In the face of A(d)trocity : Looking behind the commercials' curtains...

I really got Zhu to thank for this blog entry... well her and my insanity... Anyway I was just thinking about TV commercials and how out of touch they are with what we call real life. I' ll present some examples to illustrate my case (no joke so far... man I must be sick...) :

I came across this ad by accident on youtube and I just had to use it...


1) Cleaning Products

A typical ad would go something like this...

A sexy woman, cleaning the toilet, tap dancing merrily with her mop, smiling all the time and combing her hair using her freshly cleaned toilet tiles as a mirror. The accompanying music would be cheerful and pop orientated and all would seem well in the kingdom of house dirt when you got product X as your ally. What could possibly go wrong?

The real life...

A woman looking exhausted and pissed off, is scrubbing the toilet tiles cursing her luck that she didnt marry a man rich enough to buy her a servant or an illegal immigrant(racist bitch... lol) to do her biding. After all, in an ideal world, she could go out shopping with an unlimited credit card or shag her way in the world with her newly acquired, preferrably young, secret lover.






There was a Kider chocolate bar stashed in there somewhere but I couldnt care less, lol!



2)Family snacks

The typical ad...

One happy family joins once more the family table laughing hysterically at dad's crap jokes. The woman is superfit despite having seemingly given birth to 4 children and her husband seems to love her the same as the very first day he laid eyes on her. The children look equally happy just to laugh uncontrollably and to keep eating the newly released snack in its "ultra light/all the taste" edition.

The Real life...

Dad is not around since he is working his ass off to provide for his 4 kids. He used to whine about his ignorance about birth control strategies and "how the fuck did this happen" but now his brain is too numb to actually think about anything else than work. The mother, who is also working herself, has let herself go a little bit since balancing personal life and career is an on-going struggle. The kids/teenagers are "videogaming" their passage through the world or thinking about sex more and more with every passing day. The whole family eats the miserable snack that is half the size of what it looked like on TV, because "Mom doesnt have the time to cook" or "kids hate their vegetables".






No article is ever complete without a bit of DP goodness, lol!


3)Toys


The TV ad...

Parents have seemingly unlimited funds for kids' toys so they can buy all the versions of the same toy (as in all colours, lol) without giving it a second thought. Dad is ecstatic spending money for his children's toys and the wife is so happy that she starts break dancing in the middle of the toy megastore just to show the world that buying toys for your kids can be cool. The kids attack the shop shelves grabbing everything from a new games console to the secret underwear of the Deadpool action figure. It is a good life for a kid and they feast upon it with unshamed greed...

Real life or something like it...

The parents are counting the money to see if they have enough to get by for the month since bills are "no toying matter". The dad secretly hopes that there is going to be enough money in his Christmass bonus to squeeze some of it out to buy toys for his kids. The children are distraught, the TV doesnt stop playing in the household and they are bombarded with images of cool toys on daily basis. Occassionally, they are whining at their parents to buy them new toys but they know they are fighting a lost cause. If they play videogames there is always piracy or utorrent while traditional toys are bought a couple of years after their original release "if the interest is still there".







I have mixed feelings about this one... I find it both disturbing and funny at the same time... you got to love the guy's reaction!



4)Cosmetics for man/woman

The TV ad...

If it is about a guy, using the right deodorant or cologne can make all the difference in the world in the cruel world of dating. He just sprays himself more and more with the product of choice, heck he may even dive in a pool filled with the liquid product instead of water. Being in the vicinity of women suddenly becomes a certainty of potential sex, since women cant restrain themselves and just want to f.... his brains out, the damn smell of product X is that maddening for the seemingly "primitive" female mind.
In similar vein, if product X is a woman orientated cosmetic , things become dangerous for the male species. The woman smells, looks so nice that all male brain functioning ceases to exist. Drivers crash their cars onto lampposts , passersby fall into sewer holes and so on, so forth. Every male in the vicinity is turned into a mindless drone, a zombie of testosterone trapped into the web of the ideal woman X, wearing the product of choice... the "little head" has finally taken over absolute male body control over the "big head"...


Life as it is...

Men are using the product as part of their routine. Every day they keep cursing in front of the mirror pissed off by the pointlessly neverending shaving ordeal. A blind cut here, a mistimed move of the razor there and their face skin becomes a potentially evolving jigsaw puzzle. Product X is brought into the forefront and its use seemingly rectifies the "mistake" albeit dealing a nice painful touch in the process of doing so (maybe next time sulphuric acid will be better for skin treatment,lol). As for deodorants, they are there to keep the sweat patches of men's armpits (on shirts) at bay so that maybe, just maybe that female co-worker they are longing for want flee in disgust for the billionth time. Sweating is not eliminated really just redirected to less conspicuous parts of the body...

Women wear their cosmetics on daily basis, falling into a fake sense of confidence about their appearence. After all "if Jessica Biel can pull it off so can we" they think. So, really early in the morning, at least an hour before even starting considering to go to work, some women wake up (at least they try to, lol) and start patching things up in front of the mirror. Vanity has prevailed and the ever increasing racism/pressure of highly photo-shopped babes on the covers of men and fashion magazines provides the necessary motivation to shake off that last sleepy feeling and get on with "what needs to be done". It doesnt matter that female cosmetics are expensive or even dangerous for the female skin in the long-term. All that matters is that each woman becomes "a queen without a kingdom" for the day and if that means sidelining that pesky female co-worker in the looks department, then even better...




One of the coolest ads... ever, period!


5)Cars and technology


In the ads...

A guy drives like mad through the traffic, he overtakes anyone in his way, goes up mountains, heck he may even make it to outer space if the car kicks in into the 5th gear.... There is seeminlgy no concern about traffic rules and an apparently unlimited supply of fuel makes proceedings even cooler. The car becomes a symbol of male domination and an extension of a guy's sex mojo. Sexy women are attracted to the car like bees to honey and all is well in the planet of driving on speed.... the man content for his wise choice to buy that particular car model drives into the CG sunset like a mad cowboy rider without the cigar....


And then there is real life...

The constant necessity of gasoline and petrol for an acceptable price has become priority number one. It has become too expensive and the predictions for traditional fuel availability in the future can truely put a new car owner to grief. Suddenly, going from point A to point B using the car has become a crucial life dilemma. Plus, the driver needs to guard the contents of his fuel tank day and night patrolling outside his car dealing nasty looks to all passersby so that "they dont get any funny fuel looting ideas". Once the decision to move the car from the parking spot (the only parking spot available in miles,lol) has been made, the driver is faced with the challenges of modern "traffic heavy" city streets. Getting to work on time, co-existing with the other drivers, avoiding any sort of accident or run-in with a traffic warden becomes an art-form by itself. Finally , when the guy returns back to his place demolished from the ordeals of the day (of which driving is a great part), he looks at his car for the last time thinking "Way to go trooper, I love your guts, you and me will take over the world some day". Oh, men and their cars, an on-going love relationship without the "talk back feature" that a woman provides in abundance...


As I switch off the TV, brain melting from the neverending onslaught of ads I head to my bed with only one thought in mind "Feel proud about yourself, the little silly box called TV hasnt killed of your dreams just yet". In the comfort of that thought, I slip into bed, thinking how I am going to win over that blonde I cant get out of my head for the past few days... sleep takes over and everything becomes a distant memory of a day long forgotten....


Take care all!

Here are two of my favourite ads of all time, the first has Bruce Campbell in it(nuff said) and the other is ace if you are a football fan (that is "soccer" in the US, such a gay term,lol) but funny as well if you are not. Enjoy!