C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 3 of 3)

Having investigated the premises like a true pro (pro at being a "lazy git" that is, LOL) it was finally time to investigate and resolve once and for all the origin and the purpose of this escalator(of course such grandiose statements usually end up with me having my head up my a.... from desperation but that is an issue to be discussed with my insanist so I will skip the gruesome details for now,lol). This escalator was evil no doubt about it.... Not as evil as me attempting to empty my bladder in plain sight but it was a close second... I approached it with caution... The material was no doubt of earth origin and the design was definitely a bit on the 'minimum acceptable standards' side of things but it was created by human hands. "What madness is this?" I shouted, "I haven't seen anything this insane since my.... my.... my..... well my last post on this blog really:)"

Coming Soon to a blog near you... "Reach the church or die trying"

I walked further uphill as other glorious Lamian citizens were going about their business without giving the escalator a second look. "Is this a mass hypnosis effect so that they don't aknowledge the existence of this out of place abomination? OR some of these people read my blog regularly and they have irreversible brain damage so their deductive logic equals that of a sprout?" I wondered in awe. Nevertheless and with these grave questions littering my accursed brain I observed the high end of the escalator. There was a road perpendicular to the upper part of the escalator followed by a set of stairs leading to a church at the top... This greek tragedy of a picture made the cogs of my brain turn in angles that I wasn't aware were physiologically possible and two case scenarios(more like a one case scenario and an "alien invasion malarchy" that will never see the light of day unless the price is right or the readers demand it...LOL) flashed in front of my eyes as to what the escalator was doing in this "too steep for words" street in the first place....

DP productions proudly presents:

AN ESCALATOR MADE BY MEN TO FACILITATE APPROACH TO THE CHURCH TO AGEING BELIEVERS ( A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SO TO SPEAK)

Let's assume that the escalator was built by humans to aid other humans go up the street and approach the temple of god at the top. Well, this scenario would be almost logical and utterly sane if not for the following:

Assuming that the escalator begins half way up the street and not at the base of it an elder is not particularly helped by it since he has to go up half way the street on foot (come on glorious old war veterans the spirit of "300" demands you give it a go, even if it is a suicide mission, LOL). Maybe the vespa/scooter I saw parked nearby serves that purpose indeed to aid the elders reach the escalator in one piece.

So could this vespa/scooter be a part of " the greater plan" ? Shivers run down my spine just thinking about the huge malarchy at play... LOL

Assuming that one of the unfortunate people to attempt this, doesnt leave his last breath on the asphalt of the street and survives till he reaches the escalator, he will be faced with another riddle. "How to turn the escalator on, since it is permanenty off!" and I don't know a single person who has seen it working apart from daydreaming mumbling fools and dreamy M and Ms eating lunatics...(hey dont look at me... so ok I got a life membership in both of the above clubs...who doesn't... it is perfectly legal after all...lol). Anyway for the sake of argument let's say that either by a stroke of luck (or lightning) someone manages to make the escalator work and he uses it to go up grinning like he won the lottery without even playing (ok, this was insane but the best is yet to come so do not despair just yet, save it for the end... lol). As he would reach the top he would have to cross the street.No biggie really since it is a narrow street and for once not an uphill one! The gods of greek street making have been merciful to the unlucky ageing passerby that would like to reach the church above... it is a miracle I am telling you, LOL.

That doesn't look that bad some elders may actually make it to the church after all...

So after crossing the plain, old fashioned,perfectly even, gloriously unsmoothy specimen of greek asphalt laying on the ground and reach the stairs then what? An ageing geezer would have suffered at least a couple of strokes minimum and a heart attack as an opener just reaching the base of the stairs. Still, there is no end to some people's faith (or stupidity) so I guess at least one heroic senile citizen of Lamia would reach that landmark. All that separates "the faithful from their faith" is a bunch of uphill stairs, not exactly a handful of stairs a bit more than that.

...and then reality kicks in... let's face it, they are dead! :)

Hypothetically speaking an old man with advanced military training (even if that was during his long gone youth...) and the willingless to lose a couple of limbs in the process or have some vital organs abandoning all will to continue functioning could do it(or at least get the medal of "the open palm" for trying...For non-greeks... there will be an explanation of what this means in a future post...greeks know what I mean,LOL). So whoever reaches the church would be blessed and happy and giggly and content that he still "got what it takes" to survive this ordeal and reach the church. Then, he would look down and the realisation would hit him hard like a ton of bricks : "Bummer, I have to go all the way down as well..."

A sign of "intelligent" life maybe...? Let's give it a shot: "Take me to your leader!!!". Sigh... no response... LOL!!!

After the above autopsy of the premises and this insane theory on what the criteria to build this "travesty of an escalator" were, I cracked a smile thinking of my readers either laughing or crying from desperation(mission accomplished...heh).Then, I went on my merry way to create another 'blogging madness' scenario for the next post. Never a dull moment with this DP character it seems...

Another death defying stunt by an anonymous biker... will he make it down the street in one piece? Being the supreme humanitarian that I am (LOL), I got the local hospital's number on speed dial just in case:)

Take care and I hope this was an OK read for the ones among you that are still among the living, after reaching the bitterly insane end:) Yeah, I am a gentleman like that... I care ... for my blog's stats:)

Till next time friends!

Letting the heart do the talking...

You know I don't normally bare my soul in this blog since the greek blog serves this purpose better. This doesn't mean that I don't like or want to share things with the people over here, quite the contrary actually, but I created "Deadpool's Laughing Den" to satisfy a different need so to speak. The need to be outgoing, witty, pushing the enveloppe with over the top humour and make people smile. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but the intentions are there to see in plain sight. Either way I am having great fun with this blog since it has its own unique style and all!

Ideally life would be something like this... (god this pic is SO cheesy... the only reason I used it was because I really couldn't fit it anywhere else, LOL)

However, at this particular moment I do want to share something with you folks. I don't know maybe it is because at the moment sharing this with anyone else would leave a sour taste in the mouth. A taste of half words and half truths, leaving a non-liberating residue behind. So what is the big "Deadpoolitian revelation" you are probably asking yourselves as I am typing this in. Oh well, time to get the proverbial rabbit out of the hat... For approximately a month now, I have been experiencing something unique on a personal level. Something that has overwhelmed me in every way possible and to be honest something that I wasn't ready for . Okay, okay it involves a woman , duh!

Need I say more... a woman... I am doomed beyond redemption aren't I? LOL!!!

You know all of those overhyped rom coms where things that don't make sense happen but still romantic fools like ourselves grin at them because deep inside we hope that life worked out like that for everyone. Well what is currently going on kind of puts the cheesiest rom coms to shame to be honest:) I have been in love before but this is the first time I caught myself suffering even at an organic level. It is like I am doing things in my life on auto pilot while this aura of someone haunts my dreams be it in my sleep or in my waking moments. I can't believe that I am so awestruck with someone that I know for like a month or so but it is true to an extent that I wasn't prepared for.

"Problem" is, she totally feels the same way which is kind of too much happiness and too much burden to have at this point in my life.What makes things more peculiar and somewhat amusing, albeit in a twisted way, is that she is the last person I expected to be attracted to from a visual standpoint of view not because she is ugly (she is cute no doubt about it) but because she is not the type of woman I have been associated with in the past, in more ways than one. Same goes for her and how she perceives me and I know so because we have talked about every fricking aspect of this "relationship in the making" more than UN negotiators do about the Middle East problem:). What is truely amazing is how we both aknowledge the inherent difficulties and obstacles blocking our way, we both realize the absurdity of how fast things took the turn from friendly chat to all out love and still we remain hopeful about the whole thing. I don't know this whole level of absolute understanding between a man and a woman is too much sometimes, truth be told I never thought I would live anything remotely close to it...

The future will have a lot of this I am sure but not too much...

There is a shitload of obstacles at the moment predominantly with my career and its future as well as with distance, which will be an issue in a year's time or so, if we are still together. Despite the current and future adversities of making this relationship work, there is this one aspect of it that never ceases to amaze me. Every single time I think something is totally screwed up, she always says the right thing and she shows an amazing willingless to adapt to the situation. I think it is too early to say anything finite but if I wasn't trapped in a hiatus of enforced choices that has me a 'hostage of sorts' for the next year or so, I could honestly say that I found the woman of my life. Chances are that we won't last that long because of circumstances beyond our control but I am going to give it my best shot.

The hardest thing to do is to put all of this into some sort of logical perspective especially when you see the other side be ready to turn her life upside down for your sake! I mean when someone is willing to give so much how on earth do you refuse. I think a time will come in upcoming months when I will have to make an important choice about my future and my willingless to make 'my' future , 'our' future. It isn't a fear of commitment, I never had that as a person, it is a matter of shielding myself so I won't get seriously hurt in the process if things don't work out. Plus there are other priorities as well and dreams to follow that I am not ready to adapt or compromise just yet. It is called 'learning from past mistakes' I am told...

But at the end of the day this is all that matters... I hope I am lucky(?, LOL) enough to reach this point with her...

For what it is worth I want to say "Vivi I love you and thank you for coming to my life!" just to get it out of my system...

I already feel better just by sharing this...

P.S.: Οh you are soooooo going to kill me off with your witty remarks and sarcastic comments I just know it, LOL. Oh well, bring on the "pain" I can take it:)


Christos

DP's Laughing Den is officially a dangerously wacky place to hang out at...

I did not intend to write anything this week since I am busy in Athens and I need some time off blogging anyway. Still, there is no escape from the monster that is 'commenting' on affiliated blogs. In that vein, I visited the blogging uber awesomeness that is Mrs Mandypoo's blog and I saw this link that provides supposed blog ratings based on 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate' key words scattered inside someone's blog entries (how exciting... yawn...lol). If memory serves I had used something similar before several months ago and I was deemed to be a mere NC-17 blog whatever the f...k that means:) Still, I gave it another go and I got the crown jewel of all ratings the R-rating. When I saw the rating verdict flash on my PC screen (actually my cousins' PC screen but who cares...) I laughed like a madman on crack I have to say. I mean ok this blog oozes from a wacky sense of humour but "Come on... an R-rating" , I am not molesting anything I am not supposed to here in this blog corner, at least I am only doing it verbally unlike some other people, LOL.

So then I had a good look at the layout and overall appearence of the blog to see if it gives away the 'wrong' message so to speak. Actually I didn't because severe constipation kinda of blurred my vision but the intention was there, LOL. So let's kickoff this pointless post of shameless blog promotion on the right foot and have a look at my header.

Ah the glorious Deadpoolite inspired and TCRA designed and refined header. What is not to like in this politically incorrect and provoking artistic masterpiece(I am so full of it...lol). The little DP cheekily peeking behind the folding header, the dynamite ready to explode, the little welcoming poem underneath or the killer moto next to the dynamite. And don't get me started on "the Merc with a mouth!" (also known as "if I ever read an R-rated phrase in my life this is it" type of header title, LOL) madness... I mean this header is so provocative on so many levels I can't believe they haven't re-written the blog rating scales just because of it (ok, I am genuinely laughing now ladies and gentlement, ah, the absurdity of it all, the madness, sweet madness, hmmm... a tad sour at the very end... but genuinely sweet nonetheless, lol).

"Does my butt look fat in this?"... Dammit... that was another improper remark on my behalf... This remark was so "R-rated" that it makes my previous "R-rated" comments blush, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!!

Then we move on lower ( no this isnt a description of a porn vid, this is essentially some intentional blog stripping...) ... My eyes fall on the sidebar... it is so "R-rated" it defies belief... I mean "oh my gosh!" what do we have here in random order of no consequence whatsoever:

1) a profile with a cheeky intro text and a butchering avatar,
2) a set of archives that have the same effect on people like the VHS tapes on "The Ring" movies,
3)a pointless picture of a trenchcoat wearing DP just blogging through,
4)a known blogging accomplices list as dangerous(not to mention booby trapped) as the man himself,
5)an aquatic blue chatbox with subliminal messages like "eat M and M's till you burst" hiding behind the seemingly innocuous exterior design
6)a counter of reading souls that have been forever trapped in this neverending loop of blogging madness that is "Deadpool's Laughing Den",
7)a list of blog entries labels with names so insane... only an "R-rated" wacky fool like DP could have ever come up with

Dammit, this place is truely evil! I have to split, I have to make a run for it, I have to survive... from laughter... till the next blog entry, LOL!


Essentially, I made this post because it seems ridiculous that a blog like mine that has most curse words mostly implied and cut (simply because I don't want them to be the main source of humour in this blog and not because I have some mislead false sense of political and verbal correctness, lol) is R-rated. Unless "R" stands for "Rioting humouristic lunatic on premises" in which case I am more than happy to oblige. Yep, I am R-rated to the bone ladies and gentlemen, so I expect you to be reading this blog in the presence of your parents or by e-mailing me some sort of note from your legal guardians saying that you are allowed to read even if it means that your mental health as you know it is over, LOL!

Take care and come next weekend I will be finishing "the escalator thing".

Till next time then...

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 2 of 3)

St Nickolas street, what lies beneath this divine name I wonder?

I finally arrived at "the scene of this crime against aesthetics and waste of money for no apparent reason" (what a mouthful,lol). I scouted the area with my investigating eyes (you see writing "sleepy eyes" instead doesnt sound cool,lol). There a were a few cars parked opposite the escalator standing there like silent mechanical guards of doom(someone in this blog watched the "Transformers" movie one time too many it seems, LOL). St Nickolas street is an uphill one with a bit of a steep slope that leads , after bypassing a flat of stairs as well, to the eponymous church of St Nickolas.

Exhibit number 1, a picture from the base of the street or a living nightmare for any "unfit" person(dont look at DP he is a special insanity op,lol, too mentally fit for words to grasp) .Dammit, a street going uphill!!! Pedestrian gods have mercy:)

There was no pedestrian in sight, thus I approached with caution doing the chicken dance in the process(I know you are left wondering if I actually did it, I'll let you sleep on it, LOL) since it was a chance to publicly display a level of baffoonism previously unheard for an adult person with no apparent legal consequence ( I live for those moments of extreme madness you see, they turn my world around so to speak,lol). As I approached the mysterious escalator, the cogs of my deductive logic kicked in started taking in all the evidence on display: An escalator, a street going uphill, some potentially transforming cars, a church standing tall further ahead... With the above sane and insane pieces of the puzzle dancing merrily in my head I reached the base of the structure itself.

You know if we put a couple of ancient columns next to it maybe just maybe this abomination of a structure could be taken for some token of ancient greek wisdom and craftmanship by naive tourists that would believe anything:). Then again maybe not...:)

As I was observing the fine artistry and ridiculously generic design (now that is how a proper contradictory statement sounds like if I ever heard one,lol) of this escalator I noticed some peculiar pink tablet shaped structures at the bottom of it. What could those be? Force field boundaries so that noone could deviate from reaching the escalator itself? Step trails of the makers of this escalator who could be of alien origin? The mutating remains of some stick chewing gums that evolved to the next level of gum evolution affected by global warming and an excess of public littering? Was it just my mind playing tricks on me after one dose of M and M's too many? All validly insane questions with no appropriately wacky answers....

Sidetracking ants or flying bugs during nightime was not a concern anymore... the glowing pink pellets of doom would guide them to the escalator with safety...ah every little detail accounted for in this fine construction:)

As I osberved the side part of the escalator my blood froze in the viewing of the words "Soris Trunks Fern" signed by a being called "FJS". My blood did not freeze because of the writings but because I remembered I left the oven on back at my appartment so there was a good chance I was already owner of an incineratingly cool appartment and I just didnt know it just yet,lol. Still, there were more important things concerning me than some pesky shelter insecurities. I ran the initials FJS by my brain but it did not reply... I knocked harder at the outer portion of my skull and the old bugger finally went on-line once more. So FJS eh? "Furious Jade Son of a bit...." was an obvious choice, as was "Fat Junkyard Sister" and "Free Junk Sale" before it. "Fast Jello Shouting" sounded more nuts than the rest so I rolled with it:)

"Soris Trunks Fern" by FJS... Obviously some people have way too much free time in their hands... hey dont look at me that way:)

I walked further uphill to get a better perspective of the weird escalator that was plaguing the streets of my hometown. I tried to locate a handle, a switch something to activate it without causing a state of emergency in town or some sort of nuclear fusion but nothing. The escalator seemed to have never been used not by a material being anyway and just stood there silent. Since there are some laws preventing it in Greece , I just couldnt grab the first pedestrian in sight and beat the truth out of him as violently as possible (STUPID LEGISLATION!!!) so I had to use more of my insanity fuelled deductive logic (ooookkkk, my brain is on fire, no more thinking please...). From the top I noticed that the space between the escalator and the parked cars at the other side of the road was quite narrow so obviously only stuntmen drivers could drive down the street without scraping all the scenery out of existence. So maybe this street wasnt a hazard against safe driving but a stuntman training ground... hmmm... as good as any theory I would come up with , in part 3:) Yep, it is time to go and I know I am pushing the boundaries of human endurance and patience by writing a third and final post about this but who cares, it is all good mindless fun, just what the doctor ordered then:)

Better leave your SUV at home ladies and gentlemen... narrow "to the point of suicidal" gap in the premises:)

When I think this street cant look any shittier a new picture comes and sets a new unpreceded standard of crapiness... this is a view from the top but not the VERY top , tune in to Part 3 for the finale of this DP obsession fuelled blogging opus of sorts:)



To be continued (and concluded) in Part 3!

Till then reset your sanity meter, have a brain check up to see if the old lug is still alive and kicking and stay tuned for the conspiracy theories extravaganza that I will unleash upon you in part 3, LOL!


P.S.: For the people among you that havent read Part 1, reading this part alone is kind of pointless really... So, take a sip of your coffee, take a deep breath and arm yourselves with courage... You have to read Part 1! So be a good blog reader and take the challenge like a man/woman!


Take care people!

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 1 of 3)

(This story is totally fictional and was inspired by an actual escalator that exists in my town and has no apparent reason of existence. This only came to my attention a couple of weeks ago. More on that on Part 2)

It was another morning massacred by annoying alarm clocks in the town of Lamia, Greece. I woke up early (DP P.I. at your service), opened the blinds and the morning sun burnt my eyes with its ferocity. As I was about to drink some coffee and smoke an invisible cigar(you see Holywood cliches demand I do so, although I am a non-smoker, LOL) to get some sort of perspective on the day that was unfolding before me, the phone rang. "Who the f...k could it be this early in the morning at 11.oo a.m.?" I groaned with detestation (oh, I am such a hard worker it is unbelievable,lol).

There is nothing better than kickstarting your day with the right mentality... with me... this is the ONLY mentality by default, LOL.

The voice at the other end of the line wasn't a horny Eva Mendes begging me to mate with her as I had hoped, but an uneventful creepy voice right out of "horror movies creepy voices 101" class. The following dialogue ensued between Merc and unknown female voice (drums rolling... since there is no audio take my word for it, LOL):

DP: Hello... Echoooo.....1,2,3....Echooo....

Uneventful Female Voice (UFV) : There is a storm coming your way mortal.... (UFV eh? Sounds like a bloody shampoo constituent doesnt it? LOL)

DP(looking outside the window): Ehhh... nope it is a beautiful day outside... nothing peculiar about it... only a babe coming by my window on the street... it is a hot redhead... I wonder if it is anyone I knew in a past life or one of my female links... hmmm...yammy!

UFV: Look up at the sky... doesnt what you see freeze your blood?

DP(looking bored) : Nope.... looks clear...

UFV : It cant be! Let me try again (clearing throat to sound more ominous)! Look outside your window again! Anything now?

DP (slightly annoyed and properly amused) : Nope still looks clear... Give me something woman, work with me woman, work with me...

UFV: I will never f...g buy batteries from E-Bay ever again! Bloody seller had like 98% positive reviews and I got fricking robbed, I am the 2% goddamit, I am the damn 2% that got f...d up the as...

DP: Watch it lady this is still an NC-17 rated blog, although it is an R-rated blog at heart!

UFV: Ok, I will just send a bloody e-mail... how damn anticlimactic! I mean did I ask for much? Just a damn solid entrance into this blog entry, some ominous lightnings, some dim lighting, but nooo.... nothing works out as planned.... all I get are some dead batteries from godforsaken E-Bay.... Damn! I am always part of the negative stats of the bloody thing... story of my life... oh gods of pointless e-shopping what have I done to deserve this curse of continuous non-successful on-line purchasing!

DP: Just shut up and shut up! Send the damn e-mail and I will gladly end your misery by unleashing all my crap jokes upon you in quick succession!!!

UFV: This is a fate worse than death!!! Please spare me!!! Be merciful and just shoot me!!!

DP: Nah, it wont be messy enough, crap jokes and illussions of grandeur is all you are going to get from me muhahahaha!!! Now send the e-mail before I kickstart the crap joke onslaught...

UFV: Okkkkaaayyy.... (hunging up the phone)


As soon as the phone tone died out I heard the familiar sound of Bruce Campbell's voice saying " Gottcha didnt I you little sucker!" that dictates I got a new e-mail on my inbox. I opened the DP 'uber e-mail account' and it was full of spam mail!!! Looking appropriately bewildered I raised my fists in the air shouting loudly at the great beyond : "For crying out loud, internet gods where art thou? For once I want to log in to my pathetic e-mail account and find the e-mail I want waiting for me like a faithful puppy and not try to find it in a sea of sex pills, sex crazed women, easily obtained University degrees and bloody internet ads! Just for once I want to feel like I got a normal e-mail account and not some travesty of relentless spamming ready to consume me!!! Sigh...".

Superwacky sense of humour or not, there is no superpower on earth to protect one from spam mail... creepy... LOL

As soon as I progressed through the sea of ridiculous malarchy showered upon me I located the e-mail I wanted via my trusty GPS(Global Positioning System) .Yep, THAT much spam... LOL. The e-mail was comprised by the mission objective for the day (hey, those videogame staples will hunt me to my inevitable demise when I eventually burst from excess M and M's consumption I am sure... I mean where else except from videogaming you can say "Mission Objective" and get away with it, LOL). This pointless passage of semi-coherent written english read as follows:

' There has been an incident in Racoon City (always wanted to write that, I am a big Resident Evil fan what can I do, LOL, okay, okay e-mail starts now geez... there is no pleasing some people...). There has been an incident in Lamia City (see how gay that sounds? You only have yourselves to blame dear readers...). An unidentified escalator has suddenly appeared in the uphill street of St Nickolas. It just appeared one day in a shower of light, for no apparent reason and just stands there, silent, ominous, pointless, staring into the great beyond as well as at the church at the top of the stairs. Some say the day of judgement is here, some say that an alien invasion is imminent, others are sure that it is another display of pointlessly wasted public money just to show that something is being given back to the community by local authorities... You have been summoned DP, for all intents and purposes, to investigate the scene of this crime against common sense and basic aesthetics... We have faith in you, us, the forces of supernatural malarchy that are bored out of our minds, so send mortals to pointless errands for our amusement. Basically, we had only one criterion for your choice for this ridiculous mission, you are the only one insane enough to do it and who can spare some time of his life investigating what is essentially a fool's errand....

P.S. Death to E-Bay, bloody batteries still not working! '

Cheesy one liner coming up... beware my dear readers... beware...lol

I deleted the e-mail, took a sip of my coffee, wondered if anyone of my readers has reached this far down this insanity fuelled post and what the longterm effects for their mental health will be... and then uttered in appropriately baffoonish ecstasy one of the cheesiest lines I will ever write in this blog (cover your ears dear readers...) : "DP to the rescue!!!" (Damn this was so cheesy I barely made it out alive, LOL).


I guess there are worse "disguises" out there than the DP outfit, LOL. Peter Sellers rocked by the way!!!

I wore my DP outfit just to blend in with the crowd (LOL... that was funny... I can just imagine me walking in the streets of Lamia with a Deadpool costume on greeting people left and right... hahahaha, an image of the future perhaps... right before the men in the white robes catch me of course, LOL) and was on my merry way to investigate the sight of the ' weird escalator sighting'... I would solve this mystery even at the expense of the sanity of my readers... I was THAT determined :)


To be continued in part 2...


Take care all and watch out this space for Part 2 (there is a slight chance there will be a third one as well depending on inspiration, but for now this is a two parter so there is a good chance you will escape from my blogging clutches with some sanity intact, LOL)... (UPDATE 8/10/07: Well as you know by now, there is going to be a PART 3 as well, bummer!!! LOL)

DP out!