Sunday, 8 February 2009

A hotel on the verge of the twilight zone(Part 2 - Finale)...

Since I wasn't about to put my mom in detention like a modern day Quasimodo, I opted to give her 'the crappy big room' instead of 'the crappy little room' (you see a pattern in there somewhere don't ya now? LOL). As for the merry couple it would have to do with the doll house sized room for the night and hope that claustrophobia is not something you catch overnight. As DP and redheaded godess fell asleep on the narrowest of beds that night, I couldn't shake the notion that if we woke up in one piece, come next morning , a duet act in mind boggling circus acrobatics would not be too unrealistic a choice as a future joined career goal. And so the next morning came... Oh and what a glorious morning it was, with the merry couple waking up in some uncharacteristic angle at eachother that I wasn't even sure it was anatomically possible before that night. Ah, 'DP the human Play-doh'... Yep, I am sure you can see the business potential in there somewhere, the cool brand name, the licensed crappy action figures, the works. Personally, I was too busy telling my body parts from my gal's, trying to get up without causing any major irreversible injuries at eachother... Confident that a night inside an iron maiden would be preferable to another night on THAT bed, we dragged our carcasses down to the hotel reception.

A room where moving around and remaining in one piece was an artform by itself...:). Geez, who built this place? Some clan of evil dwarfs with illusions of grandeur maybe...

However, prior to requesting some mercy...ahem... I mean some other room from the receptionist the couple needed brain fuel (also called 'breakfast' in more sane blogs, the nerve of some people...HAH!!!). And thus the pair of hungry savages sat down in the breakfasting area hoping for some much needed nourishment, only to be met with a cup of coffee and a cup of coffee and ....wait a minute THAT WAS IT!!! They told us it was Sunday and there was some 'lack of (incoming BS) personnel', followed by more BS that was too incomprehensible for the couple's hungry minds( and not 'hungry for knowledge' let me tell ya... LOL). I swear my train of thought was in the lines of " DP slept bad, DP ate nothing, DP demolish!!!" like some kind of wacked out Hulk red clone. However, since 'demolishing' and 'unleashing the wacky monster to the masses' burns calories and I had none to spare I swallowed what was left of my pride and crawled to the reception area with a single thought in mind: "Must eat receptionist!!!". Eh, sorry that was the Uncut version of this post, I meant: "Must change room!!!". Yeah, that's more gentlemanish I suppose... And so we practically landed on the reception area staring desperately at the grinning receptionist. I swear if they had a paper stand instead of a human, noone would have noticed the difference in the sucker's face. He had that mechanical cyborgy look that most receptionists have and for a moment there I thought I was in some sort of cheap Terminator rip off. In fact, I am sure if he WAS The Terminator there would be only one directive in his programming: "Must terminate client's VISA! Must terminate client's VISA".

How much was I paying for those rooms again? Run VISA, run and save yourself from the horrible, horrible fate of infinite overdraft:).

After some uneventful banter between dozed off couple and receptionist and with surprisingly minimal fuss , DP issued the main request of the day: "
That little room you gave us is suitable only for LEGO sized people. Could we actually switch to a room made for real sized people were turning in the room doesn't require a perfect 10 in gymnastics?". After processing the information for a whole second (a new personal best I am sure), the receptionist replied with a dry : "But of course, here is the key!". To be honest after the uncomfortable first night I had a bit of a surreal feel about the whole place and my gal was not feeling much different. I took the key with equal measures of content and shall I say fear... I mean who knew what dangers actually lurked in the 'dungeons' of the new room. As we went up on the second floor and I was about to turn the key, my girlfriend grabbed my already shaky hand. "Let's do this together!" , she said and we turned the key expecting the worst. The door opened slowly in one of those neverending moments in life, when you need to reach some sense of closure but the process takes just too damn long and time seems to freeze.

Did I really want to open that door? Ah who am I kidding "no guts no glory"! Enough with the damn wacky warcries let's open the blasted door and succumb to the 'awesomeness' of absolute bad taste... or better let's NOT:).

As the door was finally wide open, we were bathed in the while light of a hotel room that didn't suck beyond belief! Now that was unexpected to say the least. After picking up our proverbial jaws from the floor, we thoroughly examined the premises for traces of alien DNA. Surely, this decent room that graced our peripheral eye sight could not have been man-made and did not belong in this sorry excuse of a hotel... Either that or the current time warping antics of the LOST series had finally caught up with us and we had been transferred to a time and place when the hotel in question was actually a half-DECENT hotel. The room was well lit, expertly decorated with a lot of refined wooden old style furniture that gave it a distinct, consistent and dare I say cool look!!! Being a sucker for the 'good son routine' I arranged for my mother to get the proper 'non-biohazardous room' and leave the merry couple to occupy the 'post-apocalyptic Mad Max' themed room. That night, as Merc and redheaded godess lied down on a PROPER bed made for humans, prior to falling asleep I couldn't help but wonder that I was either living a day in the twilight zone or had been terribly miscast in a David Lynch movie and noone had bothered to tell me about it...

The David Lynch hotel such a welcoming and "ordinary" place:).

Till next time, take care all!


Muse said...

"That little room you gave us is suitable only for LEGO sized people"

LOL! That is the most hillarious post i've read in awhile. It's funny when you go through it that it's not that funny, but later in retrospect some of these dark and horrid hotels that could only come from a solid slasher film make some the best storytelling and memories. ;)

spideyfan said...

Why is Deadpool wearing Pink?

Deadpoolite said...


Good to know this put a smile on your face:).


If you are referring to the comic panel at the top, it beats me dude ask the Marvel Comics colourist:).

If you refer to something else I don't have a clue what you are talking about. This makes you an ideal reader for this blog since I am all for humourous non-sense. Nice going Spidey fan keep it up:).

whatagem said...

hey deadpoolite! I just wanted to say I appreciate your stopping by my blog now & then; I do believe you are the only regular I have left :-D I haven't got time to blog these days and I usually write to blow off steam. In a few months I will be able to concentrate on my book ideas more seriously & I appreciate your support & that of all the others. Keep on keepin' on, dude

Deadpoolite said...


Oh you know me I am just a big softie:). In any case, I prefer to hang out at blogs that have something unique about them and they are 'personal' indeed, than hover around supposedly enjoyable popular blogging fodder. So yeah, "whatagem rules" and all that cool stuff:).

Take care!

henry said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
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Deadpoolite said...


Welcome to Deadpool's Laughing Den Henry! It was a grave mistake on your behalf to enter this blogging realm but noone is perfect:).

Take care and see you on the funny pages!

Calista*Was*Here said...

Hmmmmm.... I wonder why DP allowed such torturing.... I expected approach: SEARCH .... DESTROY .... CLEAR .... MOP UP.
( :

In all that mess... I hope your cousin is alive and well.

Take care mate!

spideyfan said...

Imagine "Homer Simpson" dressed like Deadpool jailing his mother like Quasimodo and forced her to dress a Jackass head for protection. Won't it be neat?
The flaw with this plan is it gonna make DP look like a fat @$$hole burping too much and pretty useless

Funny story from the big adorer & student of his Majesty king Deadpool:D. ThorPool Thanks Thee Good Sir

Deadpoolite said...

I am only posting this to make the number of comments "10". Yeah, "10" a nice double digit round number that is so much cooler than 9 eh? LOL!

Typical DPish behaviour and I love every single insanity fused word of it.Hey I got a wacky reputation to maintain what did you expect? LOL!

Take care all and I'll give it a try to write something tomorrow.It has been TOO long(no kidding...).

Maybe I should get my blog into the endangered species list or something judging from how rare I blog these days:).

Sol (Frederick) Badguy said...

AAAHH; The undefeated love for double digits, I really like you man

13 is much cooler than 10, it's the coolest double digit number there is.

Anyone cares to check my door-knob collection? I'm not Dp so I have thee none