Monday, 30 July 2007

Resident Evil the Deadpoolite way, a.k.a. the funny moments of 9 years of survival horror...



Since this blog is more about what makes me have a good time, compared to my greek one, I wanted to write a post about the awesomeness of Resident Evil. As this idea emerged from the depths of that peanut sized white thing in my skull called brain, I realised that by writing about all the core games of the series and what they are about would be cool if this was a Resident Evil fan site but would also make my existing readers all sleepy eyed and bored ( nothing new there then, ha,ha,ha) out of their minds (or what is left of them anyway, since with each of my blog entries a little bit of their grey matter is vaporised irreversibly...a minor side effect I am sure...heh). Anyway, enough with the crap jokes already! The name of the game is to describe some funny moments I had with this videogame or because of it, so let's roll!

So you may ask now... what the hell is "a Resident Evil". To cut the long story short, Resident Evil is a videogame about killing zombies and other biohazardous abominations (yep I am a bioscientist myself, noticed the irony there anyone... ha,ha,ha) trying not to get munched by them in the process. The whole thing is typical b-movie fodder and it has evoked quite a lot of scares for this little Merc called Deadpoolite (why the heck am I talking in third person about myself, am I the reincarnation of Julius Caesar or something...hmmm.... another consideration for my therapy sessions...lol). Story wise most of the core games (there are numerous side games most of them crap...) are about this huge corporation called Umbrella Inc. (how original...) that is working with viruses (how even more original...) to make the ultimate biohazard weapon (how ecstatically original...) when naturally something goes wrong (this is so fricking original that I am going to faint just by typing it...). As a result everyone near the location(s) that the game takes place is transformed into a zombie or is turnt into another type of monster as a result of deliberate experimentation by the company (ok, I am officially fainting... I just can't stand this much originality in a concept... it is surreal...ha,ha,ha). So naturally you are the only malakas (let's just say this is the greek word for "jackass" but it does have many translations in greek... just dont use it too often in Greece, if you ever come around.., unless you have some lifelong ambition to have your skull cracked... hey whatever works for you right? LOL) that is unaffected. It could be because you ate all your vegetables when your mom told you to do so, thus you have become immune to everything by now including biotech hazardous viruses...good boy/girl! The primary objective is to survive armed with cheesy one liners and firearms with severe deficit in bullets. Oh, Chuck Norris would have been proud of me right about now:)




If you watch one vid out of the lot, watch this one! This is the UNCUT introduction of the original Resident Evil game and it is hilarious. It was filmed with real people (I dont say actors, they werent actors, these people were just company employees,lol).The dog you see growling was a fake dog head on a tagpole. This is so cheesy it hurts but it is also very funny because of it. Back then a Resident Evil franchise wasnt even on the radar... this was supposed to be a one off gig you see:)




Ok, now that the premise is done and dusted let's move on to the really funny stuff...(Drums rolling....)



Resident Evil 1 was played by Deadpoolite in 1998 (you know what they say about the first love right...?) at the Halls of Residence in London where he was staying at the time (ok, enough with the third person thing...)



As a fresh faced undergraduate half way through my first year in the university I bought a PS1, rented a TV and bought Resident Evil (what a trilogy of happiness ha,ha,ha...). I knew nothing about it other than that a cousin of me liked it and that it had zombies in it (I really needed no more incentive to buy something back then... besides I could always torture my cousin if it had been crap, so it was a win win situation either way for me... LOL). So, I started playing the game, controlling the moronically speaking and equally stupid acting Chris Redfield. For the first couple of minutes I was just leading the poor clueless sap in the game's scary mansion, marching like a tourist not a care in the world. As I opened a door and entered a dark corridor, I walked a bit further and then a cut-scene kicked in with a horrendous zombie having a feast on some poor bastard. Then, all of a sudden, this epitomy of human decomposition turnt its ugly head to face me (hey, even zombies need dessert...). As I was totally unaware of anything about the game (good times in that respect back then...) I wrestled with the gamepad trying to make the moronic malakas I was controlling react to his impending doom or just plain flee from it.... To no avail though.... I wasn't yet familiar with the control scheme of the game so the zombie just grabbed my sorry Merc ass and just had a ball with this uninvited "human freebie meal". As a relatively pristine zombie killer back then, I just dropped the gamepad, screamed with a voice like the Bee Gees lead singer and was left looking at the screen bewildered (any rumours that I wetted my pants as well is totally unsubstantiated for the most part anyway...LOL).




This bloody cut scene was my first ever in the world of Resident Evil... It lasted only 14 secs and it really creeped me out back then... Remember this was a time before Google and such on-line commodities and info about the game was scarce or I wasnt sure how to access it. So, yeah I got scared...sad but true:)


As I was getting better with the game and was killing zombies left and right my social life kind of deteriotated to the point of non-existent for a week or so. It was me against the zombies and for all I cared there could have been a nuclear explosion in the London area and I wouldnt have bothered to blink about it ha,ha,ha,ha. Point is my laundry was accumulating as well, I hadnt shaved for a week or so (I looked something like a ZZ top singer that week), let's not talk about showering and I really cant recall going to the toilet but it could have happened, I am sure. So, really I was the epitomy of a lazy bum embedded to his bed. One day, within this idyllic scenery and as I was blasting the undead to smithereens, a friend of mine (who later became my girlfriend) knocked on my door and asked : "DP are you alright? I havent seen you for days... anyhow if you are inside there is a phone call for you at the common room phone".

As I cleared my throat to mumble some sort of civilised reply, an incomprehensible growling sound came out of my mouth instead ( I guess my vocal cords went AOL on me since I hadnt talked much for like days....lol). Susan knocked on the door even more persistently, slightly worried... I gathered all my willpower and strength to communicate with another civilised being and lifted my left hand to open the bloody door, ready to blast the imbecile that dared interrupt my Resident Evil transfixation. Good thing the room was so tiny I didnt have to get out of bed to open the door since I am sure my feet were partying in atrophy heaven from my laziness, at the time. As I unhinged the door, my head tilting weirdly to the left like some "Exorcist girl " wannabe, Susan tried to enter the room and the door hit me straight on the forehead (good thing my bucketload of dirty laundry was blocking the door from opening at full length, otherwise I would have been the first ever beheaded student in the history of the University,lol). Unphased by this revolting development (after all, only playing Resident Evil mattered, the rest were just distractions...ha,ha,ha), I had the following dialogue with Susan who was looking at me like I just escaped from a nuthouse:


Susan: Are you ok?
DP:kkkkk......
Susan: You got a phone call.
DP: Whoizit? (all in one word...lol)
Susan: Your parents from Greece.
DP: Okz... berightthere (I was a man of few words what can I say, lol)
Susan: Bye... (looking puzzled)
DP:....

As you can easily deduct, I wasnt offing zombies in-game anymore, I was turning into one of them , LOOLLL!!!



Zombite or Deadpoolite? I wasn't even sure myself back then... itchy tasty...:) Sorry little in-joke there for "the people in the know" (as if...lol), couldn't resist...




Years later I played Resident Evil 3 with a cousin of mine. The original thing about that game was, that it had one kickass monster called Nemesis that could go through doors, so basically you were never safe. At some scripted game intervals the monster cornered you and you were presented with a dual choice of sorts on how to react to the situation.


When we booted up the game for the first time, as soon as we saw Nemesis chasing us we freaked out to the point of switching off the TV and not switching it back on for the next couple of hours! It was surreal, we wouldnt go near the TV or even think of switching on the PS1... As we gathered enough willpower and courage (yep, courage, pathetic isnt it, lol) we continued playing until we were faced with the first dilemma of sorts. The situation was as follows:


Our character Jill Valentine had gone up a staircase to investigate an office for clues/items etc. The office had only one window to the right side and the only real exit was the way we came in originally. As we entered the office, the camera changed view and we saw Nemesis walking slowly up the staircase as well!!! Then the following message appeared on-screen:

"Nemesis is approaching (NO SHIT!!!) and he will reach you soon, what are you going to do?"

2 choices flashed before our terrified eyes...

1. Jump out of the window (situated quite high above the ground mind you, lol)
2.Hide in the office


After surviving the initial shock... a short, albeit panicked, verbal exchange ensued between me and my cousin :



DP
: Oh man, HE is coming what the fuck should we do!!!

Thomas: Jump out of the fucking window, no question about it (screaming in horror!!!)

And so our character jumped like a madwoman with a deathwish out of the window (This stunt was performed by a certified videogame character, dont try this at home kids ...heh... not until I get my digicam ready to shoot anyway...lol). Since this was a videogame, she landed on some trash bags underneath.... I am sure if I could smell them they would smell like roses, we were that terrified of Nemesis, ha,ha,ha.



A cool compilation of some cut scenes from "Resident Evil 3 : Nemesis "accompanied by quite fitting music. The "handsome" chap starring in it, apart from the zombies and the babe in the blue tank top, is Nemesis!!! Can't believe I was actually scared to play the game because of this freak ha,ha,ha,ha!



Ok, this post has gotten already too long and I dont want to tire you anymore, but if you'd like to have a sequel to this, just for the laugh of it, just let me know. Plenty of fun stories to tell, I assure you:)



Till, next time DP out!




This last flash is pretty much a classic... It shows some cute cartoony versions of various characters of the series saying basic things about the game. For some reason this vid always makes me crack a smile... it is just cute:)



P.S.1 The Resident Evil movies have nothing to do with the games apart from the use of a couple of names present in the game. These movies are totally crap, stay away!!! You have been warned...

P.S.2
The original Resident Evil videogame was released in 1996 but I played it a couple of years after that... just some useless, stupid trivial info for you:)

13 comments:

Calista said...

Hi there! Fresh and funny, I'm glad to read your Resident evil story. It's not a secret that I'm look for some amusement since my blog is locked up. Yesterday morning when I happily wanted to sign in, some red warning letters knocked me out. Something about violations. Currently, my blog is "under review" and I cannot posting neither my readers can comment. I admit, not guilty. Machines made mistake (google people told me that). Anyway I was hit terribly and after all that hard work (for my blog), I couldn't shake that harsh penalty feeling.

So, thank u DP for for your laughing dwelling place.
I'll be around!

Deadpoolite said...

@calista

Good to know you enjoyed this Resident Evil inspired post and cracked a smile or two:)

I am just trying to write about things I like in an "accessible to all" manner so that some topics stop being suitable for a niche audience and become enjoyable fun reads for all:)

Glad to see this approach is working, heh.

Sorry to hear about what has happened to your blog but I guess you cant beat the machines at their own game (look what happened in The Matrix movies, lol).

Hope it is all resolved soon and you are back to full blogging gear in no time!

I know I'll be reading!

itelli said...

OH! So ur Greek blog is more of a... service to the people, is it? :)

(I am really tempted to throw some more Scottish brotherly love at ya, but I fear that ur readership might think we r staging a fight...)

Re: renting TVs. That would have been enough of a clue to understand u were a Greek undergrad in the Land of the Black Cloud... :)))

Deadpoolite said...

@itelli

Funny thing about the "renting TV" thing was when I actually rented the damn thing I told to an accompanying friend " Can you carry it for a moment?"

Then all of a sudden, few mins later actually, we were outside my room and I told him " I'll take it from here" LOOOLL!!!

The look on his face was priceless, hahahaha!

Well I am sure you understand that the humour in this blog would be very "hit and miss" with my Greek readers and vice versa:)

One thing is constant, I am nuts in both blogs and I am having a blast writing!What more can a blogger possibly want:)

Talk to ya later!

Getty72 said...

Hey DP.... My goodness, Resident Evil... Now that takes me back a few years. I never got as far as REIII, just played I and II. Such mean fun. The four PS1 games I remember most were Res Evil, Silent Hill, Gran Turismo and Final Fantasy VII (by the way, I was crap at all of them). Goodness, that takes me back to many sleepless weekends, where I would go home from college/work on Friday and lock myself in my house, close the curtains and survive on cola and pizza - glued to the PS. Eventually the female of our species got in the way, my GF at the time came along and I found somewhere else to put my hands. The PS ended up taking second place...however, will always hold a special place in my youth.

Keep 'em rolling mate!

Best wishes ~ Graham :)

Zhu said...

But aren't you already killing zombies in your day job ???

I must admit I have very limited knowledge of RE, but I've heard of it. Not bad eh ! I must have seen a movie and played a bit before being killed right away due to my lack of videogame playing ability...

Muse said...

i'm wondering if i should play this game. Of course that would mean upgrading my atari. I'm a big movie fan - lots of zombie films and really good horrors

ps: i work with zombies

Deadpoolite said...

@getty72

Dude if your Playstation came first place I would be worried for you:) Just look what happened to me with my insane prioritizing...Even now when Resident Evil 5 is eventually out in 2009, if I have a girlfriend at the time she will have to roll with it (well not really I am just joking heh).

But truth be told, it isnt as easy to scare me anymore (and I am a certified chickenshit let me tell you, lol) with all the "Survival Horror" that surrounds us in and around our daily lives...

Hope you are ejoying your vacation!



@zhu

Actually I used to work for Umbrella Inc. but this is classified info so I'll stop there... :) By the way if you have watched any of the crap Resident Evil movies you are already infected. That means I will have to put you down "with extreme prejudice" (that last line is taken from another game which rocks by the way, totally different style). LOL. I cant let you spread the movies' awfulness to the masses, oh yeah right, that wasnt you.... that was Hollywood:)

@muse

I just touched the tip of the iceberg here about the actual games. There is far more to the series than what I already mentioned. If you want more info on this just ask. I am pretty much an academic on the subject LOL!!!

I am all for Survival Horror in videogaming and I do like some horror movies (the movies by George S. Romero for example) as well but mostly horror games.

Come to think of it, I always wanted to write a post about the diversity of survival horror games at least story wise just to show that gaming has evolved a lot from the shallow (although tremendous fun!!!) world of pacman and bubble bobble:)

Maybe I'll give it a shot one of these days... it can be a fun little blogging ride I am sure:)

P.S. Don't we all...:)

Calista said...

Hi DP, I should really say thank u! Right after I finished my sobbing here, my blog was unlocked! I couldn't sleep of happiness.
I already prepared new post "Stress among bloggers" (my own experience) and published it.

Now I'm little bit confused; did u read my fresh unlocked post and made Matrix comparison (I mentioned Matrix in post) or that was coincidence???

Anyway, thank u for good vibrations!

Stay cool!

Shan said...

RE: Dude, that's one scary damned game. I recall I played it on PS once, jesus, I was in a bus and there was these damned zombies everywhere... Scared the shit outta me. Also remember I watched the movie RE: Apocalypse... Scary shit lol!

Deadpoolite said...

@calista

Sorry girl, this was all me:) I am off to check your post and make my first ever comment to your blog, (about bloody time too, LOL).

By the way you are officially a member of my "known blogging accomplices" link list. I am afraid there is no escape from it:)



Glad to learn that your blog is now unblocked and all (I had nothing to do with it... or maybe I did...oh the suspense is killing ya I can just tell, ha,ha,ha)

Take care!

@Shan

A couple of years ago there was a remake of the original Resident Evil on the Gamecube (a console by Nintendo of all places ha,ha,ha). Let's just say it was so scary I had to incinerate quite a lot of my underwear after playing it... Nope, washing them up just didnt do the trick I am afraid (ew.... disgusting...).

As for the gaming masterpiece that was Resident Evil 4, I'll have to write an entire post about it. It was such an amazing game in all respects, regardless if one is a Resident Evil fan or not... very addictive game let me tell ya:)

By the way, have a great month all!!!

Calista said...

Hi DP!
I'm still infatuated by fact that we are on the same frequency level. Communication is so easy and pleasant.
I like to think that u are great guy; so positive and so vibrant.

Your next post is...surprise me.

SeeU!

Deadpoolite said...

@calista

It is good to know that my creative madness is spreading slowly but steadily to the masses:)

In nay case, it is too late to back down now, so relax and enjoy the ride:)

As for the next post, it is already done and dusted in the editing suite of the blog.Just need some visual material for the upcoming -dare I say it- double bill extravaganza:)

Stay tuned Calista, I am glad you are enjoying this playful blogging interaction of ours as much as I do! ("ours" going to all the readers of course, what can I do... I maybe a wacky individual but I am a gentleman as well ha,ha,ha)