Dead Rising, oh save system where art thou?

Sales to die for...

As you all probably know I am an avid videogamer: 1) When the mood strikes me, 2) When I got the time, 3) Can't remember what I wanted to write in spot 3 but you are still reading this, so you probably have way too much free time in your hands anyway. In all my time spent inside videogaming worlds of various quality and sense ("sense?" What was that all about? A momentary involentarily lapse into logic it seems... hmmm worrying isn't it...)there is one unanimous concept that makes a smile light my nearly perfect face ('nearly' just because I am modest you see): "Killing zombies is good!". I mean what is not to like: "They are dumb, they attack me so it is definitely self defense and they are already dead! Thus, finishing them off is practically an act of mercy since I essentially return them back 'home' being the gaming humanitarian that I am" . If you have ever heard a more wacky rationalization of videogaming on-screen violence I will eat M and Ms until I burst or take their colour (which would make my life highly unpleasant or full of potential and opportunity respectively, LOL! I am a man of ambition after all... LOL!). Now, before you lose what little sense you got left in you dear readers, I will move in for the kil.... I mean I will proceed to the (preferrably undead) meat of this post.

Ah, my adoring blogging fans... Can't wait to read the rest of the post... Who would have thought they would reach such extremes to 'eat' my words of wacky wisdom:).

Once upon a time there was a game called "Dead Rising" and let me tell you it wasn't about impotent old geezers that were feasting on tons of Viagra and had their "deads" "up" and looking for "action"(which would make for a true survival horror game conceptually, come to think of it, LOL!). This game was about zombies in a Shopping Mall, much like the 'Dawn of the Dead' movie(and I am talking about the old movie where zombies were overtaken by turtles speedwise and not about the recent remake where zombies could easily outrun Usain Bolt ). The story of the game begins with the player taking control of the photojournalist Frank West (what a rare and strange name... NOT!). The guy lands in the middle of a zombie infested Mall and the objective is to survive in the place for 3 days until the pilot comes back to pick him up. In the meantime, Frank's "diet of choice" is simple: find out what is going on, take pictures of anything remotely interesting or not and mow down zombies using anything he can get his hands on (excluding killer stileto heels ladies, some "weapons" are better left untouched my male hands...) in the store!!! Now, conceptually this game is a wannabe zombie killer's wet dream of sorts since your choice of weapons include things like a lawnmower machine, chainsaws, swords, bowling balls, CDs and anything you can get your hands on. Literally, if you can pick something up, it can kill a zombie somehow. So then, the game is cool for satisfying the amateur sadist that we all have deep within (or is that just me... damn... here I come baring my insane soul to the masses once more, LOL!).

A fine specimen of the deranged gallery of human psychos that had holed up in the Mall during the zombie outbreak... Ah, the shopping mall, such a warm and welcoming place...:).

So, now that I have established that the game is an orgy of twisted fun let's see where it all went downhill. And when I say downhill, I mean lower than an undead's dress sense and self esteem and that is officially as LOW as it gets!!! The game's main story is structured as case files much like the episodes of a TV series where certain events need to be completed by a certain time limit. If time permits, there are lots of side missions to keep busy (all of them suitably bloody I assure ya, so this is no game for the vegetarians among you). The problem is that the time frame is too strict and if you fail to finish one scenario by the required time the game ends... And let me tell you all the horror I had unleashed as a progressively deranged Frank West in the Mall hadn't prepared me for the horror I was about to face near the end of the game. After making my way through the hordes of the undead via impeccable stylish morally ambiguous ways, and near the completion of the game, I beat the final bad guy and I was on my way to watch the finale... Only, it didn't happen... I had passed the time limit by a fuck.... up minute so the game ended abruptly!!! Let me tell you how that feels after a total sum of 12-15 hours of gaming... IT SUCKS!!! My gamepad fell on the floor, followed by my jaw and the rest of me followed soon after... If I ever structurally resembled one of the undead this was the time... After being pieced together by my half bepuzzled, half bemused girlfriend I realised that I had to replay the WHOLE GAME to reach the finale... And all of this because dear frigging CAPCOM(as in the company who made the game...) had placed only one save slot in the game, so if that was fucked... you were fucked... which makes for a neat little fucked up package come to think of it....

The "betrayal" of the game's save system was too much to bare. So I kinda lost my head...:). That was just a flesh wound in my videogaming psyche though, soon I would be back, head attached and all, h(a)ngry for more:).

Having avoided the stroke from the realization that I wasted 12-15 hours of my life playing a game with the most ridiculous save system ever, I restarted the game and marched through the undead(literally THROUGH the undead I assure you...LOL!) with a fury that the popculture universe hasn't seen since the rage of avid Star Wars fans towards Jar Jar Binks back in the days of the "Phantom Menace" (and I heard that was pretty bad... or so the geek legend says, hahaha). After around 10 hours I finished the game getting one of the crappiest finales available but that didn't matter... I had prevailed VS the twisted corporal stupidity of a videogame developer that made a really good videogame with ONE KILLER FLAW... A save system so badly designed, a zombie would have made a better job creating it for sure... As I put my gamepad on the floor, I grinned with glee. The Deadpoolite VS Capcom contest had ended with DP the winner, it was no contest really:). With those final thoughts I passed out, equally affected by the realization of my stupidity in persisting with this game and pure kinky exhaustion... It wouldn't be the first time and it definitely won't be the last...


And here comes the sequel... better fix that save system Capcom...or else:).

Hope you cracked a smile or two with this twisted tale of videogaming madness:).

Till next time, take care all!