Thursday, 22 January 2009

A hotel on the verge of the twilight zone(Part 1)...

It all started innocently enough... You know the drill, sick relative in the hospital, booking room in the nearest possible hotel regardless of price and level of service, the works. As my girlfriend and I arrived in front of the hotel in question, a sudden breeze of wind messed up my gal's red hair a little. Perhaps an ominous sign of unholy things to come (man, can I possibly get any more camp in this blog, 'unholy things to come', geez where do I find this stuff...). I lifted my head and saw the sign of the hotel hanging above our heads, the inscription read "Hotel Elizabeth" (how utterly gay...)."What a cliched and ordinary name" I pondered, "top marks for originality guys" my train of thought concluded('train of thought', shit this has started sounding like a bad Jane Austin novel rip off, a really bad one as well) .

He is not THAT guy but he could really be THAT guy, I am sure you know what I mean. There must be a biotech factory or something cloning these people, either that or alien invasion has started and they want to drain our cash first using this grinning lot.

After such amazing deductive thinking, the couple of adventurers entered in the building and walked towards the 'as uneventful as they come' reception area. Precictably enough, the receptionist greeted us in that cliched, run of the mil, forcibly jokey tone that all receptionists greet 'new cash' ('seem polite 101' at its best). Visually, the reception area looked surprisingly decent and that can only mean one thing, rooms must be decent to... Yeah right, perhaps in an alternate universe... The booking was for two rooms: one for the happy -go- lucky couple and the other for Deadpoolite's glorious mum (you can't help but respect the force of nature that is THIS greek mum, so I will shut up about it now and won't reveal her secret superpowers). The receptionist gave us THAT look , you know the one that means ,"everything is going to be alright...NOT!" and handed over the keys to our hotel absolution. I grabbed the keys grinning in the sense "I know I am paying more than I should in this place, so lose the gay attitude will ya and let's get this over with". Amazing thing what they eyes can say sometimes isn't it ? LOL!!! After formalitites were done and dusted, it was time to move upstairs...

No knight came to our rescue when we started ascending towards the great unknown of our accomodation. We were fighting a lost battle alright, we just didn't know it yet:).

In that respect, Merc and redheaded godess gathered their respective carcasses and ascended to the great unknown of their temporary accomodation comprised of one double bedroom and one single bedroom. Upon opening door number 1 we were treated to a single bedroom that was a dream come true for claustrophobic people. I swear, you needed to be an olympic gymnast just to move around in that room without tripping and losing all dignity landing head first every single time. The bed was right in the middle of the room and occupied like 2/3 of the available space and it was as narrow as is required for a matchstick sized dwarf to sleep in. The bathroom was an ideal gas chamber but not a bathroom, so it they ever make another one of those Hellraiser movies, look no further than this place for setting the mood.Oh, the miracles of internet hotel booking never cease to amaze me:).So, what was the unanimous verdict on this room, great for hobbits, bad for people. Yep, that sums it up quite nicely alright.

I needed to have the picture of a decent hotel room here at this very spot. I just had to do it...:).

After squizzing out of the single room, it was time to check out the double room and see if there was anything redeeming about this hotel or hotel apocalypse was inevitable after all. Armed with courage and having conducted all the available vaccination prior to entering, the merry couple dragged their sorry asses into the double room. For starters the room was indeed 'double' which was a big hit with fans as you can expect, LOL! However, the whole look of the place was not particularly 'welcoming'. Let me elaborate on that one. The room had a distinct washed out look, as if someone was a huge Silent Hill videogame fan and thought it would be a cool idea to go full monty with the whole 'spooky room concept' just to cheer up the customers (please guys, try LESS, next time). The people who envisioned the awesomeness of this room's design (probably under the influence of something majorly toxic, hallucinogenic and bad all over...) seemed to have a distinct colour blinding disease or a level of poor taste that rivals that of my readers choice of blog reads (take your pick, LOL!).

Don't go there, it was bad... I (ar)rest my case on both movie and rooms:).

This amalgam of anarchic decoration to the point of 'extinction of good taste' hasn't been captured on people's imaginations since the Dick Tracey movie (and we all know how THAT one ended up...). Colour combinations were all over the place and I would go as far as to say damaging for my eyesight. In fact, trust me when I say that if it wasn't for my gal's veil of red protective lovelocks, this Marvelite would have gone all out Daredevil instead of Deadpool right there and then( Sonar/radar vision is highly overrated you know...). The furniture of the room did not fare much better since it made the room look more like a junkyard of different styles than any coherent desigh choice (think Cher's dress sense with a roomey twist and you are there...). Having seen both of the available rooms there was only one choice, act or submit, and submit we did alright...

(To be continued and concluded in part 2...)


Calista*Was*Here said...

Uncomfortable and scary... and you have to pay for

I particularly liked Cher's dress metaphor :)

Deadpoolite said...

Well I am about to finish the second and final part of this hotel related non-sense. Stay tuned:).