Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Surviving the 'drilling monster' above...

You know this was a peaceful little appartment and I was a nutty little Merc living in it. Day in day out, there were some constants in life that were undeniable. Yes, I live in a small town, in a central appartment, where morning in morning out you don't have the sky 'dropping on your head' from some unexpected development. You have the occassional change in the weather, maybe some cultural event happening but you know that at least in the confines of your appartment, you can be calm, safe, warm and as lazy as hell without giving a toss about the outside world. Well, I guess nothing lasts forever...


Nuff said...

It all started approximately 3 weeks ago... I was sleeping the sleep of the "just and wacky" tossing wisecracks to unfortunate fools in my dreams or sexing it up with Ms Eva Mendes(what a sad, sad little man I am, LOL) or watching some too weird sci fi opus of my own creation playing in the media player of my collective subconcious. You see, future blog entries do creep their ugly head in my mind even when I am asleep. I am that far gone:). As fate would dictate it, the universe had different plans for my immediate domestic well being. It all started with a buzz, some little drilling sounds coming from above, slow, calculating, testing, drilling 'baby steps'... I woke up more puzzled than annoyed... I was like : "What the f...k? Who dares interrupt the beauty sleep of Deadpoolite, the man who makes asylums tremble at the hearing of his very name, at the notion that he may visit them and stay permanently there one day"? More than anything, I was curious... Curious at what insolent beast was making those drilling sounds so close to a man who can reduce another living being to shivering laughter with only weapons his sharp wit and his self sarcastic quotes. "How dare you?" I shouted at the invisible invader above me. "Better monsters than you have tried you howling fool, this means war motherf...ng prick, this means war!!!".


Deadpoolite humming merrily: "Everyone is DP fighting..."! Hey, who gives a toss about copy writing laws right? I am making this my 'DP theme' for the day:)

Despite my spiteful comment, do not be fooled by such misleading social outbursts on my behalf... One of my most admirable traits is patience... I may have other petty character traits but I am ridiculously patient as a person. I am not saying I don't have a short fuse with anger sometimes but it is almost never 'lit' by impatience for something that is about to happen or for something bad/annoying that is already happening. I just have the ability to wait up as long as it takes, having a silly confident smile on my face, that it is all going to play out my way at the end. It is truely 'sickening' for people around me, I notice, who are fuming and swearing all the time in e.g. queues everywhere, trying to save those precious little minutes to finish up an errand faster. Besides the point, as I have so eloquently put it in the past (and this a 100% DP branded quote I assure you):"Greeks only queue up properly at the escalators or at passport control in the airport simply because it is too narrow not too...". However, I have strayed a bit from the main attraction of this post which is of course "the drilling monster" and its antics...


"Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!!" Yeah right...

And so the story of my torture began that day... Every single morning the drilling monster was punctual to our "duelling date" of sorts... It always seemed to test the defenses of the ceiling above me... looking for that weak spot to drill through and 'embrace the fool beneath'(that would be me then, LOL) or bury him in a load of ceiling debris. What was DP's reaction in the first 10 days or so, one passing reader may wonder... I was laughing at the sight (or to be precise sound, LOL) of the danger lurking above and at the 'drilling menace's' unknown face. I wouldn't be intimidated by some drilling monster that was trespassing on DP territory... we both knew who would prevail in the end.... Or so I thought....

'Patient DP or not so patient DP', the 'monster' has persisted... It has proved to be more capable to annoy me than I thought... it has been buying time...stalling... testing the weak spots of my mental resistances... putting the volume threshold of my hearing ability to the test... every single morning... every single day. Its tactics were simple yet effective, even a mumbling fool like me could see : " Always attack with rage when DP is deeply asleep... right above his head... right above his bedroom... be his music in the morning, the first thing he hears when he opens his eyes". This is a battle of wits alright... it is a 'man vs technology' duel, a man's last stand against noise pollution against an enemy invisible but creepily able to make its presence felt with the help of sound waves... The monster has not been the only one testing the opposite party... DP has been learning as well... I have studied its patterns, when it raises its ugly head in the morning, when it goes to sleep, when it resumes its unholy drilling mayhem above my head. All is crystal clear, being the uber nutty strategist that I am, I have tried to design some defensive strategies to make the drilling monster fall into a false sense of security before I retaliate with extreme prejudice... These tactics have never failed me before... but fate has decided that this once I wasn't the one who was going to smile at the end (at least not in the shorterm...).


All this progress I made with my 'insanist' to somewhat alleviate my insanity were in vain... I am BACK!!! and someone will pay (and I am not talking money... more like the 'currency of pain')... LOL



The monster has persisted for a couple of weeks now... reluctant to stop... drilling its merry way into my ceiling and sometimes I feel into my skull. I don't need an alarm clock anymore, I don't need the vibration function on my game console's controller, I don't need to shake the shaker to make cold frappe coffee anymore... There is no reason to pump up the volume in survival horror games to creep myself out, there is no need to listen to remixes of songs anymore... every song playing in my appartment is remixed by the 'Drill DJ' now:). I know there is a purpose why the 'monster' is drilling so persistently on the concrete boundary above me, it has an actual motivation and a goal to achieve. Sometimes, it seems to be drilling at the exact same spot, like it is searching for oil or something... localization of sound is highly overrated anyway by now... it is all one big drilling mess in my head. I will not be subdued, I will not be defeated but I will give the 'monster' sometime to realize the error of its ways and retreat to whatever manifacturing hell hole it has crawled out from... If it does sooner rather than later it will have a chance to survive my wrath... Because you know, a patient man's wrath is not to be toyed with... it just accumulates in, bottled up, subversive but not totally dormant... always longing for that unfortunate fool or occassion who is going to accidentaly release it... Some doors are never meant to be opened you see... I am patient, I am nuts, I am an all around nice guy but if this drilling lunacy doesn't come to an end soon, there will be only one course of action: "Grab the drilling monster from the proverbial throat and shove it up it's handler's -not so proverbial- ass!!!" . Drilling monster.... you have been warned... next time it will be your terminal stop in this plane of existence...and I will enjoy every fricking moment of it , muhahahhaha!!!!


If I am going to go through with this I pity the fool who 'drills merrily' upstairs... let's just say it is going to be a long way down for him...:)


P.S. Essentially, someone is drilling on the floor above my head getting to my nerves... but I couldn't just write that could I now? This is "Deadpool's Laughing Den", LOL!!!



7 comments:

Zhu said...

I love the new background !

But... wait a second... did I read Eva Mendes instead of Zhu somewhere on this post ??? Surely, it must be a topy. Tyop. Typo. Whatever.

So... let's not jump to conclusion (I mean, to the conclusion at the end of the post). A monster lives above you. Well, my dear, it's time to show who's the merc here. I mean, she me (or Eva Mendes) what you've got !!!

Deliciously insane yours.

Jay Cam said...

You said: "What the f...k?"

Since when did you censor your language!? that therapy must have worked after all!

and dont worry, you arent sad! most people dream about having sex with hilary clinton, so you are safe! ... no, i dont dream about hilary clinton!

; )

and you might as well whip out the bazooka-chainsaw-ak 47 and solve your problem.. just think about it!
its what ultra flashlight dude would do!

Calista*Was*Here said...

Yeah, reality is overrated:)
[I sustain it by daydreaming:)]

That drilling noise is actually good for you, DP.
It reminds you that day starts...
and that there is a lot of work for you...
...like saving the world...:)

There is no hero like CyberHero!

MandyPoo said...

Wow - I always thought I was a somewhat patient person but by the time I got to the end of your post I was about to die to find out who exactly is drilling above your apartment...and STILL you didn't tell us...(not enough details to satisfy me, anyway). I'd take a broom and beat on the ceiling about an hour before they are set to start their drilling ritual.

Deadpoolite said...

@zhu

Well the monster was dealt with in the most anticlimactic way possible I assure you... I guess the torture mode session -using crap jokes- I had planned will have to wait for some other time:)

@jay cam

Dude this place is a blog of immense contradiction... I dont like writing whole curse words because making jokes by swearing is the easy way to do it. When mood dictates f...k becomes FUCK!!! It is all in the mood swings I assure you:)

Take it like that good jokester that you are and laugh at the absurdity of it all, LOL! You are a relatively new reader here so I guess you were not aware how things work, oh well I can always embed the knowledge in your brain the 'clockwork orange' kind of way if you know what I mean:)

@calista

All validly insane points but there is one question left unanswered ... who is going to save me? Oh well the drilling monster is no more, sucker, it should have watched its back:)

@mandypoo

Saying what is the monster and what its evil doing intentions are would either shatter the very foundations of mankind or be just plain boring:) Take your pick!heh

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