for kickstarting your blogaddiction and where do you stand with blogging at the moment? Come on fellow blogging madmen and madwomen of the bloggosphere, share your insightful lunacy with the rest of us!

And with those wise words, I end this non-post and await your replies with great interest and curiousity.

Take care all!

P.S. : TOP RIGHT, relative poll, vote!!! Nuff said, LOL!!! Yeah, I know I am subtle like that, ha,ha,ha!!!

Saturday, 23 May 2009

What Deadpool thinks of the Wolverine movie...

I may have the blog, I may be called Deadpoolite and be the zanier comic book inspired blogger, however there is a reason I don't use Deadpool's name as a nickname... somebody got it before me, f*@ing bastard!!! Now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, let's diss out some verbal punishment towards the way of the Wolverine live action movie starring his uber coolness Mr. Hugh Jackman. Don't get me wrong, I like Hugh's depiction of Wolvie as much as the next guy but being a DP fan I wanted predominantly to see how his silver screen debut came along. And "see" I did... But why bother you with my own sorry drivel when his mock-ajesty Mr Deadpool himself is once again among us. Without further ado let's begin this interview that will rock the world of the minions of my invisible yet loyal readers...Major spoilers coming your way, but trust me I am doing you a favour:

Deadpoolite(DL): Hello, my 2-Dimensional Merc with a mouth, how ya doing?
Deadpool(DP): Shut up and shut up!!!
DL: Always the charmer I see... So, I reckon that you have watched the Wolverine movie then, right?
DP: Yeah, I watched up until Ryan Reynolds shut his pup for good...
DL: But that was like 15 mins into the movie!!!
DP: Best 15 mins of my life!
DL: So, how faithful were they to the character of DP almighty then?
DP: If you take aside the fact that I am profficient both in guns and swords which they didn't show, that I have a healing factor which was AOL until my (DP puking in his mouth...) "transformation", I have a full body Spiderman rip-off costume that was nowhere to be seen and that I never shut up, while in the movie I was speechless for most of it, I think they "nailed" it real good...
DL: So would you call it a faithful transfer of your awesomeness from page to celluloid?
DP: What the hell is "celluloid"?
DL: Nothing contagious I assure you...
DP: Don't mess with me boy or I swear to the divine flavour of M and Ms and taco bells that I will have your head!!!
DL: If that is going to bring me any more readers I am ready to pay the price!

What is...

DP: Hey, I am a hitman not a miracle worker... I mean seriously you got a DP themed blog, I am like marginally B-list behind spoiled A-listers: Weblooney Spidey, Green beans Hulkie and Iron "Magnetism intolerant" Man. Heck, even Blade got like 3 movies of his own... How do you expect to get any readership with my ugly mug all over the place?
DL: It is a risk I am willing to take...
DP: Hey, it is your google-analytics funeral dude, leave me out of your wet fantasy of dominating the bloggosphere and all your readers being gorgeous babes worshipping you...
DL: Damn, busted... Anyhow, back to the movie, what did you think of yourself in it?
DP: Well, mistake number 1 they shut me up... I mean OK I had all these cool powers and Wolverine was like toast but a guy on a PC was controlling me typing on MSN messenger I mean that is low...
DL: So, you lost the battle because of MSN lag then?
DP: Damn Microsoft servers, if only I could change my head into a smiley of some sort they would have never decapitated me, I mean it is a common known fact that everyone likes smileys...

What was for 15 minutes or so...

Voice heard from a distance... "All except two..."

DL (Shouting): Noted dudes!
DP: Who was that?
DL: Just the voices in my head nothing to worry about...
DL: So how about the rest of the movie, was there any redeeming quality at all in it?
DP: Blob was fat, Gambit was ridiculous, that pretty much sums it up...
DL: That's it?
DP:Yeah, I suppose it does. I was too busy eating Doritos with cheese to notice. Hugh Jackman was okay, I genuinely believe that he thought this movie was a good idea...
DL: You said "genuine", man your vocabulary is getting better you must be getting soft...
DP: Just a minor side effect of digesting your verbal crap...

DL: What about the rest of the cast?
DP: The Sabretooth dude was having fun but I am not sure he knew why, the rest of the cast died too soon or were sleepwalking throughout the movie which is always good when you want to hit the toilet during a movie...
DL: Did you go many times to the toilet during Wolverine?
DP: Man, I never left the toilet...

And what we ended up with...

DL: Ok then, on the issue of the scriptwriters shutting you up 15 mins into the movie what did you think?
DP:Off with their heads I say!!! That was sacriligiously blasphemous, I mean I had so much wackiness to share and then they went, temporarily killed me off (off-screen as well) and then reanimate me with my mouth shut... A fate worst than death... I really hoped my healing factor would fail me at that point but the Hollywood gods were not merciful with me... Damn bastards!!!

DL: Last couple of questions DP, ready for them?
DP: Sure, who cares your blog can't sink any lower readership wise ,so why not give it it's final death blow... I aim to please you see...
DL: Do you want Ryan Reynolds to play you in an upcoming full blown ultra hyper Deadpool spin off movie?
DP(in teenage girl voice): Ryyyaaannnn, oh I love him so much!!! Go Ryan, here take my underwear!!!
DL(holding my nose): Pffff, man you need to wash more...
DP: Personal hygiene is highgly overrated... Either you agree or I instantly decapitate you!
DL(making victory sign with both hands): You are da man DP!!!
DP: Don't you just love democracy...

It better be...

DL: And now for the final question...
DP: ...
DL: What will happen if the scriptwriters shut you up again in your own movie this time...?
DP: I think that learning to write using their feet is a fantastic skill that they should definitely try since it will become a necessity... Besides, I will be above their heads at all times giving them my *ahem* "creative input". You know use their asses for target practice with my Piranha darts, constantly make jokes about their penises, the works... Ah, that will get them going I am sure. Nothing like a good old motivation strategy DP style I assure you...
DL: That is that then thank you for joining this ridiculous fictional interview that never happened...
DP: Hey man, it is your brain and your insanity, I am just glad I was in for the ride. Now shut up and shut up!!!

Deadpool Animation Pictures, Images and Photos
Beating some sense into the "movie abomination DP(?)" was a dirty job but someone had to do it:).

And just like that DP vanished into my wacky subconcious leaving a trail of rotten taco bell smell behind him...

Hope you cracked a smile or two, take care all!

Monday, 11 May 2009

Dead Rising, oh save system where art thou?

Sales to die for...

As you all probably know I am an avid videogamer: 1) When the mood strikes me, 2) When I got the time, 3) Can't remember what I wanted to write in spot 3 but you are still reading this, so you probably have way too much free time in your hands anyway. In all my time spent inside videogaming worlds of various quality and sense ("sense?" What was that all about? A momentary involentarily lapse into logic it seems... hmmm worrying isn't it...)there is one unanimous concept that makes a smile light my nearly perfect face ('nearly' just because I am modest you see): "Killing zombies is good!". I mean what is not to like: "They are dumb, they attack me so it is definitely self defense and they are already dead! Thus, finishing them off is practically an act of mercy since I essentially return them back 'home' being the gaming humanitarian that I am" . If you have ever heard a more wacky rationalization of videogaming on-screen violence I will eat M and Ms until I burst or take their colour (which would make my life highly unpleasant or full of potential and opportunity respectively, LOL! I am a man of ambition after all... LOL!). Now, before you lose what little sense you got left in you dear readers, I will move in for the kil.... I mean I will proceed to the (preferrably undead) meat of this post.

Ah, my adoring blogging fans... Can't wait to read the rest of the post... Who would have thought they would reach such extremes to 'eat' my words of wacky wisdom:).

Once upon a time there was a game called "Dead Rising" and let me tell you it wasn't about impotent old geezers that were feasting on tons of Viagra and had their "deads" "up" and looking for "action"(which would make for a true survival horror game conceptually, come to think of it, LOL!). This game was about zombies in a Shopping Mall, much like the 'Dawn of the Dead' movie(and I am talking about the old movie where zombies were overtaken by turtles speedwise and not about the recent remake where zombies could easily outrun Usain Bolt ). The story of the game begins with the player taking control of the photojournalist Frank West (what a rare and strange name... NOT!). The guy lands in the middle of a zombie infested Mall and the objective is to survive in the place for 3 days until the pilot comes back to pick him up. In the meantime, Frank's "diet of choice" is simple: find out what is going on, take pictures of anything remotely interesting or not and mow down zombies using anything he can get his hands on (excluding killer stileto heels ladies, some "weapons" are better left untouched my male hands...) in the store!!! Now, conceptually this game is a wannabe zombie killer's wet dream of sorts since your choice of weapons include things like a lawnmower machine, chainsaws, swords, bowling balls, CDs and anything you can get your hands on. Literally, if you can pick something up, it can kill a zombie somehow. So then, the game is cool for satisfying the amateur sadist that we all have deep within (or is that just me... damn... here I come baring my insane soul to the masses once more, LOL!).

A fine specimen of the deranged gallery of human psychos that had holed up in the Mall during the zombie outbreak... Ah, the shopping mall, such a warm and welcoming place...:).

So, now that I have established that the game is an orgy of twisted fun let's see where it all went downhill. And when I say downhill, I mean lower than an undead's dress sense and self esteem and that is officially as LOW as it gets!!! The game's main story is structured as case files much like the episodes of a TV series where certain events need to be completed by a certain time limit. If time permits, there are lots of side missions to keep busy (all of them suitably bloody I assure ya, so this is no game for the vegetarians among you). The problem is that the time frame is too strict and if you fail to finish one scenario by the required time the game ends... And let me tell you all the horror I had unleashed as a progressively deranged Frank West in the Mall hadn't prepared me for the horror I was about to face near the end of the game. After making my way through the hordes of the undead via impeccable stylish morally ambiguous ways, and near the completion of the game, I beat the final bad guy and I was on my way to watch the finale... Only, it didn't happen... I had passed the time limit by a fuck.... up minute so the game ended abruptly!!! Let me tell you how that feels after a total sum of 12-15 hours of gaming... IT SUCKS!!! My gamepad fell on the floor, followed by my jaw and the rest of me followed soon after... If I ever structurally resembled one of the undead this was the time... After being pieced together by my half bepuzzled, half bemused girlfriend I realised that I had to replay the WHOLE GAME to reach the finale... And all of this because dear frigging CAPCOM(as in the company who made the game...) had placed only one save slot in the game, so if that was fucked... you were fucked... which makes for a neat little fucked up package come to think of it....

The "betrayal" of the game's save system was too much to bare. So I kinda lost my head...:). That was just a flesh wound in my videogaming psyche though, soon I would be back, head attached and all, h(a)ngry for more:).

Having avoided the stroke from the realization that I wasted 12-15 hours of my life playing a game with the most ridiculous save system ever, I restarted the game and marched through the undead(literally THROUGH the undead I assure you...LOL!) with a fury that the popculture universe hasn't seen since the rage of avid Star Wars fans towards Jar Jar Binks back in the days of the "Phantom Menace" (and I heard that was pretty bad... or so the geek legend says, hahaha). After around 10 hours I finished the game getting one of the crappiest finales available but that didn't matter... I had prevailed VS the twisted corporal stupidity of a videogame developer that made a really good videogame with ONE KILLER FLAW... A save system so badly designed, a zombie would have made a better job creating it for sure... As I put my gamepad on the floor, I grinned with glee. The Deadpoolite VS Capcom contest had ended with DP the winner, it was no contest really:). With those final thoughts I passed out, equally affected by the realization of my stupidity in persisting with this game and pure kinky exhaustion... It wouldn't be the first time and it definitely won't be the last...

And here comes the sequel... better fix that save system Capcom...or else:).

Hope you cracked a smile or two with this twisted tale of videogaming madness:).

Till next time, take care all!

Thursday, 9 April 2009

A post from the Bronze side of life...

The anger of my presumably abandoned readers knows no bounds... Ouch!!!

You wouldn't exactly call me a prolific blogger these days. In fact I would go as far as to say that: "I don't blog anymore...". But then again, who am I kidding, that wouldn't be true and I am too stubborn to let this glorious blog of mine die. So, regardless if this is a blog seemingly hooked on "blogsupport" until it's wacky owner gives it some TLC, it is still damn active. Now, wipe out the single tear coming down your cheek from the excitement that you won't be losing DP anytime soon, get a grip of yourselves! After all, this blog entry has to look like a proper post ,so we might as well act like it. It is a little arrangement I call "blogspiracy".

This madeup word is trademark of DP limited, whoever uses it from now on has to face the wrath of some moneysucking lawyers working for his majesty's the DP the wacky (oh crap, just remembered, I can't afford a single lawyer, ok I'll do the talking in the upcoming trial then... a sure way for the other side to win of course, LOL!).

(ALWAYS READ THE SMALLPRINT). All I would have to do would be to appear in the trial wearing ONLY this and the victory in the courtroom would be mine muhahaha!!! Oh who am I kidding, I would be doomed from day one, so I won't sue after all for the "blogspiracy" copyright. Back to the drawing board to make some quick cash then...:).

The title of my post refers to my new laptop the mighty HP Pavillion 5 - 1299dev ev plus. Now why is it 'mighty' you may ask, to which I would kindly reply : "Because it is MY laptop dammit!!! Ah, the nerve of some people:)". Now I won't tire you with technical jargon about it but it looks pretty cool I have to say. The defining feature of it aesthetically is that it is bronze in colour, thus partially the infamous title of my post. By chance or fate, on the same day, my girlfriend came with me to buy a new mobile phone since her old one has drawn its terminal breath (it has been doing so for months now so spare a used lithium battery for the old bugger will ya...?). Since my gal is all about taking beautiful quality pictures (as in pictures that I am not in then, LOL!!! Just joking people heh! ) she opted to leave her beloved -entering sarcasm- NOKIA and go with Sony Ericsson. And her "weapon of choice" was Sony Ericsson C905. And so we went to the shop to make our virtual dreams come true and feast upon the purchase of new gadgets. I dare you to find me one person in the bloggosphere that could make what is essentially 'buying stuff" sound so cool and out there. Any candidate then? Nah, didn't think so...:).Off to the actual trip to the gadget shop then...

Hello, handsome... Oh the fun we are going to have together:). Not THAT fun you amateur perverts!!! Hey, it is NEW and BRONZE,what's not to like:).

As we entered the high tech realm of credit card genocide one thing was for sure, we wouldn't leave the place empty handed. As the master tacticians of consumerism that we are, we approached our individual preys with caution. Yes, our finances would die in this place of high pricing but they wouldn't go down without a fight. As my girlfriend was surrounding the woman responsible for selling mobile phones I focused my attentions on the laptop of choice. This laptop was part of a larger deal including ΗP Officejet all-in-one, a laptop case and the ink cartridges for the aforementioned behemoth. A pretty sweet deal if I say so myself. However, the 'eyes of the hunter' noticed that the model number on the package was different from the model number on the stand and thus the dialogue with the shop assistant began:

Deadpoolite (DP): Hey, this is a different laptop than the one on the stand I was interested in!

Shop Assistant (SP): There are only minor differences (which was true but who cares I had to make him work for it, LOL!!!)

DP: But I was told that it is the same laptop (featuring my almighty "whiny call of doom" in the vocal department).

SP: This is a better overall deal.Besides you can't expect both of them to have exactly the same price, it doesn't make sense!

DP: Hey, it is YOUR pricing policy it ain't my problem (deadpan delivery I assure you).

SP: But this deal is well worth your money and the difference is minimal between the two laptops.

DP: I will be the judge of that...

SP: Do you have a problem with us then?

DP: Nope, no problem at all just making conversation...(and toying with ya but you'll never know, LOL!)

SP: ...

After all the 'foreplay' it was time to go and pay for the thing since I had enough of his pony tail crapiness. I mean what guy dons a pony tail these days ? Only washed up male rockers and porn stars... He was neither, so what was his excuse:). At least I tortured him a bit which made the outflow of cash feel a bit more tender...

Respect the tail...or NOT:). The only man that can(?) get away with a pony tail it seems. Which actually, come to think of it, proves the point that a male pony tail is simply WRONG!!! Don't do it people, stay away from the tail, go the barber's or something:).

At the meantime my girlfriend had other life changing decisions to make... The ultimate dilemma was: Black or Bronze ( ah those "earthshattering life decisions" are so cool ain't they, LOL!) since the silver /white combo she had originally picked was not available in store. "Babe..." she told me, "I will go for the Bronze one.It seems there is no escape from this colour today..." she concluded merilly. After she had paid her dues at the cashier's and took a bow of eternal commitment and devotion to her new mobile phone, we both took our Bronzastic gadgets and headed for the car. "Hey, it could be worse" I thought, "they could have everything available only in pink which is a crime punishable by death for every self-respected gadget".Mind you, I am sure my gal begs to differ on that one:).

The bronzastic phone my gal got. Looks pretty slick in all its B-R-O-N-Z-E glory (oh shut up DP will ya!!!).

Till next time, take care all!

Sunday, 8 February 2009

A hotel on the verge of the twilight zone(Part 2 - Finale)...

Since I wasn't about to put my mom in detention like a modern day Quasimodo, I opted to give her 'the crappy big room' instead of 'the crappy little room' (you see a pattern in there somewhere don't ya now? LOL). As for the merry couple it would have to do with the doll house sized room for the night and hope that claustrophobia is not something you catch overnight. As DP and redheaded godess fell asleep on the narrowest of beds that night, I couldn't shake the notion that if we woke up in one piece, come next morning , a duet act in mind boggling circus acrobatics would not be too unrealistic a choice as a future joined career goal. And so the next morning came... Oh and what a glorious morning it was, with the merry couple waking up in some uncharacteristic angle at eachother that I wasn't even sure it was anatomically possible before that night. Ah, 'DP the human Play-doh'... Yep, I am sure you can see the business potential in there somewhere, the cool brand name, the licensed crappy action figures, the works. Personally, I was too busy telling my body parts from my gal's, trying to get up without causing any major irreversible injuries at eachother... Confident that a night inside an iron maiden would be preferable to another night on THAT bed, we dragged our carcasses down to the hotel reception.

A room where moving around and remaining in one piece was an artform by itself...:). Geez, who built this place? Some clan of evil dwarfs with illusions of grandeur maybe...

However, prior to requesting some mercy...ahem... I mean some other room from the receptionist the couple needed brain fuel (also called 'breakfast' in more sane blogs, the nerve of some people...HAH!!!). And thus the pair of hungry savages sat down in the breakfasting area hoping for some much needed nourishment, only to be met with a cup of coffee and a cup of coffee and ....wait a minute THAT WAS IT!!! They told us it was Sunday and there was some 'lack of (incoming BS) personnel', followed by more BS that was too incomprehensible for the couple's hungry minds( and not 'hungry for knowledge' let me tell ya... LOL). I swear my train of thought was in the lines of " DP slept bad, DP ate nothing, DP demolish!!!" like some kind of wacked out Hulk red clone. However, since 'demolishing' and 'unleashing the wacky monster to the masses' burns calories and I had none to spare I swallowed what was left of my pride and crawled to the reception area with a single thought in mind: "Must eat receptionist!!!". Eh, sorry that was the Uncut version of this post, I meant: "Must change room!!!". Yeah, that's more gentlemanish I suppose... And so we practically landed on the reception area staring desperately at the grinning receptionist. I swear if they had a paper stand instead of a human, noone would have noticed the difference in the sucker's face. He had that mechanical cyborgy look that most receptionists have and for a moment there I thought I was in some sort of cheap Terminator rip off. In fact, I am sure if he WAS The Terminator there would be only one directive in his programming: "Must terminate client's VISA! Must terminate client's VISA".

How much was I paying for those rooms again? Run VISA, run and save yourself from the horrible, horrible fate of infinite overdraft:).

After some uneventful banter between dozed off couple and receptionist and with surprisingly minimal fuss , DP issued the main request of the day: "
That little room you gave us is suitable only for LEGO sized people. Could we actually switch to a room made for real sized people were turning in the room doesn't require a perfect 10 in gymnastics?". After processing the information for a whole second (a new personal best I am sure), the receptionist replied with a dry : "But of course, here is the key!". To be honest after the uncomfortable first night I had a bit of a surreal feel about the whole place and my gal was not feeling much different. I took the key with equal measures of content and shall I say fear... I mean who knew what dangers actually lurked in the 'dungeons' of the new room. As we went up on the second floor and I was about to turn the key, my girlfriend grabbed my already shaky hand. "Let's do this together!" , she said and we turned the key expecting the worst. The door opened slowly in one of those neverending moments in life, when you need to reach some sense of closure but the process takes just too damn long and time seems to freeze.

Did I really want to open that door? Ah who am I kidding "no guts no glory"! Enough with the damn wacky warcries let's open the blasted door and succumb to the 'awesomeness' of absolute bad taste... or better let's NOT:).

As the door was finally wide open, we were bathed in the while light of a hotel room that didn't suck beyond belief! Now that was unexpected to say the least. After picking up our proverbial jaws from the floor, we thoroughly examined the premises for traces of alien DNA. Surely, this decent room that graced our peripheral eye sight could not have been man-made and did not belong in this sorry excuse of a hotel... Either that or the current time warping antics of the LOST series had finally caught up with us and we had been transferred to a time and place when the hotel in question was actually a half-DECENT hotel. The room was well lit, expertly decorated with a lot of refined wooden old style furniture that gave it a distinct, consistent and dare I say cool look!!! Being a sucker for the 'good son routine' I arranged for my mother to get the proper 'non-biohazardous room' and leave the merry couple to occupy the 'post-apocalyptic Mad Max' themed room. That night, as Merc and redheaded godess lied down on a PROPER bed made for humans, prior to falling asleep I couldn't help but wonder that I was either living a day in the twilight zone or had been terribly miscast in a David Lynch movie and noone had bothered to tell me about it...

The David Lynch hotel such a welcoming and "ordinary" place:).

Till next time, take care all!

Thursday, 22 January 2009

A hotel on the verge of the twilight zone(Part 1)...

It all started innocently enough... You know the drill, sick relative in the hospital, booking room in the nearest possible hotel regardless of price and level of service, the works. As my girlfriend and I arrived in front of the hotel in question, a sudden breeze of wind messed up my gal's red hair a little. Perhaps an ominous sign of unholy things to come (man, can I possibly get any more camp in this blog, 'unholy things to come', geez where do I find this stuff...). I lifted my head and saw the sign of the hotel hanging above our heads, the inscription read "Hotel Elizabeth" (how utterly gay...)."What a cliched and ordinary name" I pondered, "top marks for originality guys" my train of thought concluded('train of thought', shit this has started sounding like a bad Jane Austin novel rip off, a really bad one as well) .

He is not THAT guy but he could really be THAT guy, I am sure you know what I mean. There must be a biotech factory or something cloning these people, either that or alien invasion has started and they want to drain our cash first using this grinning lot.

After such amazing deductive thinking, the couple of adventurers entered in the building and walked towards the 'as uneventful as they come' reception area. Precictably enough, the receptionist greeted us in that cliched, run of the mil, forcibly jokey tone that all receptionists greet 'new cash' ('seem polite 101' at its best). Visually, the reception area looked surprisingly decent and that can only mean one thing, rooms must be decent to... Yeah right, perhaps in an alternate universe... The booking was for two rooms: one for the happy -go- lucky couple and the other for Deadpoolite's glorious mum (you can't help but respect the force of nature that is THIS greek mum, so I will shut up about it now and won't reveal her secret superpowers). The receptionist gave us THAT look , you know the one that means ,"everything is going to be alright...NOT!" and handed over the keys to our hotel absolution. I grabbed the keys grinning in the sense "I know I am paying more than I should in this place, so lose the gay attitude will ya and let's get this over with". Amazing thing what they eyes can say sometimes isn't it ? LOL!!! After formalitites were done and dusted, it was time to move upstairs...

No knight came to our rescue when we started ascending towards the great unknown of our accomodation. We were fighting a lost battle alright, we just didn't know it yet:).

In that respect, Merc and redheaded godess gathered their respective carcasses and ascended to the great unknown of their temporary accomodation comprised of one double bedroom and one single bedroom. Upon opening door number 1 we were treated to a single bedroom that was a dream come true for claustrophobic people. I swear, you needed to be an olympic gymnast just to move around in that room without tripping and losing all dignity landing head first every single time. The bed was right in the middle of the room and occupied like 2/3 of the available space and it was as narrow as is required for a matchstick sized dwarf to sleep in. The bathroom was an ideal gas chamber but not a bathroom, so it they ever make another one of those Hellraiser movies, look no further than this place for setting the mood.Oh, the miracles of internet hotel booking never cease to amaze me:).So, what was the unanimous verdict on this room, great for hobbits, bad for people. Yep, that sums it up quite nicely alright.

I needed to have the picture of a decent hotel room here at this very spot. I just had to do it...:).

After squizzing out of the single room, it was time to check out the double room and see if there was anything redeeming about this hotel or hotel apocalypse was inevitable after all. Armed with courage and having conducted all the available vaccination prior to entering, the merry couple dragged their sorry asses into the double room. For starters the room was indeed 'double' which was a big hit with fans as you can expect, LOL! However, the whole look of the place was not particularly 'welcoming'. Let me elaborate on that one. The room had a distinct washed out look, as if someone was a huge Silent Hill videogame fan and thought it would be a cool idea to go full monty with the whole 'spooky room concept' just to cheer up the customers (please guys, try LESS, next time). The people who envisioned the awesomeness of this room's design (probably under the influence of something majorly toxic, hallucinogenic and bad all over...) seemed to have a distinct colour blinding disease or a level of poor taste that rivals that of my readers choice of blog reads (take your pick, LOL!).

Don't go there, it was bad... I (ar)rest my case on both movie and rooms:).

This amalgam of anarchic decoration to the point of 'extinction of good taste' hasn't been captured on people's imaginations since the Dick Tracey movie (and we all know how THAT one ended up...). Colour combinations were all over the place and I would go as far as to say damaging for my eyesight. In fact, trust me when I say that if it wasn't for my gal's veil of red protective lovelocks, this Marvelite would have gone all out Daredevil instead of Deadpool right there and then( Sonar/radar vision is highly overrated you know...). The furniture of the room did not fare much better since it made the room look more like a junkyard of different styles than any coherent desigh choice (think Cher's dress sense with a roomey twist and you are there...). Having seen both of the available rooms there was only one choice, act or submit, and submit we did alright...

(To be continued and concluded in part 2...)