Friday, 26 October 2007

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 3 of 3)

Having investigated the premises like a true pro (pro at being a "lazy git" that is, LOL) it was finally time to investigate and resolve once and for all the origin and the purpose of this escalator(of course such grandiose statements usually end up with me having my head up my a.... from desperation but that is an issue to be discussed with my insanist so I will skip the gruesome details for now,lol). This escalator was evil no doubt about it.... Not as evil as me attempting to empty my bladder in plain sight but it was a close second... I approached it with caution... The material was no doubt of earth origin and the design was definitely a bit on the 'minimum acceptable standards' side of things but it was created by human hands. "What madness is this?" I shouted, "I haven't seen anything this insane since my.... my.... my..... well my last post on this blog really:)"

Coming Soon to a blog near you... "Reach the church or die trying"

I walked further uphill as other glorious Lamian citizens were going about their business without giving the escalator a second look. "Is this a mass hypnosis effect so that they don't aknowledge the existence of this out of place abomination? OR some of these people read my blog regularly and they have irreversible brain damage so their deductive logic equals that of a sprout?" I wondered in awe. Nevertheless and with these grave questions littering my accursed brain I observed the high end of the escalator. There was a road perpendicular to the upper part of the escalator followed by a set of stairs leading to a church at the top... This greek tragedy of a picture made the cogs of my brain turn in angles that I wasn't aware were physiologically possible and two case scenarios(more like a one case scenario and an "alien invasion malarchy" that will never see the light of day unless the price is right or the readers demand it...LOL) flashed in front of my eyes as to what the escalator was doing in this "too steep for words" street in the first place....

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Let's assume that the escalator was built by humans to aid other humans go up the street and approach the temple of god at the top. Well, this scenario would be almost logical and utterly sane if not for the following:

Assuming that the escalator begins half way up the street and not at the base of it an elder is not particularly helped by it since he has to go up half way the street on foot (come on glorious old war veterans the spirit of "300" demands you give it a go, even if it is a suicide mission, LOL). Maybe the vespa/scooter I saw parked nearby serves that purpose indeed to aid the elders reach the escalator in one piece.

So could this vespa/scooter be a part of " the greater plan" ? Shivers run down my spine just thinking about the huge malarchy at play... LOL

Assuming that one of the unfortunate people to attempt this, doesnt leave his last breath on the asphalt of the street and survives till he reaches the escalator, he will be faced with another riddle. "How to turn the escalator on, since it is permanenty off!" and I don't know a single person who has seen it working apart from daydreaming mumbling fools and dreamy M and Ms eating lunatics...(hey dont look at me... so ok I got a life membership in both of the above clubs...who doesn't... it is perfectly legal after Anyway for the sake of argument let's say that either by a stroke of luck (or lightning) someone manages to make the escalator work and he uses it to go up grinning like he won the lottery without even playing (ok, this was insane but the best is yet to come so do not despair just yet, save it for the end... lol). As he would reach the top he would have to cross the street.No biggie really since it is a narrow street and for once not an uphill one! The gods of greek street making have been merciful to the unlucky ageing passerby that would like to reach the church above... it is a miracle I am telling you, LOL.

That doesn't look that bad some elders may actually make it to the church after all...

So after crossing the plain, old fashioned,perfectly even, gloriously unsmoothy specimen of greek asphalt laying on the ground and reach the stairs then what? An ageing geezer would have suffered at least a couple of strokes minimum and a heart attack as an opener just reaching the base of the stairs. Still, there is no end to some people's faith (or stupidity) so I guess at least one heroic senile citizen of Lamia would reach that landmark. All that separates "the faithful from their faith" is a bunch of uphill stairs, not exactly a handful of stairs a bit more than that.

...and then reality kicks in... let's face it, they are dead! :)

Hypothetically speaking an old man with advanced military training (even if that was during his long gone youth...) and the willingless to lose a couple of limbs in the process or have some vital organs abandoning all will to continue functioning could do it(or at least get the medal of "the open palm" for trying...For non-greeks... there will be an explanation of what this means in a future post...greeks know what I mean,LOL). So whoever reaches the church would be blessed and happy and giggly and content that he still "got what it takes" to survive this ordeal and reach the church. Then, he would look down and the realisation would hit him hard like a ton of bricks : "Bummer, I have to go all the way down as well..."

A sign of "intelligent" life maybe...? Let's give it a shot: "Take me to your leader!!!". Sigh... no response... LOL!!!

After the above autopsy of the premises and this insane theory on what the criteria to build this "travesty of an escalator" were, I cracked a smile thinking of my readers either laughing or crying from desperation(mission accomplished...heh).Then, I went on my merry way to create another 'blogging madness' scenario for the next post. Never a dull moment with this DP character it seems...

Another death defying stunt by an anonymous biker... will he make it down the street in one piece? Being the supreme humanitarian that I am (LOL), I got the local hospital's number on speed dial just in case:)

Take care and I hope this was an OK read for the ones among you that are still among the living, after reaching the bitterly insane end:) Yeah, I am a gentleman like that... I care ... for my blog's stats:)

Till next time friends!


Jay Cam said...

lol i would like to see him (biker man dude) ride down all those stairs...

who can imagine how many elders died of a cardiac arrest trying to get up that hil...

maybe the church is one huge conspiracy against elderly people?...

Jay Cam said...

hello lol

Zhu said...

See, I was right : it was a "stairway to heaven" case !

Love these steps... and after people complain that religion is losing the battle blahblahblah. Well duh: people are dying of an heart attack every time they attempt to worship. Not fair. So not fair.

These Greek... :$

Calista*Was*Here said...

I like sunny days presented on pics (sigh).
Summer, I need Summer!
and Vespa (another sigh)

What was it about?!
Imparted 'insanity' works, I guess:)

Deadpoolite said...

@jay cam

That makes two of us:)

Less elders, less pensions... I am sure the state couldn't be happier with the " high massacre rate" that can be potentially achieved by this escalator:)


What can I say great(ly insane) minds think alike:)

Come to think of it that escalator doesn't lead people to the church but it "elevates" them to a whole different plane of existence(as in R.I.P.). Great advanced thinking from the Greek state...


Sunny days in pics are cool... Pointless escalators in greek streets are not:)

Still, you need a sense of humour to survive in this beautiful country of ours and greeks have that in spades, so no worries really:)

siryn said...

Typical Greek madness, but we manage to survive, anyhow!lol
Part 3 was the funniest, my love!
Well, well done!

BrentD said...

Can I get one of those escalators installed on my treadmill?

It's like that thing never ends.

Shan said...

You're lucky...