Monday, 18 June 2007

Back off you evil ghouls…. this is MY CHICKEN!!!

Since you are reading this text already, the above wacky title caught your attention ( I don’t know who is more nuts me writing this or you reading it by the way, lol). Recently, I became aware of a little shop in my town that sells roasted chicken (what a big earth shattering life event you may be thinking….or not….lol…but bare with me ). So, one day that there was no cooked food on the table I said “The hell with it, let’s give the place a try”. Minutes later I was standing outside the shop looking at it and thinking “Doesn’t look like much but hey I am no freaking decorator so I might as well give it the benefit of the doubt…”. I entered the shop and noticed that the guy inside was not selling anything else in his shop but roasted chicken , “man this is one cocky bastard, his chicken must be really something special if he is solely relying on it to make a living”, I thought. As soon as I was done with the audio commentary in my brain, I asked the shop owner to give me a whole roasted chicken to which the guy replied “You are lucky man I got one right here, usually I run out of them pretty early in the day. That is why people reserve them in advance. Here is my card by the way”. I was astounded and my internal audio commentary resumed accordingly “What the heck is happening here? This is no fancy nightclub, heck it isn’t even a theatre, it is a bloody joint selling roasted chicken! For crying out loud, who the f….do you think you are?”. Despite this introspective social outburst, my official reply towards him was “Sure man thanks. Now how about that chicken?”. He packaged the chicken appropriately and he handed it to me while I paid the price for it (you know this is how trading works since the ancient times, lol, oh what an important life lesson indeed, heh). As I exited the shop I noticed the distinct smell of roasted chicken coming from the item at hand. The treasure in my hand looked as depicted in the following picture



If this picture was smelling as the chicken did on that fateful day, you would be trying to bite your screen off just to taste a chunk of unparallel chicken goodness... Good thing then (at least for your screen, heh) that internet technology hasnt reached that stage of evolution just yet


A roasted chicken covered in the perfect crust (if such a thing truly exists, lol) with a heavenly smell emanating from it. It was that good folks! It was perfection personificated, it was surreal, it was bloody perfect and it was all mine! (muhahahahaha…..sorry folks need to work on controlling my manic laughter outbursts more…lol). It took me a moment to recover from this pleasant shock and subsequently I proceeded to my other couple of errands for the day. First, I went to a local supermarket to buy a couple of dairy products. As soon as I entered, heads turned as I bestowed my presence in that highly crowded place. “What smells like that? “someone said, “Where did you buy that one from?” a girl gleefully added, “ Man that is what I call roasted chicken “, a third person quoted. It was as close as I‘ ll ever get to become a rock star I suppose but I wasn’t enjoying the moment really… People were getting closer and I was afraid for the safety of my pricey possession. This was MY goddamn chicken and I wasn't going to share it with a bunch of drooling native yahoos! At that time, I really wanted to scream “Back off you evil ghouls!” but dignity prevailed.(thanks fuck for that, lol). On high alert, I rushed outside the supermarket just before their filthy hands grabbed a thigh or a chest of my roasted chicken. I was ready to go all the way, my trusty readers, to protect what was rightfully mine, take a look at the following clip and you ' ll understand what I mean...









Phew! That was close…” I said to myself. “Ok, only one more thing to do and then I am heading home” I thought. WIth that thought still fresh in my mnd, I walked a few metres and then entered into a local baker store to buy some bread. Two women were in the shop, the younger of which was at the counter. I approached the central bench and she was about to ask “Hello sir, what would you like?“ but she never finished that sentence... As soon as I was in biting distance she quoted “Hmmm…that smells tasty…where did you get it from?”. “Man...this cant be happening” I thought. As she was getting ready to either bite my arm off to get a bite of the chicken in the process or to offer herself to me just to be closer to it (cant be sure which of the two was more realistic a development, lol), I rapidly paid for the couple of loaves of bread I bought and started running towards the exit like a man chased by Freddy Krueger. “Sir come back, your change! “ the young woman shouted. “That is the oldest trick in the book, you witch!” I shouted in reply from afar... This Merc with a mouth wasn’t going to fall for that one (not again anyway, lol). So I rushed to my home, one hand hugging the bag with the chicken and the other holding my trusty pea-shooter. Some locals started following me and till they got me cornered... Regardless of the overwhelming odds, Deadpoolite had a few cool moves in his arsenal it seems, so before too long, me and my roasted chicken escaped unharmed from this little face off. The following vid shows the encounter with the wannabe chicken devourers in all its glory...











Eat hard or die harder” I thought as I entered into the safety of my sanctuary (that is my apartment by the way, lol). I chopped up some salad rapidly and the rest of the family (i.e. my parents) gathered around the table for lunch. “How did the hunting go, DP jr?” my dad asked. “This isn’t the time for bloody talk dad, they are on my trail as we speak, start eating!” I screamed respectfully (“screamed respectfully” is that even freaking possible?…LOL). We devoured the roasted chicken and the salad in silence. As soon as we finished our munching ritual, all faces in the room were beaming with content, it was indeed a lunch too good to be true…

As soon as we finished lunch my "chicken craving" pursuers had caught up with me so it was time to make my final stand... the following video shows part of the massacre that followed in its full funky detail...








Switching into serious mode now (DP pressing the remote embedded in his right ear…long story friends…lol). That guy cooks one mean chicken people, I really hope pictures could transpire smells as well but since it isn’t feasible take my word for it.

Till next time then, take care all of you!



P.S. I leave you with an extended clip of one of the coolest movies I've ever seen "Shaun of the Dead", do watch it, if you havent done so already!



3 comments:

Deadpoolite said...

Ok this is a first and probably last time I do it but this damn story begs for a
a comment even if it has to be from its author:) I mean I had great fun writing this, I love taking everyday life situations and transforming them into wacky exciting events, it is what I do,lol!

So yeah, this damn story has a comment at last and there is nothing you can do about it, hahahahahaha(need to work on restraining my manic laugher outbursts more,lol)

Seriously though, people were dealing me hungry looks when I bought the damn chicken that fateful day and since then I dont enter inside shops when I carry chicken from that shop.It is like having a bloody target sign painted on my chest or something, LOL.

So there is method to my madness after all it seems:)

ComicGeek said...

Sorry, I set aside 3 hour blocks each day for the next week so I would have time to read all of this, I'll let you know when I finish it. :P

Deadpoolite said...

Take it easy dude! I cant afford to lose any readers :)

Just get a good night' s sleep, wake up in the morning, drink some hot coccoa or whatever you fancy drinking and start reading. I am sure you ' ll be fine (well if you dont manage to survive, at least you 'll become an example to avoid for future readers so it is a win win situation either way, lol!)