Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Keeping my insanity in check and moving on...

"Well I may be as torn as this guy
but I am a helluva lot prettier,lol"

You know people have many sides and this alter ego (no relation to the sakis rouvas cinematic masterpiece I assure you- Greeks will know what I mean, lol) Deadpoolite is just one of them for me. It is so liberating to be as wacky as you want even if it is just for writing blog entries and dissing verbal punishment left and right. Still I do wonder these days what keeps me going you know. Hey, I am no old fool and this isnt any earth shattering and soul draining account of my life so keep the tissues in the drawers you crybabys.

So as I was saying before I was hit by lightning (nope now that I think of it that was the other time...), ok before I watched the "...of the living dead trilogy" (hmm nah that wasnt yesterday either , damn those memory lapses keep getting worse, I'd better hit my head with a hammer to keep altzheimer's at bay....heh works for me...) I was thinking where I stand as a merc with a mouth in this world. You know what gives me the edge, what gives me the moves (that sounded like a fricking John Travolta quote out of Grease or something...damn it disease is spreading), what makes me tick, what drives my insanity, what is the essence of who I am (man I am one deeply philosophical monkey this morning...hope there is a vaccine against it...).

Initially I grabbed by the ghoulies (ok that is officially too hilarious even for me, lol) some bare essentials of life. Like love, amour , doing the nasty (where the hell did that come from...curse you late night tv and cheap american productions..), making out, you know the drill. So am I in love then? Well I know for certain I 've been in love once and it wasnt pretty, it ended up right before it started truth be told but that doesnt mean it hurted any less... (oh come on son pull yourself together, do it for the fans..). Still the prospect of it is as endaring as makes you want to wake up in the morning just to see what lies around the corner in the "loving" (just switched on to "THE MASK" mode, smokin....switching off) department. So yeah this is a decent motivation but a short fueled one. You know good enough for a short boost of goodness but not enough to sustain my insanity in the long run. As for non-sexual love, you know from family and friends I am cool I got plenty thank you mr god sir for that, thank you a lot!

"Love, love and more love, blood sugar going up....
Just spare me the Amelie soundtrack will ya?"

Then I moved my motivation dilemmas to the path of career. Heck, a good career means everything even for a merc with a mouth like me... so how does that fare. Well, it used to be the world and I gave it a really good shot at least in getting the academic qualifications I needed and at setting ambitious goals. Everything seemed in working order and I was destined for greatness, then there was the accident (black humour folks sorry couldnt resist no accident dont worry...blame the insensitiveness of me on the damn Marvel Comics I am so fond of, there is always an accident there be it a bite from a radioactive burger or the fart of an albino nuclear reactor- ok time to reset my brain clock again , hammer time here I come...). But thuth be told, something happened on how I had things planned and I am kinda of questioning my motivation and my dedication to my work prospects and the career path I've chosen. I am not sure I have the luxury to do so but this is where I am at the moment.... trapped in a flux of nothingness at the moment...still I will prevail I always do (oh yeah baby you better believe it I know I do, lol!).
So formulating a career with potential is a motivation worth rooting for but still it aint the essence of what I am about at the moment.

"Not my line of work but still scary, lol!"

So then what? Am I about having fun just going out, playing videogames,watching movies etc etc Am I about writing endlessly on this blog and scripting my ever postponed novel? Heck if I know... truth be told, only thing I know is that this is a turning point in my life (you know the kinda of change that makes you scared shitless one moment and laugh full of joy the next one...oh beloved mood swings Deadpoolite loves you so much, you pretties). Is change necessarily a good thing one may wonder, is it all that it is cracked up to be, does it lead to better things? Well the greek philosopher Socrates would say "There is one thing I do know, that I dont know anything..." and he couldnt be more right...

"I wish change was this easy you know. Give me something to shoot or decapitate and be done with it. Deadpool rocks (irrelevant but cool,lol) "

See you soon in the funny pages

Take care

p.s. This is as serious a post as I can manage in this blog, enjoy it while you can or run a stake through my heart and banish the evil of my semi-serious blog entry. Either way I am good, lol ! (ok adding "self destructing tendencies" to the diagnosis log, obviously I need a knock to the head with a bigger hammer to set things right....hmmm... going to the many hammers so little

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