Wednesday, 1 August 2007

You got nothing on me cop… a tale of greek traffic madness (Part 1)

As I was daydreaming the other day, I realised that it would be cool, once in a while, to use some sort of real life experience as a more direct starting point for another fun blog entry. It is always amusing to exaggerate on the reality of an actual life event and make it transcend from a miniscule fact in the finite soap opera of one’s life to a whole new level of existence using imagination and self parody as means of expression. Ok, ok, so I got a bit extra philosophical about a simple life moment (giving no doubt a bit of a mini-stroke to a couple of my readers with this sudden excessive display of multisyllabic words and implied intellectuality, heh) but it was a good way to show that I can write down other words except from ‘wacky’ and ‘madness’ (hmmm… what a wacky sentence full of madness… oh crap I just did it again didn’t I… lol).

This is where this story truly starts, fasten your seatbelts to avoid getting any unnecessary traffic tickets (heck a blog has to make some profit so don’t say I didn’t warn you…) and let the madness of my narration officially begin:

A couple of months ago I was driving with my dad, going to a place by the seaside called Rahes in central Greece. To get there faster, from the place of my permanent residence Lamia , we took the highway road instead of some other local route. Half way towards our destination, a traffic warden stopped us to check if our car documentation was ok.

As soon as the traffic cop waved us to stop, some of my money had already flown out of the window from the upcoming fine... I just didnt know it yet:)

As soon as I immobilized the vehicle, I turned to my dad to ask him if the documentation of the car was ok (I am an on/off driver of this car, since I am not around most of the time, thus I had been left in the dark on such technicalities before, what an irresponsible fool I am, lol). The following short piece of dialogue ensued among father and son (DP senior and DP jr so to speak, ha,ha,ha,):

DP: Oh crap, what the hell does this loser want? Of all the cars in the world he had to stop ours… So dad am I missing something on the paperwork front?

Dad: Well everything is pretty much in order except from the KTEO technical control thingy…(Every couple of years or thereabout, vehicles in Greece go through some technical control procedure that takes place in certified service centres. “KTEO” is the abbreviated name of these centres and the process itself).

DP: When were we supposed to do this anyway?

Dad: I think we still got time, it hasn’t been that long since we bought the car…has it?

DP: This is at least a four year old car …. Oh man we are screwed….

Where is KIT when you need him/it? The copper would have just blown a fuse or something if my car was like that:) God I loved this show as a kid, I am grinning just by watching this trailer, LOL!

The cop approached and asked us to get out of the vehicle and present him with our licence and registration (man those clichés are so last century I hate them…lol). Like sheep to the slaughter, we complied to his request while praying to every god imaginable (including Bruce Campbell, LOOL) that the KTEO control thing would pass under his radar. Yeah, right… So, the traffic cop asked for our license and registration (so far so good… ), for the car’s insurance papers (still going strong as law abiding as Wyatt Erp without the moustache and excess gun slinging to boot…) and then the KTEO technical control verification papers (bullseye at last!!! Rocky Balboa would have been proud of such a killer blow… lol). In situations like these, at least in Greece, it is an unwritten rule among public offenders(think ‘the code’ of Pirates in the Jack Sparrow movies and you get the picture…) to try to talk their way out of a situation by pleading not guilty using every conceivable or inconceivable argument in the book. Being the man of action that I am (ha,ha,ha,ha ,sorry , I couldnt resist, this is just ridiculous to even think about… ha,ha,ha) I thought of taking down the cop in a blaze of gunplay but logic prevailed (damn… not again… those social inhibitions of mine need to go ASAP…).

Hmm, always aim for the chest hair... better keep that in mind next time I have some trouble with the law:) Either that or just aim for "the crown family jewels" for a bonafide touchdown (as in US football...)! Too bad I am as law abiding as they come... bummer:)

Therefore, it was up to DP senior to fight the good fight and try to make the cop all sympathetic and puppy eyed towards us. My dad started spitting some incoherent BS about how ‘he was going to do the KTEO thing eventually’ and that ‘this is a relatively new car so he wasn’t aware it needed a certified mechanical check’. I guess those kind of arguments could have worked on a ‘sanity challenged’ individual such as myself (give DP senior an Oscar I say, if Gwyneth Paltrow was awarded one, anyone can get one really, lol). However, the cop was so “impressed” with my dad’s versatility as an actor that he proceeded to award him with the prize of ‘removing the number plates from the car’ and ‘giving a traffic check for the offense’.

Well at least he spared us the full cavity search treatment routine... LOL! I guess that was a small victory of sorts for the DP family under the circumstances ha,ha,ha,ha!

Then, this hybrid of Chuck Norris on crack and Steven Seagal with severe constipation (where did THIS analogy come from is anyone’s guess… ha,ha,ha) started explaining what had to be done to get the plates back. As he was talking, my dad had a vacant look in his eyes like a zombie in a George S. Romero flick, probably thinking to bite the policeman’s head off. Personally, I was thinking to revert to “King Leonidas in 300” theatrical tactics and kick the copper’s ass into a bottomless pit shouting at him “THIS IS SPARTA!!!”. However, my ever invisible biceps would ruin the coolness of the moment, so I hesitated to revert to such extreme measures of photogenic violence(too bad the moment is gone now...if only...oh no point in having second thoughts about it now I guess... lol) . As soon as the "Judge Dredd wannabe" stopped talking, both DPs woke up from this trance of excess envisioning of unfulfilled public violence and went back to the now ‘plateless’ car. My dad was swearing like there is no tomorrow, while I was trying to be the voice of reason of ‘the merry couple of offenders’ and plan our coordinated attack to the greek traffic service with only one thing in mind… We were either going to take our bloody number plates back or we were going to die trying!!! (Don’t you just love those macho ultimatums… ha,ha,ha).

To be continued (and concluded) in Part 2…


Paper Fan Club said...

Don't hassle the Hoff... LOL! Another great story; can't wait for part 2.

PS: I was watching something on TV about ComicCon. Was that of any interest to you?

Deadpoolite said...

@paper fan club

I like my Marvel comics as much as the next guy and love reading some of them every month but that is about it really:) Ok, when I got the time I post a comment or two on the comixtreme forum as well, guilty as charged ha,ha! But no I am not interested in fests like ComicCon or gossip about comics, writers, artists etc. etc.

Thanks for asking though:)

Part 2 will be with ya tomorrow or Friday the latest (I've already written it but being lazy and all I need to add some audio visual spice to it)

You know I really think I have to write a post about the Knight Rider TV series one day. This damn trailer brought back so many childhood memories of "the Hoff" and his "Hoffstatic" afro in action:)

Have a great month!

Zhu said...

France has an equivalent for the "KTEO" and I remember my parents were always worried about being caught with an overdue "KTEO" cause they forget to have the car checked all the time.

Funny story ! Looking forward to part two !

Calista said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deadpoolite said...


There is a difference between being afraid to get caught and getting caught, I assure you:)

Tell your parents to stay away from the Dark Side of not checking their car when they are supposed to!

As you can see, Part 2 is already among us, so stop spending time reading this pointless comment of mine and sink your teeth in the actual Part 2 text!

Have a great weekend Zhu!


Scanned me? What are you a Terminator wannabe or a governator impersonator? (Can anyone actually tell the difference I wonder, LOL!)

On to your remarks then:

Movies: With great (insane!) power comes great responsibility, hey that was from Spiderman,yep I am good:)

Hairy Chest: Leave my chest hair alone you evil evil woman...but yeah I am no Chuck Norris in that respect (thank god for that, lol!!!)

Cursing: Why should I trivially curse when I can create an astonishing DP branded curse like "I hate you so much I can joke you to death!". So, yeah I am good.

God: Besides from Elvis you mean? lol. I am Christian Orthodox by the way, as most Greeks, just a little fact there for you.

Biceps: The only way to have biceps is to have a bicep transplantation. Hmmm... come to think of it I wonder what Vin Diesel's cell phone number is? ha,ha,ha

Lamia: Central Greece, nuff said, lol.

Cop(s): We pay them because we like people in silly uniforms acting all important and stuff :) Yep, as good a joke as any:)

Dad: Nothing of the short. But that is a good thing, I mean someone has to keep my insanity in check with a good old hammer smash to the head! Love ya dad! (not that he is going to ever read this, thanks fuck for that, lol!)

Car/teleportation: The teleportation novelty wore of eventually...Besides one time I tried it, when I reformed my ass was were my head should have been and vice versa:) Creepy...

And: If you refer to the MK fatalities you are safe. I never do those on a Friday:)

As for the hug and all, the honey moon suite was booked for the rest of the year and most of 2008 so our merry union should wait until late 2008 or so. Yeah, I know, bummer:)

Thanks for the sentiment though, my Merc heart is filled with joy!

Take care!

Deadpoolite said...


Just realised that what I wrote about the "And" part in my comment, refers to a vid in Part 2 of the

Talking about thinking forward...:)

Calista said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deadpoolite said...


Sorry girl you kinda of lost me there...

Let's get some things straight so there are no more misunderstandings

1)I really dont understand how you deducted that I feel offended by you. I took your comments word by word and commented on them in my own way. I did this just to make some innocent jokes about myself and in general and not to laugh at your expense. I sincerely dont understand how you came to that conclusion but now that I have clarified this, no more misunderstandings ok?

2)I like the people commenting here to have fun with it. I dont really care about being praised (ok maybe a little...ha,ha,ha... a little ego boost never hurt anyone right?), so just relax and go with the flow.

3)You said I became cynical towards you which really doesnt make sense at all. If you may, please read what I've wrote in my comments again and you'll see that I am right. If you refer to the comment about the "and" bit, what I mean is that I talked about a video of youtube that was in PART 2 while I was commenting in PART 1. Nothing more than that.(At the end of the day I am entitled even to some crap jokes, this is DP's blog let's not forget that heh)

4)As for your dad you have my condolences and all and thanks for the kind thoughts about my dad I appreciate the sentiment.

5) Lastly, although I greatly appreciate your visit to my greek blog it is kind of pointless going there since it is all written... well in greek:) Not all of the greek people hanging out there are English prone so having english written there is kind of odd. Same with people writing greek here. Let's just say that if I comment in english in the greek blog and in greek in the english blog I'll go totally nuts for sure:)

Now that this is done and dusted let's return to "Deadpool's Laughing Den" and have some fun, shall we?

If at any point in the future you want to talk about something of personal nature or such, feel free to use my e-mail. Other people have done it and they survived to tell the tale so why shouldnt you?

I'd like the comments page to focus on the topic of the "text of the day" so to speak and not to divert to many other directions unless they are fun:)

Take care Calista and talk to ya soon! I'll be off for the next 10 days or even a bit more , so we'll talk again then.

DP out!

Calista said...

I had to do it. Great embarrassment.
Sorry because of inconvenience.
I made mistake.
Still like DP.


Deadpoolite said...

We are cool then!

Ok, now let's talk about my plan to take the blogging world by storm... (yep you are part of it calista...let me tell you all about 10 days or so when I get back heh)

I like you too so try to cope with all the DP goodness in your life because it aint going anywhere in the foreseeable future:)

Take care!