A tale of utter foolishness in the blog of glorious madness...

So where have I been all this time one of my last remaining readers may wonder... OK, let's get the weird stuff out of the way. As the title suggests this post is not about any earth shattering events in my life, it is not about my childish past times or philosophical mood swings about the state of things. No, no, no... this is just a nutter's swansong for 2007, a fatal blow to my absence from this blog for a couple of weeks now. It seems these days I am always absent for a couple of weeks at a time(maybe I am cursed and a post per couple of weeks is all I get which could be a blessing for some people I suppose, LOL). Regardless, I am ambitious enough to try and write a post full of nothingness ,oh the awesomeness of someone typing words in just for the sake of it is unmistakeably a Deadpoolian trait. In fact I could trademark it, draw a tatoo on my forehead stating that only I can exercise such foul boring practises and be done with it:).

A man has to keep himself entertained during this 'merry season of the year' and I am no exception... Eat this Santa!!!! For all the gifts you never delivered to me... still waiting for that Optimus Prime toy by the way, LOL!

Ah, the thrill of 'blogging uber lameness' is a shortlived one though... I have to write about something meaningful even if I do it in a pointless way (did that even make sense... well some people would say that my acquaintance with a straitjacket has been long overdue while I would say that sanity is highly overrated, it is all a matter of perspective really,lol). Ok, let's see how DP has been doing in some non-blogging aspects of his life during this 'festivities period'. Yeah, that should keep my 2 remaining readers still around or drive them over the edge irreversibly... It is a risk I am willing to take so no worries:)

Well let's kickstart this DP extravaganza with the eating habits of these past couple of weeks. Being an ex-guy 'who ate a tad more than normal' and a current guy 'who eats sensibly' this is a bit of a peculiar period for me. All those delicacies flying around are teasing me to devour them, no doubt about it. And then, when eating insticts kick in and I am ready to eat like there is no tomorrow, there is this sudden surge of logic sinking in my psyche, putting me in the restraining shackles of "being proper" and "eating sensibly". Thus, suddenly, one of the more enjoyable things during Christmass and New Year's Eve , eating, becomes a mission impossible of sorts and certainly not the guilty pleasure that it used to be not so long ago... BUMMER!!!

As you can see the Deadpool toys had some 'nasty side effects' for the unfortunate kids that purchased them... So parents all around the world beware, Deadpool's branded products are seriously R-rated... raving mad R-rated that is :)

Then comes the girlfriend crisis and the fact that my girl is not close by these most "rom Komy" of days. So, that means, that unless Eva Mendes lifts that restraining order against me and she finally gives in to my stalking advances, sex life is pretty much an utopian condition that I am not going to experience during these troubled fat free times(as you can see being sensible about devouring delicacies during the holidays has come at a great personal cost... oh well at least not in calories, LOL).

It is not all gloom in the horizon though... I mean I got Assassin's Creed on Xbox360 right? Well, the more I play this game the more I realise it is more of a publicity stunt than a game. Don't get me wrong technically it is superb and being an assassin in the times of the crusades is pretty original but the gameplay is getting a bit repetitive. I guess that would explain why I bought Bioshock then, LOL. Now, the problem with Bioshock is not the game itself but me attempting to play what is essentially a first person survival horror game in the midst of the Christmass period. I am sure you appreciate the irony, especially if you consider that I am not alone in the house and family waves are attacking my ranks with worrying regularity. So how on earth can I go about my merry way shooting mutants and sending them to 'another plane of existence' when people around me in the house are too busy exchanging pleasantries until someone 'sugar overdoses' and tolerating eachother while in the immediate vicinity with alarming diplomacy? Yeah, I know, it seems that survival horror is not on my TV screen after all but right there in my living room ha,ha,ha,ha!!! And it is a hell of a lot cheaper than the videogame let me tell you...

I am a sucker for making an 'over the top' entrance into the next year...ah the nerve of some people:)

Still, there is no doubt that all this coziness of the holiday period makes someone feel a bit special these days. I dont know maybe it is the promise of a better forthcoming year that raises the bar of expectation too high or just the fact that a lot of people have the occassional leisure to enjoy the simple things in life that are 'too time consuming' during the rest of the year. For me 2008 will be pretty much a year 'running on auto-pilot' and I will elaborate on this in a future post in January.

Till then, I want to say that I really wish I could visit your blogs more often and just comment as often as I used to (I will be unleashing a commenting marathon towards your way sooner rather than later be sure of that). I miss the interaction with you people more than writing itself or so I keep telling myself. I guess blogging life goes around in circles with its ups and downs, peaks and lows... just like real life then:)

I wish you all to be healthy above all else, to be optimistic about the future even at the face of adversity because if you managed to make a guy at the other side of the world, who is never going to meet you personally, care, then pretty much anything else is as simple as DP muttering a sentence making sense. Come to think of it, that latter thing isn't particularly simple....bummer!!! Ha,ha,ha,ha!!!

Till next time... take care guys and girls and I wish you all the best for the upcoming year!

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (Duel of the fates-Part 3 of 3)

For the ones among you not in the know, this is the final part of a trilogy of posts, so you might as well check the previous parts to get the complete picture. If you wish to do so, just click the links below:

Part 1

Part 2


On with the festivities of part 3 then...

The shop assistant stared at me for a second like a man wanting to confess a really dark secret. He eyed my priced possession with dismay before unleashing his verbal spikes towards my way... The following conversation ensued between a consumer in a shopping frenzy and a shop assistant knowing what is what...:

Shop Assistant (SA) : Is that the Xbox360 that goes for 299 Euros?

Deadpoolite (DP) : Xbox360 proud owner reporting for duty, sir, yes sir!

SA: Not so fast son... there is something you should know about this particular Xbox360...

DP: Is it really an Xbox with an Xbox360 faceplate ? Speak man, speak or silence forever!!!

SA: The reason that this Xbox360 is priced so cheaply is because it has no controller bundled with it!

DP (in a state of shock): What do you mean it has no controller in the package? It states it clearly on the box that it has one inside!

SA: Some malakas forced the box open and got the controller out so we had to price it this cheaply to sell it... Besides, information printed on boxes is highly overrated to begin with...

DP (infuriated): And when were you planning to tell me this exactly? After I got home and opened the damn box!!! I can pay for a separate controller but I am pissed off now and since decapitating you won't fix my mood, I am putting this back to its shelf!!!

SA(he could't care less): Okkkk....

I wish my "stalker" was as cute as Ayame from the Tenchu game series but no such luck... It was just another "horny" gamer waiting for his chance to taste some next gen gaming goodness. Little did he know of how things would eventually turn out for him...:)

As I was approaching the shelf with my now ex-possession(?) in hand, thinking what nasty things I could do to the shop assistant while in the electronics section of the store, I caught a glimpse of a threatening shadow approaching cautiously behind me. It was another customer that had smelt "blood in the air" or more like the smell of a seriously underpriced Xbox360 bundled with a killer game. As I put the box back to its shelf I couldnt let it go! I really wanted to find the motivation to pick it up, buy the damn controller and get out of that place. But "principle is principle", so I just stood there half kneeling before it, thinking what to do. As I was pondering the fate of this purchase, the shadow that was stalking me took shape in the form of a 20+ year old. The shop assistant saw potential and started marketing the Xbox360 to the other guy, while telling me:

SA: So are you going to buy it or what?

DP: Do you find it professional that you advertise a product and it is half opened?

SA: Look I talked to you in greek alright, you understand greek right? Take it or leave it!

DP: Look malakas!!! I am a fucking paying customer here, so you might as well show me some more respect or I won't be responsible for my actions!!!

SA(taking a step back): Okay...take your time...

In the meantime, the other guy behind me was sweating like a pig resembling a Big Brother candidate waiting to be evicted... He only needed a moment's hesitance on my behalf to "feast" on the gaming juices of this Xbox360. I peeked behind my back gleefully and looked at him with a stare that said : "Sorry dude, this is just not your day...". As soon as this little "gamers' mystagogy" of sorts ended, I shouted out my ultimatum that echoed ominously in the isles of the megastore:

The shop assistant's indifference and the gaming vulture's 'breathing over my neck' wouldn't go unpunished, ready, steady, aim, fire!!! I would eventually prevail, no doubt about it:)

"Screw this! I am buying it!!!". As I muttered these words, leaving the other potential Xbox360 owner nearly in tears (eat this you vulturing scum!!!) I grabbed a wireless controller from the shelf and went to the cash register. There was a queue there and since I had a lot of purchases (a console, a game and a controller) I left my items on an empty register which was closing down (end of shift) until my turn on the open register came.Shortly after, a woman in the queue talked to me:

Senile woman(SW): Why dont you use this register instead so we can pay faster as well...

DP(in a slightly sarcastic tone): Maybe it is because it is closed down, just a lucky guess on my behalf...

SW: But I see the young lady behind you... she is still here...

DP: Her shift has ended...she is just closing down the register...

SW: But she is still here...

DP(angrily) :Look lady, do you think this is my idea of fun or something, waiting on an empty register just for the kicks of it!!! I said the register is closed!!! Do we have an understanding...?

SW: .....



I wanted to purchase Assasin's Creed and after dealing effectively with the "Mrs impatience 2007" intervention I finally fulfilled my goal for the day! Yep, I am a man of immense ambition, no doubt about it, LOL!


The moronic moral of the story is to never piss an angry gamer standing in a cash register, especially not when the game he is about to purchase is called "Assasin's Creed"... LOL!!! The young woman whose shift had just ended smiled at me in an atypical "Thank you!" response. As my turn came to pay, I was in for another pleasant surprise that cemented my belief that this Xbox360 was meant for me and me only... The shop employee hit the barcode in the counter (the price on it was 299 Euros) and the amount came down to 254 Euros, that would be 50+ Euros less than advertised on the price tag! I don't know how it happened and noone seemed to care, so with the separate controller purchase I ended up paying 293 Euros in total!!! Yep, it seems that the gods of gaming had showered me with their mercy for my persistence to venture into the next generation of gaming at any cost:)

As I reunited with my girlfriend, who was standing a bit further back during this "register massacre", and before I started narrating to her my little "shopping adventure", I couldn't shake the feeling that Christmass had come early for me this year, in more ways than one...



Till next time then, take care all!

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (A gamer in turmoil-Part 2 of 3)

So the big day was finally upon me. I was ready to go out and propose to Eva Mendes(eh....oookkk... minor typo there....hehehe) and buy a next gen console, I mean. I had fought the longing for some next gen gaming for too long I just had to see what the fuss was about. As I entered the first megastore, I moved with the grace of a gaming addict on the verge of madness towards the shelves were Wii games were displayed.... Wii games "yes", Wii consoles "no" though. Shivers ran down my spine, I had to buy the damn thing even if I had to start selling my body parts for it (having two kidneys is highly overrated but then again maybe I'll hold on to them for a little bit longer just to be on the safe side...). Wii was out of stock it seemed and I evacuated the premises before I started to 'verbally punish' people left and right for this insolence. I marched into the second megastore ready to "Wii- Fu" my way towards the Wii consoles but the same fate was upon me. "No Wii consoles" on sale. "This is a frigging epidemic!!!" I shouted... My poor girlfriend had a man in turmoil standing in front of her "We will find it in another shop, you doofus...", she tried to calm me down while her voice tone was leaning on the verge of mockery towards me at the same time(yep I surely love that woman, LOL)... As I was getting ready to bang my head against the first 'non- Wii' shelf of the shop, just to make the corporate heads pay for their negligence of not having a Wii console in stock, my eye caught a glimpse of a shiny, albeit battered box...

This awesomeness signed upon me even via the battered white package... It is called a 'gamer's insight' I am told....actually it is more of a malarchy infused impulse but I won't tell if you won't tell :)

It was the package of an Xbox360 bundled with the game "Gears of War". Out of frustration, luck, destiny or pure desperation I checked the price tag waiting to see a price around 400 Euros as the best case scenario(the worst case scenario would give my wallet a stroke so I didnt dare think of it...). I read the price tag and instantly my jaw got acquainted with the floor... I thought I was hallucinating, I never had an aversion for strobe lights and epilepsy was not one of my killer traits so what could it be... I checked the price again... "Surely there is something off here this can't be..." I muttered to myself (good thing my girlfriend had other interests in the shop so I didnt lose her along with my dignity, LOL). The temptation was too strong... For a moment there I hesitated and my "Wii principles" came in play... "But I wanted to buy a Wii...", "I know all the good games for it..." , "it would be so original and fun..." all those phrases hit me like a ton of proverbial bricks, I felt almost guilty not buying a Wii you see (yep, I was that far gone, lol)! Then the bad DP voice came into my head and shouted : "Grab the box and run you tosser, just go to the cashier's and dont look back, this console has your name on it, can't you see... how malakas can one be?". Without another moment's hesitation I looked behind me for any 'shopping vultures' that may have casted their consuming gazes on my prey and shouted : "This is mine damn it!!!". I grabbed the box and clinged on it with such force I am glad it did not transform into a PSP from the squeeze:). So I reached the register and asked to pay for "my trophy"... as fate would have it... things wouldnt go as smoothly as planned... not just yet anyway...


The Wii is now a 'future purchase'... can't believe it myself. Still tons of fun:)


I think one can see the difference in the approach of gaming... I sure can... oh well back to playing Assasin's Creed (the hooded guy figure in the vid)


At the other side of the register my girlfriend had already payed for the rest of the pucrhases and was waiting for me to 'cross to the other side' with her... As it turned out, she would have to wait a bit longer for our merry fool's reunion...

(To be continued and concluded in part 3)

The astonishing transformation of a Wii into an Xbox360 (Prelude-Part 1 of 3)

You know a few months back I was as solid as a rock in my views. "Next gen gaming is just a big con you fools" I enthused with pathos. Just check out my relevant post via this link if you dare (actually if you are not totally bored since it is not a particularly "daring" task to be honest... not as daring as me taking a shower anyway...LOL) :

http://deadpoolstrikesback.blogspot.com/2007/04/
console-wars-how-stupid-can-one-be.html

While I believe that the majority of some of my arguments still stands to some extent I do not longer consider the whole affair a total waste of time(although I dont own an HD TV so I might as well like living in denial over the necessity of an endeavour into next gen gaming...). The point of this "pointless post" is(dont you love these phrasal contradictions that dont make any sense in this blog... I mean as soon as you read one you know it is my blog and there is no escape... brilliant simply brilliant...LOL) that as I was envisioning my gaming future and what would be the console to purchase in upcoming months one name kept resurfacing in my collective subconcious (not a particularly crowded place I assure you...LOL). And the name of the game was "Wii"!!! Ok, ok I know it sounds like I am taking a leak singing merrily to the great beyond (isnt it always a merry experience -i.e. taking a leak- to begin with... up until the prostate crisis kicks in and it becomes an accomplishment of mythical proportions anyway...). Regardless, this "little fun box" called Wii had several things about it that made it more appealing as an immediate purchase:


This is such an over the top ad, so it naturally had a place in this humble blog corner:)

- The Wii approaches gaming in a more interactive way which is fresh. You move the controller and it copies your movement.This opens a lot of interesting possibilies on how people can interact with games so concurrently(blame the terminology on that sick bastar... that was the 'architect' in the Matrix movies...) it rocks (not as much as me blogging but it isnt a shame to rock merrily in the second place of uber coolness) and opens a world of exciting possibilities for gaming design.

- The novelty of the technology and the fact that 'moving things' is more intuitive than memorizing button combinations makes this the ideal platform for people that, well, just want to have short bursts of fun and are not particularly fond of gaming. Oh, how much I wanted to see my mother try to play bowling on "Wii Sports" that would have been the highlight of 2007 for me (yeah it has been a "good year" like that... nah actually it has, LOL).

-Playing with your Wii (that sounded very perverted for some reason, lol) is just fun! You can play fun games with friends and just laugh out loud at how surreal the whole affair is. Grown up people waving their Wii motes at the TV screen trying not to decapitate anyone in range or avoid breaking that vase that supposedly cost a fortune but in all honesty they can live without.

So, yeah playing with the Wii held so much promise. I was salivating(not literally but I am still young so give it time...LOL) in the prospect of buying one this December. And then that fateful day came when videogaming dreams went out of the window and the cold harsh reality slapped me on the face... I was going to buy an Xbox360 dear readers, I just didn't know it yet...

(To be continued...)

Blogging my on-line existence away...(a.k.a. Any news from the rest of the Net?)

I used to surf the net you know... Being an average user of the world wide web passing the time in various websites, finding information, burning - irreversibly- valuable brain cells in the process... It was a solid on-line existence plagued by the occassional on-line purchase, some chatting on MSN, reading reviews of videogames and movies, downloading some sexy desktop themes(yeah I am male, what a freaking surprise I mean surely this one you haven't heard before right? LOL) .Generally I was being so cliched at using this medium that if I was any more cliched at doing so, I would have probably been locked up by the cliche police in an indestructible cell and the key would have been thrown to the fishes (or to Jay Cam, I don't know what is a worse fate for a key to be honest, LOL).

DP getting ready to blog... Ah, it is so cool to witness a true craftsman of the blog arts just before he enters 'blogging mayhem' mode:)

Then one fateful day where cosmic fates made a wager on my back I was introduced to the wonderful world of blogging.... At the beginning it all seemed exciting enough... It was all about me writing to an invisible and, back then, non-existing readership with my only guide being some misled confidence that I have a decent sense of humour (oh the arrogance of some people...LOL) .Furthermore, I made a self imposed goal of sorts to approach whatever interested me, be it little past times of mine, daily life and whatever my little peanut sized brain could grasp, with a vitriolic sense of humour. High on the list has always been to write some original content in which I would take an ordinary event, distort and twist it in such a way that it would seem like the next installation of Star Wars (not again....NOOOO... enough of grown up people sword fighting using multicoloured lamps and saying lines like "the republic will not left this malarchy pass, let's pointlessly sleepwalk through 3 movies doing mosquito sounds with our swords without passing out with laughter from the absurdity of it all...).

So yeah, I love writing and making people smile and occassionaly think, while not sustaining any sort of permanent brain damage. There I was then, building my two blogs piece by piece , writing, designing, sleeping on the keyboard or littering it with bread crumbs from munching sandwiches as elegantly as a beaver 'processing' wood. Little did I know that this blogging habit of mine would become this self imposed 'dictator' of my on-line experience, throwing all other on-line habits of mine into a bottomless pit with killer precision (manic and sadistic laughter ensues but budget restrictions dictate that this seamless audio experience will never reach your ears, just take my word for it, LOL).

Of course as you will read later on, as blogging takes its toll on your favourite Merc with a mouth, big chunks of his sanity depart with each passing stroke of the keyboard. After all what is a little insanity among friends? :)

Let me elaborate on the above issue with such grave seriousness that it will set a new all time low for the concept. We got a handsome devil (that would be me, oh the genes have been kind to this modest greek madman, the wacky genes that is, heh), two blogs, lots of ideas, around 40 + links in both blogs and a contract with his conciousness not to bore people to death with his writing(which is a hard, if not impossible, task indeed, LOL). Let's check the equipment needed for the suicide mission that is writing in my blogs: Killer wit CHECK, insanity meter peaking CHECK, creative juices flowing nearly drowning their owner in the process CHECK, open mindness CHECK, a lot of other qualities that I won't name simply because leaving my readers' brains in an almost vegetative state isn't what it was cracked up to be anymore CHECK. In all honesty, writing is easy enough, it comes naturally to me: Brain dictates the words, fingers do the typing, mouth(occassionally the shirt as well) drinking coffee , all parts of a well-oiled 'wacktastic machine' of thought and blogging mayhem. At some point, the text is ready and then comes the part where you need to add pictures or vids or whatever to it , so people will take a mental breather between pointless line after pointless line. Plus it keeps people from wondering what went wrong with their lives and they ended up as a bunch of blogging exiles willingly reading the mumbles of a well intended but let's face it, half mad greek individual.

After the 'laborious' process of getting the post on-line, my brain cells are "on strike" from the extra over time. As fate dictates it, another realisation hits me hard (not as hard as a Stallone macho punch line in 'Rambo 4' but hard enough to be considered a close second). I got to visit other people's blogs and, wait a minute, I have to comment in them as well! I mean blogging is a sadistic monster indeed isn't it? So, I open Google Reader only to be faced with the harsh reality that like me, other people around Greece or around the globe in general just won't shut up(yeah I know the PR strategy of this blog just went out of the window, didn't it, LOL). People write and they don't just write, they expect other people to read what they write and comment on it as well. This neverending cycle of reading and commenting is so staple to blogging as is my constant need to shoot zombies in Resident Evil. It is equally fun and really interesting but let's face it, it lacks the punch of a shotgun headshot to a Capcom branded zombie. Yeah there is no substitute from the geeky, albeit sickening, pleasure of blowing a zombie's brain to smitherins (yeah I am "romantic" like that, lol).


For once a video of a Resident Evil game that I haven't played yet. Come on Umbrella Chronicles, don't disappoint, please!!!


So, I am done with posting, I am done with commenting on other people's blogs (hey someone has to verbally abuse the blogging masses right? LOL) thus I have the rest of the daylight filled day to browse the net with all my majestic...eeehhh... browsing skills(?) at full force, right? Well, not exactly...LOL. By the time I even start considering that there is the rest of the Web "out there" all at the palm of my hand, ready for it to be molest... eehhh.... to be used by yours truly, another terrorizing realisation sinks in my psyche (have no fear dear readers, I am not out of M and Ms since that would qualify as an all out personal tragedy, LOL). Thing is, after the blogging overtime I am exhausted! My eyes are on fire (think dracula without the blood sucking tendencies and you got the picture...), I want to go out, I want to break free , I want to do anything else BUT stay in front of the damn PC screen and do anything that involves a mouse, anything visually stimulating and me as an active participant (damn that sounded so perverted it defies belief, no need to applaud my readership minions,LOL).



I said I want to 'break free' and this video clip came to mind... LOL. It is so funny in its 'uber gayness' that it fits perfectly in this blog... That would be 'the funny bit' then, as Siryn would gladly testify in my defense:)


So was there any point to this post to begin with? I just wanted to write this as a moronic memorial to some websites I used to visit regularly, prior to blogging, and now they have been exiled into the back of my head (not to mention on the "Missing In Action list" of 'my favourites' on Firefox). The honourable list of past fallen URL comrades of previously frequent spamming on my behalf, includes:

http://www.dreamdawn.com/sh/index.php

http://www.contra.gr/

http://www.sexydesktop.co.uk/index_main.shtml

http://www.comixtreme.com/

http://www.imdb.com/

http://www.gamespy.com/


Such is the nature of the blogging beast then and not even a blogging Merc with a mouth such as myself can resist its alures. The list of URLs that have 'succumbed to the inevitable' is not important but the memory of their IP addresses echoes in my internet browser's history/past visits option. And with this uber ridiculous conclusion, I leave you once more with a question roaming in your brains: "Is this guy for real or is he just plain mad?". I know, I know what can I do, I am a sucker for non-conventional posting and self sarcastic remarks, so sue me:)

Take care!

Who am I?

I am a man entering a new phase in his life...

I am a blogger who wants to spread smiles to his readers...

I am an ambitious person working on his vision of things to come...

I am in love and very lucky to have met her...

I am a guy in control of the next two and a half months of his life...

I am an eternal child in my hobbies...

I am really enjoying my writing past time in this blog...

I am in awe of the sensation of letting my creative imagination run wild and have at last the means to channel it...

I am blessed to have met such wonderful people far far away but yet so close....

And above all else I am...

Christos!

Smiling at you this very instant...



Before I put the DP mask back on and let the 'inspired folly' of this blog continue for as long as I can and feel like it...

I wanted to write a short post today, something to reflect my ever changing mood and psyche in these past few months leading to today. After all, the cool thing about this blog space is...


Anything goes! LOL

Take care and see you soon in the funny pages:)

Surviving the 'drilling monster' above...

You know this was a peaceful little appartment and I was a nutty little Merc living in it. Day in day out, there were some constants in life that were undeniable. Yes, I live in a small town, in a central appartment, where morning in morning out you don't have the sky 'dropping on your head' from some unexpected development. You have the occassional change in the weather, maybe some cultural event happening but you know that at least in the confines of your appartment, you can be calm, safe, warm and as lazy as hell without giving a toss about the outside world. Well, I guess nothing lasts forever...

Nuff said...

It all started approximately 3 weeks ago... I was sleeping the sleep of the "just and wacky" tossing wisecracks to unfortunate fools in my dreams or sexing it up with Ms Eva Mendes(what a sad, sad little man I am, LOL) or watching some too weird sci fi opus of my own creation playing in the media player of my collective subconcious. You see, future blog entries do creep their ugly head in my mind even when I am asleep. I am that far gone:). As fate would dictate it, the universe had different plans for my immediate domestic well being. It all started with a buzz, some little drilling sounds coming from above, slow, calculating, testing, drilling 'baby steps'... I woke up more puzzled than annoyed... I was like : "What the f...k? Who dares interrupt the beauty sleep of Deadpoolite, the man who makes asylums tremble at the hearing of his very name, at the notion that he may visit them and stay permanently there one day"? More than anything, I was curious... Curious at what insolent beast was making those drilling sounds so close to a man who can reduce another living being to shivering laughter with only weapons his sharp wit and his self sarcastic quotes. "How dare you?" I shouted at the invisible invader above me. "Better monsters than you have tried you howling fool, this means war motherf...ng prick, this means war!!!".


Deadpoolite humming merrily: "Everyone is DP fighting..."! Hey, who gives a toss about copy writing laws right? I am making this my 'DP theme' for the day:)

Despite my spiteful comment, do not be fooled by such misleading social outbursts on my behalf... One of my most admirable traits is patience... I may have other petty character traits but I am ridiculously patient as a person. I am not saying I don't have a short fuse with anger sometimes but it is almost never 'lit' by impatience for something that is about to happen or for something bad/annoying that is already happening. I just have the ability to wait up as long as it takes, having a silly confident smile on my face, that it is all going to play out my way at the end. It is truely 'sickening' for people around me, I notice, who are fuming and swearing all the time in e.g. queues everywhere, trying to save those precious little minutes to finish up an errand faster. Besides the point, as I have so eloquently put it in the past (and this a 100% DP branded quote I assure you):"Greeks only queue up properly at the escalators or at passport control in the airport simply because it is too narrow not too...". However, I have strayed a bit from the main attraction of this post which is of course "the drilling monster" and its antics...


"Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!!" Yeah right...

And so the story of my torture began that day... Every single morning the drilling monster was punctual to our "duelling date" of sorts... It always seemed to test the defenses of the ceiling above me... looking for that weak spot to drill through and 'embrace the fool beneath'(that would be me then, LOL) or bury him in a load of ceiling debris. What was DP's reaction in the first 10 days or so, one passing reader may wonder... I was laughing at the sight (or to be precise sound, LOL) of the danger lurking above and at the 'drilling menace's' unknown face. I wouldn't be intimidated by some drilling monster that was trespassing on DP territory... we both knew who would prevail in the end.... Or so I thought....

'Patient DP or not so patient DP', the 'monster' has persisted... It has proved to be more capable to annoy me than I thought... it has been buying time...stalling... testing the weak spots of my mental resistances... putting the volume threshold of my hearing ability to the test... every single morning... every single day. Its tactics were simple yet effective, even a mumbling fool like me could see : " Always attack with rage when DP is deeply asleep... right above his head... right above his bedroom... be his music in the morning, the first thing he hears when he opens his eyes". This is a battle of wits alright... it is a 'man vs technology' duel, a man's last stand against noise pollution against an enemy invisible but creepily able to make its presence felt with the help of sound waves... The monster has not been the only one testing the opposite party... DP has been learning as well... I have studied its patterns, when it raises its ugly head in the morning, when it goes to sleep, when it resumes its unholy drilling mayhem above my head. All is crystal clear, being the uber nutty strategist that I am, I have tried to design some defensive strategies to make the drilling monster fall into a false sense of security before I retaliate with extreme prejudice... These tactics have never failed me before... but fate has decided that this once I wasn't the one who was going to smile at the end (at least not in the shorterm...).

All this progress I made with my 'insanist' to somewhat alleviate my insanity were in vain... I am BACK!!! and someone will pay (and I am not talking money... more like the 'currency of pain')... LOL

The monster has persisted for a couple of weeks now... reluctant to stop... drilling its merry way into my ceiling and sometimes I feel into my skull. I don't need an alarm clock anymore, I don't need the vibration function on my game console's controller, I don't need to shake the shaker to make cold frappe coffee anymore... There is no reason to pump up the volume in survival horror games to creep myself out, there is no need to listen to remixes of songs anymore... every song playing in my appartment is remixed by the 'Drill DJ' now:). I know there is a purpose why the 'monster' is drilling so persistently on the concrete boundary above me, it has an actual motivation and a goal to achieve. Sometimes, it seems to be drilling at the exact same spot, like it is searching for oil or something... localization of sound is highly overrated anyway by now... it is all one big drilling mess in my head. I will not be subdued, I will not be defeated but I will give the 'monster' sometime to realize the error of its ways and retreat to whatever manifacturing hell hole it has crawled out from... If it does sooner rather than later it will have a chance to survive my wrath... Because you know, a patient man's wrath is not to be toyed with... it just accumulates in, bottled up, subversive but not totally dormant... always longing for that unfortunate fool or occassion who is going to accidentaly release it... Some doors are never meant to be opened you see... I am patient, I am nuts, I am an all around nice guy but if this drilling lunacy doesn't come to an end soon, there will be only one course of action: "Grab the drilling monster from the proverbial throat and shove it up it's handler's -not so proverbial- ass!!!" . Drilling monster.... you have been warned... next time it will be your terminal stop in this plane of existence...and I will enjoy every fricking moment of it , muhahahhaha!!!!

If I am going to go through with this I pity the fool who 'drills merrily' upstairs... let's just say it is going to be a long way down for him...:)

P.S. Essentially, someone is drilling on the floor above my head getting to my nerves... but I couldn't just write that could I now? This is "Deadpool's Laughing Den", LOL!!!

Two cousins, one videogame, lots of laughs, little bursts of shameless fun...

It is no earth shattering secret that I was born in Thessaloniki, Northern Greece. Thessaloniki (Salonica for short) is where most of my mother's family is and I do grasp any occassion I get to visit the place. I am lucky to have close bonds with my relatives over there but as is the case with relatives, I have people I like more than others. One of the unfortunate suckers I am really close to is my cousin Thomas(for the rest of the world my name is Christos in case you have been stranded in a deserted island for the last 50 posts). With Thomas we share a common superpower of sorts... I can understand what he thinks before he says it and vice versa and it is more often than not that we end up laughing like madmen in family reunions with the rest of the family looking bewildered and puzzled. Yeah, I know, two "laughing mutants" stranded in a world that fears and hates them for laughing for no apparent reason. Life is fun like that , you see:)

One of the highlights of me staying in Thomas' place is when we dig out of an enormous pile of dust and spider webbing his trusty heroic SEGA Saturn console and we play two player sessions of a "SEGA made" game called "Athlete Kings" or "Decathlete" depending on region of release. This bloody game does exactly what it's title suggests(make us Kings of the athlete's world maybe? Okay, that was beyond lame...LOL). Essentially, "this exercise in pointlessly wasting time" pits two moronic gamers against eachother for a series of 10 track and field events with the ultimate goal being to outclass your opponent, gather more total points and make him cower in humiliation when he is beaten (yeah, I know I am a good sport like that, LOL). The funny thing about this game that makes me write this post is the method of controlling your sportsman in each event. This is a combination of good finger tapping coordination, stupidity infused concentration and some luck. More importantly though, it fuels a lot of laughs between me and my cousin because of the absurdity of it all:) Let me elaborate...

Absurdity filled post coming up... please select your character:)

100 metres dash: This event requires that we press two buttons in fast sequence and in coordination to make our athlete run faster than the opponent. Problem is you really need to do it fast so more often than not we (as in the cousins) end up more tired than the athletes on the screen(I am sure in one of the upcoming sessions someone is going to lose a finger or something...oh the passion...oh the commitment...oh the pain...LOL) . What is really funny though is, because each one of us sees the other one being "tortured " by this arduous control method (to the point of having his face turning red and fuming), we both start laughing uncontrollably which kind of fucks up our record times to be honest. I always have a need to empty my bladder while doing this event I don't know it must be a defense mechanism of sorts against excess laughter:) Come to think of it maybe I do this intentionally to some subconcious level. I mean, the more I want to go to the toilet, the faster I am going to make my athlete run, thus the faster the race will be over before I visit the toilet... :) You know my deductive logic is too good for this plane of existence sometimes LOL!!!

Long Jump: This event requires good tapping fingers coordination to power up the sprint of your athlete, then at the opportune moment you press the jump button at the right angle and you see your athlete fly or eat dirt, depending on your timing. I have to say, whenever I choose the Japanish dude (there is a selection of characters before one begin's to play) he always ends up being disqualified even if the jump is perfect. This is a bug of the game but being the uber conspiracy theorist that I am I do share the notion that it could be an intentional glitch. I don't know, maybe to punish the Japanese for unleashing the Pokemon and/or Yu-Gi-Oh foolishness upon us, who knows...(and I do know that SEGA is a Japanese company so it could be some self induced punishment, a gaming sepuku of sorts...)

Shot Put: You push the button and if you time it right the athlete throws the sphere to the great unknown. A nice relaxing event in which even a comatose patient has a chance of excelling. Yep, it is THAT easy:) I always think of existential stuff when participating in this event, like what I am going to eat for lunch, if my girlfriend is "doing the nasty" with someone else, when will I be able to buy a PS3 without having to sell my body, you know, trivial things like that:)

Something tells me my readers have already assumed this position and will start running away from me to survive the absurdity of this post any moment now...:)

High Jump: High Jump used to be an event of immense frustration for the both of us. We were running pressing the buttons in quick succession, timing our jump right, arching our bodies to overcome the bar.... only to bring it down with us with a subtle touch of our athlete's ass or an overstretched foot. After dissecting the event to its basic components in our gaming labs and continuously watching the bloody tutorial of "how to do things in the event" until our eyes bled, this event was conquered by DP and his equally nutcase cousin. Now we are jumping over the bar like there is no tomorrow muhahaha!!! For a moment there I felt so exhilarated, I sensed my madness subsiding (yeah right....like THAT is going to ever happen, LOL)...

400 metre race: As gaming fates dictate it, DP is better in some events and his cousin in others... With time and repeated playing rounds, Personal Best records are shattered and World Records are put to shame. Still this one event is beyond reach... Once, I selected the bloody Japanese dude, he ran representing the DP awesomeness to the fullest and made an amazing time... That was it, regardless how much I sweat, how much my cousin swears, how much I fart to give the guy an extra boost, how much my cousin prays to all beings of higher existence... there is no way to even come close to the record the Japanese guy made under my command that fateful evening... I guess life is full of disappointments... LOL



Athlete Kings in a heartbeat so to speak:) Don't you just love that Japanese commentary?It makes the experience of watching this vid that much more worthwhile, LOL!

110 Metre Hurdles: The trick to this event is to not demolish everything in your passing but to jump above it with grace and some killer "pants ripping" stretches. When it works, the racing is very competitive and does provide a certain degree of gaming satisfaction to complete that event without having swept clean every single obstacle on the course. When it fails though, and you hit the first obstacle, you are royally f...d! Until you recover your sprinting/jumping rhythm, all obstacles have been magically embedded to your belly since you are not jumping over them but passing through them( I guess the notion "when you cant beat them, join them" never rang more true, LOL)... A lot of crazed laughters ensue when that happens, I assure you...:)

Discus Throw: You rotate the control pad, your athlete rotates with it and then you release and the discus goes flying like "a poor man's" UFO. Problem was that this game was originally designed for the Arcades which means there was a stick to rotate in mind, while in the Saturn there is only a level cross shaped D-pad! Have no fear! Due to a combination of DP's ingenuity and a lot of gaming frustration, the solution was delivered by means of a pen that we stick in the middle of the D-pad cross so that it provides some leverage for rotation. Neat eh? Well, if you take out the fact that a lot of pens have fallen heroically by breaking during this "rotating symphony of discus throwing" it has been the greatest invention mankind has ever known apart from my blog of course:)

If there was ever a time in my life when I was acceptably sane, it all came crashing down when attempting to do decently in the Pole Vault event for the gazillionth time!!!

Pole Vault: Ok people, this event is our "Nemesis" of the game so to speak. No matter how many times we have watched the tutorial of "how to do things", no matter how many approaches we have tried to do decently in this event... we have reached an absolutely shameful and frustrating dead end with this. We just don't get it! This is either a design flaw of the developers during the conversion of the game from the Arcade to the Console format or we are so thick as individuals that when we see zebra crossings on the street, we start sniffing the lines instead of crossing them... This event is like a big black void in our gaming experience and more often than not one of us has stopped the other from commiting suicide from frustration because of failing in it... Gaming gods have mercy on us!!!

Javelin Throw: This event is where the DPs are separated from the boys:). Yeah, I so rock in this, if I rocked any harder Jimmy Hendrix would have been erased from the pantheon of rock history in an instant, LOL. The level of my awesomeness in Javelin throw can only be compared to how good looking I am or to how every single psychiatrist in Greece wants to do a PHD on me. Yep, I am that good!!! LOL. Ah, I can just imagine myself throwing the Javelin in the China Olympics in 2008 in full DP outfit and the crowd cheering "You are da man!!! Go DP go!!!"... It would be a moment of madness to transcend sports history for the ages, I am telling you:) Hey, a guy can dream right? LOL

1500 Metre Race: Ok, this event is boring... maintaining your rhythm throughout the cheesy music that plays and some mindless A.I. controlled drones that shove your athlete's ass left and right... This event is all about the shoving... and the awesomeness of blocking someone's path whilst he gives you a push to victory.... What was that? This comment doesn't make any sense you say? Welcome to my world people! LOL

"Fly baby fly for DP!!!" Oops...Did I say that out loud? Oh! My defiance for anything sane and semi - coherent knows no boundaries it seems, LOL!

At the end of all events a total sum of points separates the winners from the "whiners". Both cousins' fingers ache, we chat, we laugh, we tease eachother and we are ready to get off our lazy asses and do something more meaningful and creative with our time.... right after another round of Athlete Kings....LOL!

Look at me Ma!!! I won!!! I just look so awesome in all my leotard wearing, afro parading glory!!!

Till I break the mystery of gaming (and one of the great mysteries of the Universe as a whole) that is "doing decently on Pole Vault and living to brag about it" I will persist with this madness... Both me and my cousin, and probably our future offspring should we perish in our vain attempt to write another glorious page of stupidity in our Athlete Kings' scrapbook:)

Long post this one ladies and gentlemen but I laughed a lot while writing it and I hope you enjoyed the ride as well.

Till next time then...



Some people have way too much free time in their hands... (that is not me playing by the way, lol, cool little bug that one resulting in the rolling racer, heh)

The 50 posts landmark... a taste of things to come...

Wow! Is this for real? Have I actually reached 50 posts in this blog and nothing of worldwide importance has detonated? Have I made the world a better place one laugh at a time? Did I leave the oven on when I left home this morning? Are orange M and Ms better than yellow ones? Will I genetically test my future offspring to see if they carry the 'wacky gene factor' that defines my futile blogging existence? So many questions, so many answers to type in... so why bother, LOL!

Let's throw a "killer" party and celebrate the 50 posts of his majesty Deadpoolite on this blog, shall we?

As I have noticed during my occassional semi-sane speels, people usually brag about their 100 posts (I have a bit more than that between both blogs greek and english) or 1 year in blogging and set that as a milestone that has been surpassed. HA! What do they know? For me 50 is a nice round number and a good time to take a breather and see what this blogging adventure of sorts has offered me. Besides it is a little known fact in the blogosphere that 50 DP posts count as thousands more in normal posting numbers (Does this sentence even make sense? No? Good... I still got it! LOL). So blogging eh? It is a funny old game with invaluable side effects I am told... is it any good... well...:

- It is great practise for my written english and a great opportunity to unleash all those dormant americanisms I am so fond of (damn you Marvel Comics and American movies.... damn you to hell... NOT! LOL) upon an unsuspecting audience such as you my glorious, heroic, albeit a bit mazochistic readers.

-I can torture people all I want with my long 'semi-sane mumblings' of extreme awesomeness that make readers despair, become sceptical if life is worth living, consider writing their will just to make sure and generally be 'optimistic' about life :)

Who said I don't have any role models in life:) Hail to the King baby!!! LOL.

-I like making people laugh or crack a smile. It just makes me feel good if I write something that I consider funny or amusing and people seem to 'get the joke'. If nothing else this blog has a unique sense of humour in synch with the Deadpool comics' character that it was inspired from, both context wise and aesthetically. It really makes me feel good that I might have brightened someone's day up either by making him/her smile at my jokes or at the realization of the fact that there are worse things out there in life than their current predicaments... namely sir DP and his pitifully peculiar existence:)

-I have met some really interesting and unique people all over the world. For some reason it feels so natutal that I have actually started caring about some of them and want them to be in good health and do well (the rest of them can burn in hell... well actually no... not unless they got the whole thing recorded on DVDR so I can sell it to the highest bidder, lol). I never stop being awestruck by the force that this mean of internet interaction called blogging possesses if used in a constructive manner (as in not in the manner DP abuses it then , LOL). There are some people out there that I am never going to meet up close and personal (lucky them,LOL) and still I have progressively reached a level (my videogaming sensibilities got the best of me, guilty as charged, 'reach a level' I say...sigh...LOL) where I really want to know that they are doing ok with their lives. If anything else, they will never forget Greece because of me(you listen to that Ministry of Tourism, now forward my cheque to the usual address or face my wrath!!! LOL).

-Big and fast changes are happening in my life as we speak so maybe I am not putting as much time in blogging, mainly as in 'writing' posts, as I used to. This is probably because the way I write takes a bit of time so I prefer to write 6 posts 'my way' than 30 posts comprised of 10 lines of text each. It is just the way I am ,LOL!

Anyone knows the way forward for this blog? No ideas then... I don't have a clue either , maybe I should just shut it down... Then again... where is the fun in that? It is the journey that matters after all:) Ok,ok, after zero public demand and heavy pressure from my non- existing fans I will continue blogging relentlessly:)

I want to thank you all for embarking on this fun blogging trip with me, providing me with great company and a huge availability of targets for verbal shooting practise (yeah, I am a sucker for creating ridiculous terminology, such is the life of a humble servant of the wackiness gods, full of ridiculous self imposed goals, lol)

So let's raise our proverbial glasses, drink to -at least- another 50 posts and be done with it.

Places to go, people to see, posts to write...

Saving the world one laugh at a time has never been more fun!

I can just feel the 'love' in the air... run DP, run!!! Those readers of yours are one aggressively persistent lot:)

"Neither hero, nor villain just a jolly good Merc, has a knack for the absurd, join the fun what the heck! You may laugh, you may think, you may actually care but regardless of that write your comments and share."

Be seeing ya!

C.S.I. DP and the mystery of the weird escalator... (Part 3 of 3)

Having investigated the premises like a true pro (pro at being a "lazy git" that is, LOL) it was finally time to investigate and resolve once and for all the origin and the purpose of this escalator(of course such grandiose statements usually end up with me having my head up my a.... from desperation but that is an issue to be discussed with my insanist so I will skip the gruesome details for now,lol). This escalator was evil no doubt about it.... Not as evil as me attempting to empty my bladder in plain sight but it was a close second... I approached it with caution... The material was no doubt of earth origin and the design was definitely a bit on the 'minimum acceptable standards' side of things but it was created by human hands. "What madness is this?" I shouted, "I haven't seen anything this insane since my.... my.... my..... well my last post on this blog really:)"

Coming Soon to a blog near you... "Reach the church or die trying"

I walked further uphill as other glorious Lamian citizens were going about their business without giving the escalator a second look. "Is this a mass hypnosis effect so that they don't aknowledge the existence of this out of place abomination? OR some of these people read my blog regularly and they have irreversible brain damage so their deductive logic equals that of a sprout?" I wondered in awe. Nevertheless and with these grave questions littering my accursed brain I observed the high end of the escalator. There was a road perpendicular to the upper part of the escalator followed by a set of stairs leading to a church at the top... This greek tragedy of a picture made the cogs of my brain turn in angles that I wasn't aware were physiologically possible and two case scenarios(more like a one case scenario and an "alien invasion malarchy" that will never see the light of day unless the price is right or the readers demand it...LOL) flashed in front of my eyes as to what the escalator was doing in this "too steep for words" street in the first place....

DP productions proudly presents:

AN ESCALATOR MADE BY MEN TO FACILITATE APPROACH TO THE CHURCH TO AGEING BELIEVERS ( A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SO TO SPEAK)

Let's assume that the escalator was built by humans to aid other humans go up the street and approach the temple of god at the top. Well, this scenario would be almost logical and utterly sane if not for the following:

Assuming that the escalator begins half way up the street and not at the base of it an elder is not particularly helped by it since he has to go up half way the street on foot (come on glorious old war veterans the spirit of "300" demands you give it a go, even if it is a suicide mission, LOL). Maybe the vespa/scooter I saw parked nearby serves that purpose indeed to aid the elders reach the escalator in one piece.

So could this vespa/scooter be a part of " the greater plan" ? Shivers run down my spine just thinking about the huge malarchy at play... LOL

Assuming that one of the unfortunate people to attempt this, doesnt leave his last breath on the asphalt of the street and survives till he reaches the escalator, he will be faced with another riddle. "How to turn the escalator on, since it is permanenty off!" and I don't know a single person who has seen it working apart from daydreaming mumbling fools and dreamy M and Ms eating lunatics...(hey dont look at me... so ok I got a life membership in both of the above clubs...who doesn't... it is perfectly legal after all...lol). Anyway for the sake of argument let's say that either by a stroke of luck (or lightning) someone manages to make the escalator work and he uses it to go up grinning like he won the lottery without even playing (ok, this was insane but the best is yet to come so do not despair just yet, save it for the end... lol). As he would reach the top he would have to cross the street.No biggie really since it is a narrow street and for once not an uphill one! The gods of greek street making have been merciful to the unlucky ageing passerby that would like to reach the church above... it is a miracle I am telling you, LOL.

That doesn't look that bad some elders may actually make it to the church after all...

So after crossing the plain, old fashioned,perfectly even, gloriously unsmoothy specimen of greek asphalt laying on the ground and reach the stairs then what? An ageing geezer would have suffered at least a couple of strokes minimum and a heart attack as an opener just reaching the base of the stairs. Still, there is no end to some people's faith (or stupidity) so I guess at least one heroic senile citizen of Lamia would reach that landmark. All that separates "the faithful from their faith" is a bunch of uphill stairs, not exactly a handful of stairs a bit more than that.

...and then reality kicks in... let's face it, they are dead! :)

Hypothetically speaking an old man with advanced military training (even if that was during his long gone youth...) and the willingless to lose a couple of limbs in the process or have some vital organs abandoning all will to continue functioning could do it(or at least get the medal of "the open palm" for trying...For non-greeks... there will be an explanation of what this means in a future post...greeks know what I mean,LOL). So whoever reaches the church would be blessed and happy and giggly and content that he still "got what it takes" to survive this ordeal and reach the church. Then, he would look down and the realisation would hit him hard like a ton of bricks : "Bummer, I have to go all the way down as well..."

A sign of "intelligent" life maybe...? Let's give it a shot: "Take me to your leader!!!". Sigh... no response... LOL!!!

After the above autopsy of the premises and this insane theory on what the criteria to build this "travesty of an escalator" were, I cracked a smile thinking of my readers either laughing or crying from desperation(mission accomplished...heh).Then, I went on my merry way to create another 'blogging madness' scenario for the next post. Never a dull moment with this DP character it seems...

Another death defying stunt by an anonymous biker... will he make it down the street in one piece? Being the supreme humanitarian that I am (LOL), I got the local hospital's number on speed dial just in case:)

Take care and I hope this was an OK read for the ones among you that are still among the living, after reaching the bitterly insane end:) Yeah, I am a gentleman like that... I care ... for my blog's stats:)

Till next time friends!