Monday, 10 September 2007

Who is the thug?

You know sometimes with blogging you have to go back to basics. You have to remember what made you start blogging in the first place. Were you bored out of your mind? Did you have an inherent need to ridicule yourself in front of a reading audience, did you just want to have some fun (regardless of what one considers “fun”). So now, as things become more and more complicated in my real life where does that leave my blogging addiction? I don’t have the answer to that but all I know is that the reason I founded this blog was to have fun. Have fun by exercising some sort of vitriolic, wacky, self sarcastic sense of humour towards things I like, things that catch my interest, things that are absolutely over the top to the point of infinitely ridiculous. In that mould, today I am in the mood to take the piss out of something and that always feels liberating. The unfortunate victim of my verbal mayhem will be the new guy playing James Bond, the infamous Daniel Craig.

Oh 007 where art thou? Who is this imposter in your place...? Pierce! Come back to the world of uber tight tuxedos and miniature handguns...please:)

To spice things up, I’ll present my reaction when I learned that this guy is going to play the role of James Bond(way before the actually movie was made) and then my reaction after
I watched the actual movie. So take your popcorn, clear your brains of any meaningful thoughts, set your sense of logic into stand by…If you have done all of the above successfully(by the way this blog doesn’t take any responsibility for any temporary of permanent brain damage caused to its readers…), get ready to indulge into the reading of another pointless attempt of Deadpoolite to tear apart pop culture(you know usually an introduction to a blog entry has to motivate readers to READ ON, not banish one’s blog into oblivion…Maybe I have to become uber clichéd to lure the masses instead… nahhh too boring, lol).

Deadpoolite... Wacky Deadpoolite... At your blogging service ladies and gentlemen:)

So I remember the infamous day when I read the grave news on the net. Pierce Brosnan was to be "Mr. 007" no more… “Surely” I thought, "if the producers have the balls to replace the guy who has arguably been the best Bond since Sean Connery his replacement has to be some extremely cool and charming guy". Then, I read on… the name of the new actor incarnating Bond was Daniel Craig. My first reaction was “Who?”, then I saw the picture of the guy and the PC screen flickered violently for a brief moment(the spirits of bad casting choice had awakened it seems...). Surely this cant be… this must be a typo… some raving stupid rumour spreading on the net as usual. Then I checked another movie site and another... Nope it wasnt a bad dream... that was certainly the guy who would be James Bond, Daniel Craig. At that exact moment my good friend Alan( I was trespassing on his PC you see, lol) came into the room. He saw the picture of Daniel Craig and he said: "Who is the thug?". Never truer words have been spoken... Being the movie buff that I am I tried to recall some movies where I had seen Daniel Craig in, even if he was as verbal as a garden stool in them. I tried, I really tried. I remembered there was a movie where he played the bastard gigolo of sorts (havent watched it but someone I know has... poor, in another one I've read that he was playing an uber gay guy. Furthermore, I've seen the trailer of a third one called 'Layer Cake' (no it is not about the fine art of bakery, it is a gangster movie, lol). The only movie I have watched him from start to finish in (yeah I am mazochistic like that, it makes my world a better place,ha,ha,ha) was 'Munich' in which he played a dodgy British /Israeli guy (what a stretch for his acting then... he is British...) and he was probably the most indifferent member of the whole cast. And this guy was to be the next Bond...I still couldnt believe it. The following dialogue between myself and Alan ensued(OK, not really but it totally reflects our sentiments on the day...)

Alan: So who is the thug?
DP: Do you have a heart condition?
Alan: Nope, unless you count extreme coolness as a disease of sorts:)
DP: You are so full of BS , you can flood the room you know...
Alan: So who is the thug then?
DP: He is the new James Bond!
Alan: Are they shooting it as a parody?
DP: More like a tragedy waiting to happen...
Alan: So he is definitely the new 007, I guess they want to kill off the property...
DP: Guess so...
Alan: Dude, he is such a thug isnt he?
DP: Yep he was born to be one and he will always be one....just look at his face... He looks like he is the punch bag of Rocky Balboa...
Alan: And that is the understatement of the year...

In the process I discovered a site made by Bond afficionados who were objecting to Daniel Craig's choice as James Bond. They were totally pushing the envelope with the issue but it was a funny place to hung out for a while. I wonder if it is still on-line...

Does he stick out like a sore thumb or what... I mean even Timothy Dalton looks cooler... More of this at : .

So here we are today having watched the new movie a few weeks back... Do I still believe he is a crap choice to play Bond? I have to say that I dont care about great box office numbers, James Bond is such a huge franchise, Danny De Vito could play him and he would still bring lots of money in, LOL. Thus, the argument that "Daniel Thaig" is suitable for the role is as valid as the argument that I am totally sane...Utter BS:) Ok, on with the festivities then. Casino Royale is a great action movie, it is good fun, it has a griddy sense of danger and violence. So, a guy like me should be in 'macho men heaven' if such a place truely exists, just by watching it... right? Well, all is good, until Daniel Craig's close up face shots come in play. He looks like a thug, he looks like a henchman, like a deranged psychopathic hitman of sorts, like a cross dressing inmate of celebrity big brother at best. He looks like anyone else BUT Bond! No amount of bicep power and glittering tuxedo can convince me otherwise. When Daniel Craig tries to play it cool , he plays it "constipation infused cool". He just doesn have it... he is trying...he is sweating... he is smirking... he raises his eyebrow and tightens the upper lip. He makes an attempt to transform into a believable Bond but he just doesnt have IT. I mean I dont think he could flirt, in his Bond persona, with a woman successfully even if his life depended on it. Because Daniel definitely reads my blog (maybe in an alternate universe, lol) I dont want to leave him on a low. I dont want him to go and jump from a high cliff just because DP said so... Behind his bummish doofus appearence hides a sensitive man, a man that "outcockneys the cockniest" among us. In that respect, I present you the best Daniel Craig mugshot known to man! It is the photoshopped image that outphotoshops the most photoshopped images in existence. So, Daniel smile... you may not be Bond per se but this has been a "bonding" (sorry couldnt resist the pun, guilty as charged, LOL) experience with your zero membered fan base.Cherish the moment... Take it on the chin Daniel... it wont be the first time as your face so eloquently "states"...

Presenting you with Bond's ArchNemesis' number one henchman... Wait a minute... this cant be... this is Bond? NOOOOOOO!!!! Movie gods have mercy on us....:) "When Bond went thug or when thug went Bond..." Either way it sucks... Shoot(cinematically not literally ha,ha,ha) the guy from a bird's eye view distance only and you've got something good going on...:) By the way this is him on a good day... This is probably his best photoshopped mugshot ever, so give him a pat on the back then for a job well done:)

If reinventing a franchise, that didnt need reinvention to begin with, means casting on the lead role a guy who looks like he just escaped from a sanitarium and mutters one liners like : "I am aware that 00 agents have a limited life expectancy"
with the coolness and acting ability of an ice block, then all credit to them. Welcome agent ThugBond! I am sure you are here to stay...

Another "tearing apart pop culture" mission successfully completed. Life is so much fun in the little blog universe of agent DP, isn't it:)

Till next time, take care fellow blogging accomplices!

P.S. A little something for the road.... enjoy!

The theme song to end all theme songs :)


Calista said...

U don't like his face, u don't like his acting; poor guy, u r merciless:)

James Bond became joke for me.

I would like to write many things, but somehow they might appear totally different and disconnected (considering your post).

Although I must say,
all my comments are STRICTLY inspired by your posts.

Wandering mind...

Anonymous said...

"Did you have an inherent need to ridicule yourself in front of a reading audience"


MandyPoo said...

I have to say that when I first heard he was playing Bond I was disappointed, but...I must say that I totally disagree with you on the rest. I thought he was a GREAT Bond! He definitely was different than what we've been used to, but I thought he was a better 007 (although I admit he isn't as good looking as the rest...).

Deadpoolite said...


"James Bond became joke for me"

Mission Accomplished then:)


Hello kindred spirit:)


If he wasnt so crap at the quiet, subtle scenes he could have pulled it off. But when he tries to look cool to say something or flirt he is really struggling...He doesnt look witty or intelligent just a mindless brute doofus:)

What can I say I am not sold to the idea of him as Bond:)

The problem is that he doesnt have an inherent effortless charm like most previous Bonds. He is just "trying to" which totally ruins the role. I dont mind Bond being different looking but if you take his charm and wittiness out of the 007 mix there is nothing left to what is already a paper thin caricature of a character:)

MandyPoo said...

I suppose I see your point, but I still thought he was great overall! ;p

Shan said...

Hahaha, hell yeah, I did not feel he was up to the task either...

The guy just doesn't have the original smoothness at all..

I was kinda shocked like you were when they announced this.

When I watched the movie Casino Royale, it wasn't too half bad but the guy just didn't have the skills nor the looks.

A shame.