Friday, 18 May 2007

Flirting with danger (actually with women but it is the same thing more or less...)

You know I am a sucker for a good romance. I am not the Meg Ryan type of guy (after all I am insane but not THAT insane, lol) but you know every now and then there comes a person of the opposite sex that actually interests me and not purely in the "eye candy" side of things. There is such a person at the moment so I am kinda of formulating the right way to go about it. In the process of things I considered all avenues possible but as it usually happens with things when you think about them too much you start off with one thing and you end up with something totally different. So I' ll just put my flirting prowess on standby for the time being and share with you thoughts on how a man approaches a woman and gets his arse kicked every single time, lol!

"Damn it woman I just wanted to knock you out on a date...
Get back here!"

1)The Neaderdal approach : Back in the days of the cavemen things were so simple. Flirting was as simple as "I got the wooden stick, I see the woman I like, I bump her on the head, I let loose some incomprehensible war cry and then grab the object of my desire by the hair and drag her to the cave". Damn those were the good times for men you know, you could be the hunter of the game and you could actually get away with it! Good old days... If you followed this approach today you would end up in a prison cell for armed assault with a man called Mitsos that hadnt showered since his baptism...

"Face it babe you've hit the jackpot
with me,
you just dont know it yet!"

2)The Cocky approach : Since "armed flirting" is out of the question, the flirting ingenuity of man evolved into a whole different beast. Gone are the actual weapons, welcome the verbal weapons. A man oozing with confidence to the point of cockiness, approaching a woman and talking to her like she is already his or implying that there are plenty more of women in the pipeline for him if she refuses him. Ah you got to love us men so damn predictable, no wonder women play us in their little pinky finger. Usually these are the cases of men that want to get laid as soon as possible with whoever possible and they follow the golden rule of "Statistically speaking if I flirt every woman on site, one of them is eventually going to sleep with me". As far as flirt strategies are concerned as simple as they come really...

"I 'll climb the staircase to your heart
me and my stupid haircut, yeah babe!"

3)The Romantic approach : "Isnt the sky beautiful, arent the birds singing lovely, oh your eyes I am so lost in those dark blue seas of love (goddamn cant continue with this sweetalk I feel like a damn teddy bear with hearts on it....). This guy knows what women want, he has seen the rom coms starring Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan and he actually believes these things happen every day! Oh well, nothing wrong being romantic I suppose but too much of it and you 'll end up like those poor actors(poor as in personal acting suffering not money,lol) in soap operas who end up saying lines like : " Loren I cant live without you, without the warmth of your body, the aroma of your hair and the kicking of your feet up my ass when we sleep" ...

" I see you are impressed by
the wealth of my emotions..."

4)The Show off approach: This approach projects the message " I got the money and I got the moves, give me some sugar baby". All you need to do is focus on one strong selling point. Be it the high income, your sculptured biceps or a chin made in heaven , anything goes as long as it makes the woman interested in you with minimal verbal effort. Nothing wrong with that and for people with ridiculous money or adonic bodies it works like a charm. For the rest of the world, it is a matter of postponing the inevitable of your love interest finding out that you may got a fancy car but you spend all your money on it and you got no money left...Buying that essential second pair of underwear is out of the question then , lol. Still, this formula does get you laid at least twice, it seems, before the illusion wears off eventually,lol.

"Man I cant take it anymore... If I hear one more time about
how sweet Brad Pitt's ass is and women accessorizing
I am going to blow my brains up!"

5)The Guy in touch with his feminine side (also called the metrosexual approach just because it sounds cooler,lol) approach: This take on flirting presents you to women as a guy deeply concerned with them and their problems. You show you actually care of the subjects they talk about and you are there for them initially as a friend. You hang out with lots of them and you try to be willingly "the sheep in their pack of wolves" so to speak. This strategy has the additional risk of you being perceived as gay since you dont project "Alpa-male greatness" in your every move or gesture, plus you hangout with women for "no apparent reason" to the other males' eyes. When it works though, this approach usually ends up in something meaningful and at least ressembling a proper relationship since a man willing to listen about nonsense like "cosmetics, clothes and accessorizing" is a man send from heaven for every woman...

I am sure that there are plenty more approaches and ways to go about it but I really cant be bothered any more to think about it. Now about my own little flirting agenda, hmmmm, which way should I go about it...oh the hell with it "where is my wooden stick?"

Till next time, Deadpoolite signing off...

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